[Fanfic] Dear You
May. 7th, 2018 06:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mikunicchiTitle: Dear you
Pairing: Matsumoto Jun x Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: none
Summary: “Dear you,” was the very first line that Jun read. Those lines, which is written by the mysterious writer 13, changed Jun's life. Never once in his life, he believed those words were fake and he was determined to prove it.
Notes: Written forreveetoile, in Jun Exhange.
Please visit the end of the fic for some little trivia.
“Dear you,” The book that changed Jun’s life started with these two simple words. Which were actually weird but somehow affected him for longer than he actually wanted to. It was the first time for Jun that a book stuck in his mind and made him a fan of the mysterious writer 13. It changed him in a way that no one expected from Jun since he was aiming to enroll a university where he can study maths when 13’s first book had been published. With the sudden change of his mind, he started studying literature and in the end he ended up as an editor in the very same publishing company with 13-sensei. However life wasn’t something that went as smoothly as you expected and Jun was very bitter about it when he become the editor-in-charge of Mashiro-sensei who was a quite unreasonable and very irresponsible person. Oh and not to forget that she was very very self-centered.
That’s why he was thinking that his evening couldn’t turn out worse than it already was when he saw his boss. The Iron Lady of the editing department came towards him with a furious expression on her face.
"Mashiro-sensei doesn't want to work with you anymore Matsumoto-kun," said his boss with a firm look on her face. Jun didn’t react fast to this information because he already knew this would happen. Mashiro-sensei, -not a sensei in his opinion- was being absurd, a fact which he had told her. He knew it would cost him to his job eventually. But still, he didn’t think it was his fault or anything.
"Why?" He asked as if he didn't know what had lead to this. His boss clicked her tongue. Iron Lady, he thought. She was in her late thirties with short hair, always wearing proper suits with proper makeup and a proper hairdo. Every single thing about her was proper. She was the only woman in a higher position and everyone called her Iron Lady because of that. She was tough and had made her way up quite successfully.
"You said something rude to her, didn't you?" Iron Lady narrowed her eyes as she crossed her arms. "You are not being useful, Matsumoto! We don't need your useless opinion about the book! Your work is not giving your opinion to the writer but support her!"
"My intention was supporting Mashiro-sensei, Sasaki-san, but she is the one who can't stand even one simple opinion," Jun said not being able to hold himself.
Iron Lady's eyes twitched with anger. "Go home now, Matsumoto," she hissed under her breath. "Before I fire you from the editors’ department. Just get out of my sight."
Jun didn't say anything as he bowed and left there hurriedly. It was already half past six in the evening. So even if he left the office, no one would say anything to him at all. He sighed heavily as he rubbed his eyes while he was waiting for the elevator. He was so tired and he needed a proper night’s rest so much. It was frustrating. He hadn't been Mashiro-sensei's editor for a long time and he actually hated that young girl who was acting like hey-my-novels-are-so-amazing-and-I-am-too-perfect-for-your-opinion. He hated her with all his might. She was only writing second, no, third-rated novels, and they were only popular because it was trendy at the moment and they would not even stay long on the shelves. And what was worst, she was not even thinking about improving her writing. He was mad, not because he was no longer her editor but because the superiors were only favoring Mashiro-sensei.
Jun had no idea at all about what he was actually doing. He loved literature with all his might. He loved books way too much and that was why he had chosen to be an editor. Maybe being a writer would have been easier but he still liked his editing job. However, lately, he felt drained about everything including his love for his job, his will to live, and so much more.
He rubbed the back of his neck, frustrated. He was definitely tired. The elevator doors opened with a bing voice, bringing him back to the reality again.
The elevator doors revealed Aiba Masaki who happened to be his close friend. “Jun-kun! Going home?” he asked when he saw him with a bright smile on his face. Jun tried to smile a little as he got into the elevator.
“Yeah,” Jun answered dryly.
“You don’t look so good,” Aiba said with a concerned voice as he looked at Jun closely. His friend didn’t seem very well lately. He had deep dark circles under his eyes and his normally strong features seemed devastated with tiredness. He liked Jun. Definitely not as a lover but the guy was serious about his work, so he kind of admired the other. Aiba knew Jun from the first day of his internship since Aiba was working in Human Resources. Jun was passionate about books and gave his best at being an editor. He was charming, handsome and serious in many ways and he also knew how to have a nice time with co-workers. They usually went out drinking together, sometimes with other co-workers joining them. So, seeing Jun devastated like this was really worrying Aiba.
“I am fine,” Jun said curtly.
“Something happened?”
“Just lack of sleep,” Jun tried to cut his investigation while wishing for the elevator to go faster.
“Just lack of sleep wouldn’t cause this state to the Matsumoto Jun I know,” Aiba pestered. “Come on Jun, I have seen your lack of sleep state too many times to believe this.”
Jun heaved a sigh. His head started to ache. “Can’t you just leave me alone?” He didn't care if he sounded like begging anymore.
Aiba wanted to say no, however, he heard the undertone in Jun's voice and didn't persist anymore. “Okay,” he said, then added hurriedly. “But you know whenever you need company I'm there, right ?”
Jun didn’t say anything but he couldn’t help his lips turning into a weak smile. “I know, thanks, Aiba-kun!” He said while trying his best to smile, and to his relief, the elevator reached its destination saving him from a further discussion. “See you later, Aiba-kun.” He said hurriedly before fleeing from his company.
On his way home, every step Jun took felt heavier than usual. Maybe I should just quit this job, he thought and heaved a sigh. He took the subway, which seemed weirdly more crowded than usual. “Oh,” he said involuntarily. It wasn’t unusual that the subway was crowded at this time, but it was unusual for him to take the train at that hour. He had been staying overtime at work rather than leaving early. However, he had never once thought that it was inconvenient, because he had simply loved his work back then.
Jun had a passion for books which actually started with the very first book of 13. They say books are all about timing. If you managed to find the perfect book in perfect timing, it could change your life in a way that you could never imagine. In his case, that perfect book was 13-sensei’s first book which made Jun fall in love literature. He had read every kind of book until now, after his miraculous encounter with 13-sensei’s first book: The Watchmaker of Golden Realm. He had also made some attempts to write himself however he had never wanted to publish them. On the contrary, he was the one who refused to publish his book and he became an editor instead. Because his love for books was something sacred in his head and he wanted to work in the progress of creating them. It was way more fulfilling than being a writer. In a sense, he could be called stubborn but he never cared about it.
However, sadly, he had some serious doubts about this job choice of his now. Maybe I should go to the countryside and grow some strawberries, he thought defeated as he walked into a convenience store. He bought a six-pack of beer and some food. Once he went out of the convenience store, it was already near half past seven and it was rather dark outside.
He lived in a 2LDK house in a quiet apartment, in a quiet neighborhood. Jun preferred living in a quiet place since it was the best for reading. That’s why the apartment which Jun lived in was quite far from the street and he never really saw his neighbors too. And there had been no incident in the two years he lived in that street. A simple neighborhood with quiet people living in it; nothing could be better than this. That night, he wanted to take a break from his miserable life while taking his favorite book to read.
“Dear you,” Jun smiled softly as he started to read it again for what felt like the hundredth time. The book was the first one written by 13, which Jun found weird for an author’s name. However, Jun couldn’t bring himself to mock him when his writing was this good, this touching. He was a good, loyal reader of 13, and also 13 was the one who made him choose the publishing company that he was currently working at. Jun had never even seen 13’s face in the two years that he was working there but he heard his name quite often; which was simply because he was the biggest author in that company. But neither being the bestselling author nor being a mysterious person was what impressed Jun. He simply loved 13’s words. Which was strange but Jun always thought he could feel the writer’s pain and loneliness through his writing. Especially in that first book… It was weird but also quite amazing.
He had a tired but peaceful smile on his face when he finally fell asleep with the book in his hands.
***
The next day was full of new discoveries for Jun. Though he was made to sit under the sharp gaze of Sasaki-san he managed to observe the editing department. Since when he started working with Mashiro-sensei, Jun had to comply with all her stupid wishes like going to eat sweets even though her deadline was getting closer. Jun hated to be scolded in her place every time when they had to extend her deadline. So after all those times, Jun didn’t even feel bad now about leaving Mashiro-sensei. Well, he was actually kind of fired but who cared about that fact.
Strangely there was a restless atmosphere around the editing department. Some of the older employees were running around in panic and even Sasaki-san seemed more aware of the door and phones. He wanted to know what was going on but it probably wasn’t the wisest idea to ask Sasaki-san since he had been marked red yesterday. He sighed and tried to focus on the editing job in front of him.
He was in the middle of the text when he was called by Sasaki-san to the meeting room suddenly. Much to his surprise, even the president was in the room. “We will be quick,” the president had a frown on his face as he spoke. “I believe you know about 13-sensei. We would like to assign you as his editor-in-charge from today.”
Jun’s eyes widened as he tried to digest the news. 13-sensei! I can work with him? After all this time? However, he couldn’t let his feelings show since he didn’t want to seem like a crazy fan. So he asked with a calm attitude: “13-sensei? The one who sold over a million books? Why me?”
The president heaved a sigh. “Because Sasaki-san was the one who recommended you. But be aware that I will not show any mercy if you displease 13-sensei. Sasaki-san will explain everything to you then.” The president left the room as Jun bowed. Sasaki-san also bowed to the president before she closed the door behind him.
“Let’s sit, Matsumoto-kun,” she said showing him to sit opposite of her. “I won’t lie to you, we are actually having some troubles with 13-sensei,” Sasaki-san said with a sigh.
“Troubles?” Jun frowned.
“He refuses to talk to us and he already fired five different editors. His previous editor was Kuranosuke-san, and you know he is good at his work. So I want you to be prepared,” Sasaki-san said seriously.
“Then why me, Sasaki-san?” Jun asked not averting his eyes from the Iron Lady’s gaze.
“Because you are a problematic editor and I felt like you can compete with his brattiness,” said the Iron Lady as she leaned back. “But believe me, he is way more troublesome than you, so be prepared.”
Jun couldn’t say anything back as he thought: Oh God.
***
Jun looked at the address once again to see if he was standing in front of the right building. Jun was surprised. The apartment which he was looking at was in the middle of the city, in a noisy area. He didn’t really know what to expect but certainly, he wasn’t expecting this. Was it even possible to write something in such chaos? Because that neighborhood could mean nothing but chaos. He sighed. He had no right to judge 13-sensei, or anyone else. So he shrugged as he stuffed the paper into his pocket and went inside the building. According to the security officer who was on the first floor, 13-sensei was living on the fourth floor and hadn't gotten out of his house yet. Finding door number 406 on the fourth floor was easy. He rang the bell and waited for 13-sensei to open the door. However, nothing happened. He rang the door for a second time and then a third time. He was getting impatient as he rang for the fourth, then fifth time. For some reason, he didn’t even bother to move his finger from the bell.
However, nothing could be heard from the other side of the door. Which was pretty annoying because that night Jun had to return to his home empty-handed. He sighed as he left the building and crossed the street just to find a small cafe which was nearly empty. Jun went inside the cafe, ordered an espresso leaving his name for the coffee and went to sit in front of the window. He took out The Watchmaker of Golden Realm. Jun stroked the worn out, gold and black mixed cover with a humble smile on his face. 13's first book was quite unknown to the public because it didn’t really sell well. It was a compilation of short stories, partly unconnected. The protagonist was an immortal young man who was working as a watchmaker in a kingdom called Golden Realm, always watching the flow of Time. The first story of the book was a letter from an unknown person which caused the book to start with the words “Dear you,”.
13-sensei started his career with writing this kind of fantasy books, which had certain calmness but also thrill in it with deep psychological descriptions of the characters. However, after his third book, he changed his style. He started to write real-life stories without deep psychological content. That's when he became a legend while he completely stopped writing anything close to The Watchmaker of Golden Realm. However, 13-sensei never lowered his quality, as he gained himself a big name with his always beautiful word choices. He was a big writer who deserved attention even without deep psychological descriptions or delicate reasonings which stole Jun’s heart in The Watchmaker of Golden Realm.
“You have such an old book with you,” he suddenly heard from next to him. Jun looked at the source of the voice just to find a waiter who was holding his coffee.
“Oh, do you know this book?” Jun asked calmly.
“Yes,” the waiter replied with a smile on his face. “I wasn’t expecting to see it here though. It wasn’t a popular book, you know.”
Jun blinked with surprise. “Such a shame, isn’t it?” Jun laid the book gently down on the table. “It's such an absorbing story, and I personally think this is the masterpiece of 13-sensei.”
The waiter raised his eyebrows with surprise. “Most people find it rather boring,” the waiter said.
Jun frowned. “That’s why it’s such a shame,” Jun said sternly.
The waiter laughed out loud because of his serious expression. “You are very interesting, Matsumoto-san,” he said between his laughter.
“Same goes for you too, Ninomiya-san,” said Jun as he read the nametag of the waiter.
“Call me if you need anything,” said Ninomiya before he left for the counter. Jun looked at the small man who had a brightening aura, and a smile on his lips.
***
After a whole two weeks of going to 13-sensei’s house just to return empty-handed, Jun was honestly in deep trouble. He didn't even drop by at the company as he went directly to 13-sensei’s house every day including the weekends. According to the security officer, 13-sensei hadn’t left his house even once. He never answered the door whenever Jun rang until some people got angry at him and chased him away. There was no response and that was driving Jun crazy. He found himself in the same café many times because he was feeling very tired. He sat at the same table as on the first day and spent his time there until the café was closed. It was like his private reserved seat since he was there literally every day.
Between the events of going and returning from 13’s house empty-handed and being stressed by his company, his only support was the waiter, Ninomiya. They eventually became friends and they even got close to the point were they gave each other nicknames. Nino was an easy to talk to person, who had a certain air that made Jun trust him easily. Also, they both had the same taste in books which was a very pleasant experience for Jun. That was the reason why Jun didn’t really keep his job a secret from Nino, who also told him about himself. He was the same age as Jun and attending a college for his master's degree. Before Jun could even realize it, he started to have feelings for the petite guy. Despite his sarcastic behavior, Nino had a soft heart which made Jun feel warm deep inside without Jun’s knowledge.
“So J, still no improvement?” Nino asked when he finally made his way to his table tiredly.
Jun heaved a sigh. “Nope, he is not answering the door. I am not even sure if he still lives there...” he said.
Nino laughed. “You are unexpectedly stubborn, you know that?”
Jun shrugged. “Maybe, but I need to meet 13-sensei no matter what,” Jun said determinedly. “What should I do, Nino?” He asked with hopeful eyes focused on Nino’s face.
“Hmmm…” Nino said. “Do you like this 13-sensei’s works?” He asked suddenly completely ignoring Jun’s question. “I mean, honestly.” He had a very serious look in his eyes which made Jun stop from answering immediately.
He earnestly thought about it for a moment. “I do,” he said after a while. “But I liked his early works better,” he added.
Nino raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?”
“Certainly,” Jun started to explain. “He is one of the most bestselling authors and his work is always interesting. But… how can I explain it… his works are still interesting but they lost their first shine.” He sighed again. “I have a weird feeling this is why 13-sensei refuses to meet the editors.” Then he smiled suddenly as he looked at Nino. “Did I ever tell you that 13-sensei’s first book was the reason why I wanted to become an editor?” He shuffled his bag and took out The Watchmaker of Golden Realm, laying it on the table. “I somehow wanted to be a part of the world which 13-sensei created, because creating a book is the hardest thing that I have ever witnessed,” he looked very nostalgic as he talked about his passion while looking at the worn out book.
Nino seemed flabbergasted. But he recovered quickly before Jun could notice. “You are good at your job, you know that?” He said with a gentle smile on his face.
Jun laughed. “Where does that come from?”
Nino laughed. “Never mind,” he waved a hand in his direction as he went back to the counter. “Oh, by the way, I am gonna take a dayoff,” Nino said suddenly.
Jun frowned. “Something happened?”
“Why? You worried about me, J?” Nino smirked playfully. Jun tried to protest but Nino cut him off. “Just need some time to finish my other papers for the college,” Nino explained. “You know I only work here part-time.” And he disappeared behind the counter before Jun could say anything.
“Be careful! See you later, Nino,” Jun called behind him but Nino never came back again.
***
That was the last time he saw Nino in the café and that was also the last time he ever heard from Nino.
“What do you mean Nino quit?” Jun asked the manager, Sakurai Sho. Jun was honestly worried about him. He wasn’t in the café, he wasn’t answering his phone… There was simply no way to contact him. It had already been a week.
“Well, as you can see I have his resignation letter,” Sakurai Sho showed Jun the letter.
“But he said he would just take a day off…” Jun protested. Sho seemed surprised.
“I don’t really know what he told you but he handed me his resignation letter a week ago,” Sho explained calmly.
“Did he tell you the reason for doing that?” Jun asked.
“No, he didn’t,” Sho said calmly. So you know the reason, Jun thought.
“Do you know where he is now?” Jun asked again not averting his gaze from Sho’s eyes.
“I don’t know. I don’t really ask every part-time employee where they live or why they are leaving, you see,” Sho said calmly again.
You also know where he is but you won’t tell me, Jun thought. He heaved a sigh and took out The Watchmaker of Golden Realm with one of his business cards and wrote a note directed to Nino on it then placed it between the first page of the book. “Can you give this to Nino if he comes here?”
Sho’s eyes widened as he saw the title of the worn out book but eventually took it from Jun. “I can but I don’t know if he will come here again,” he said.
“That’s enough for me,” he smiled and bowed before leaving the café.
***
He went straight to the apartment of 13-sensei and started ringing the doorbell. There was no answer again. However this time he refused to leave and sat down next to the door. “Sensei…” he sighed. He had no idea what to say to 13-sensei even after eroding his door for three weeks. Also, he had no other choice but believe that 13-sensei was behind the door and listening to him. Trying to be positive, he just decided to write what had been on his mind for a long time. “Why did you stop writing books like The Watchmaker of Golden Realm?”
He waited for a whole five minutes until a paper was passed under the door. The white paper came with a note on it: Why do you think I did?
Jun read the note with eyes wide-open. He blinked a few times and then decided to answer 13-sensei. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “But I don’t think you did it for fame or money.”
Another note. How can you be that sure of it?
Jun read the note with a smile on his face. “Because if that was the case, you wouldn’t have been able to write the book that changed my life.” Jun inhaled deeply and started to say the lines which he had read over and over. “Dear you,” he closed his eyes and leaned his back against the wall next to the door. “Now, while you are reading this, I managed to make my last dream come true. The me left alone in a world which I don’t even like has managed to make my own dreams come true. The only thing which saddens me is that I can’t say any of this to you. It’s not because you are dead. However, I will pretend that you are dead. Because the you which I knew, which I loved has been dead since the day you left me alone in this grey world.
I have always thought that a world without you will be dark and suffocating. However, it looks like I was simply wrong about it. This Golden Realm still shines even after you left.
The day we bid farewell, I cried as if I would not see the light again. I cried as your warmth left my skin and become a simple memory which is bound to be forgotten. I cried to the point that my eyes hurt more than my heart and eventually, I fell asleep. It was a dreamless sleep or maybe I thought so. The next day without you came as if nothing had happened, as if you would kiss me good morning but you didn’t. It felt strange, it felt horrible but I managed to get up that day. I can’t forget how I loved you right then, but I will forget how you loved me. The things you left to me will eventually dry up but at least let me remember you.
I still talk to you. Because we broke up as friends, because we could never leave each other’s lives as if we had never met. And I know you feel the same. Because you were the first one who wished a happy birthday to me after months of not talking. I hate your leavings as much as I hate your coming backs, I hate your smile as much as I hate your tears; and I hate your good wishes as much as I hate your love words. However, my stupid heart was so happy. My stupid and very weak heart was so happy to hear from you.
I still know what you do, where you live. And I know you live the life which we dreamed of together.
As you read this, I managed to make my last dream come true. Those dreams we built together, and those dreams which we couldn’t make come true made me who I am today. I hate the me right now, I hate the me who can’t move forward and the me who doesn’t know how to survive in this world without you. However, I will create a new me as The Watchmaker witnesses the flowing time. I will create a new me as The Watchmaker continues to observe this Golden Realm from his seat. And if The Watchmaker can forgive our selfish hearts, we will meet somewhere and you will ask me who I am. It will make me happy as much as it will hurt and I will see that I did it. That I managed to live without you. And even if you don’t know, The Watchmaker will know my journey.
Farewell, dear you. Until time lets us meet again.” Jun took a deep breath as he finished reciting the letter which was actually found by The Watchmaker. This letter was the first story of The Watchmaker of Golden Realm. It was one of the worn out, old, lost letters which were delivered to The Watchmaker when they hadn't reached their destination. Because he was the Watcher of anything and everything.
The Watchmaker was the observer of every story in the book, he connected every story which seemed unconnected. The slight connection between every story was different. Jun had read that book so many times that he knew every word of it. “I read it many times, sensei. I can say every word without looking at the book,” Jun said finally. “If you were just aiming for fame and money, you wouldn’t be writing this.”
I have thrown away my words long ago. Are you saying that you could find those words for me? Do you have enough courage to find those long lost words?
Jun’s eyes widened as he read the last note which was thrown under the door. He wanted to see the old shine of 13-sensei, was there any reason to hesitate now? Jun smiled. “Of course, sensei. I am your editor, after all, I am the only one who could fight with you.”
He didn’t get any other notes from 13-sensei despite still sitting outside; however, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling very successful. 13-sensei has talked to me! was the only thought that kept his mind busy even after waiting for two hours, gaining nothing. Or at least, he thought so.
Jun’s phone started ringing. To his surprise, it was Sasaki-san. He answered the phone with a frown. “Yes, Sasaki-san?”
“Return to the company right now,” The Iron Lady said shortly.
“I am at 13-sensei’s house now, Sasaki-san-” Jun started but he was cut immediately by the Iron Lady.
“So what? You have been going there for three weeks now, Matsumoto-kun. We took you off from being editor-in-charge, we will try to send Kuranosuke-san one more time,” she said.
“But-!” Jun tried to object but the line was already cut. Jun clenched his teeth. He did so much to finally get to talk to 13-sensei! And now, he was simply taken off being editor-in-charge… He felt frustrated more than he thought he would. There's no way I will accept it this easily, he thought determinedly. Sensei, I will definitely come back!
***
“Sasaki-san! What does this mean?!” Jun asked furiously as soon as he stormed inside the editors department, not even caring about his surroundings.
“It's as you heard, Matsumoto. Management decided to take another action,” Sasaki-san said calmly.
Jun blinked with surprise. “What do you mean by that?”
“They decided to cut his contact,” Sasaki-san said sternly. “They think we had enough of his whims.” If Jun had been a bit calmer, he could have clearly seen that Sasaki-san was also annoyed with it. However there was nothing they could do. And knowing that made Jun more than angry. He slammed his hands on Sasaki-san’s desk.
“He hasn't been doing that because of his whims! Sasaki-san you have to listen to me! He is-” he tried to explain desperately. However, the Iron Lady shut him up.
“That's enough, Matsumoto! You are taken off from being editor-in-charge, now, return to your desk!”
Suddenly, Aiba came out of nowhere, holding his arm and dragging to him out of the room. He had probably been there for the whole time but Jun had been way too angry to notice him. He let Aiba drag him out. “You alright?” Aiba asked him finally.
“Do I look alright?” Jun grumbled.
“Well, you look better than the last time I saw you,” Aiba replied calmly. “I heard they were thinking about firing you too, Sasaki-san was the one who stopped them. ”
Jun exhaled loudly. “I managed to speak to him, Aiba-kun. I promised to fight with him and now…”
“Don't worry about it, I am sure Sasaki-san will persuade upper highs and I am sure you will be able to help 13-sensei,” Aiba reassured him with a warm smile. However the only smile he wanted, no, needed to see belonged to someone else. Jun couldn't help thinking about Nino as he heaved a sigh.
***
Jun had absolutely no idea what he was doing as he sat at his desk at the company. It had already been a week since he lost his place as 13-sensei’s editor and it had been three weeks since he last saw Nino. It felt like his life was going steeply downward with a horrible speed that he couldn't even stop. The company apparently had given up on him because they hadn’t given him any other jobs. And things about 13-sensei were driving him crazy. He heard that 13-sensei had refused and fired Kuranosuke-san. Jun was sure that 13-sensei’s job was in danger. He couldn’t even manage to tell that to 13-sensei… He smiled bitterly. He opened the first drawer of his desk to find his resignation letter which he had prepared a week ago, just in case. If they decided to throw out 13-sensei, Jun was determined to leave the company as well.
As for Nino… That specific part of his life was hurting him quite a lot. He didn’t even know how he became so dependent on the existence of petite waiter… The main thing that upset him was the fact that he only understood it only after losing it. He hadn’t noticed but the desire to see Nino was probably stronger than the desire to reach 13-sensei which was actually not that surprising. Jun had always thought about 13-sensei professionally. Yes, he was a fan of him but that fan thing was contained inside admiration and gratefulness. Meanwhile, Nino had become something irreplaceable for him, little by little. Certainly, Nino wasn’t the type to make people turn to look at him twice but if you let that petite guy, he would penetrate one’s soul like no one else could. Jun checked his phone just to find nothing from Nino. He sighed. Luck wasn’t at his side at all.
“Matsumoto-kun, can you come to the meeting room for a moment?” he heard Sasaki-san. He inhaled deeply, and feeling quite determined he took out his resignation letter and hurried after Sasaki-san.
“I will be blunt, we were serious about firing 13-sensei but he finally responded,” Sasaki-san explained not even waiting for Jun to say anything. “He is working on his new book finally, I believe you have something to do with his new resolution.” She said calmly, eyeing Jun.
Jun chose to stay silent. “Well either way, it was good.” Sasaki-san continued. “We assigned Ohno-san as his new editor, just for your information.”
“Why?” Jun asked a bit louder than he actually intended. “Shouldn’t it be me who you assign as his editor? I worked for it!”
“Yes, you did and we are thankful for that but for now you should wait,” Sasaki-san said. She had an understanding light in her eyes. “I will try my best to assign you as his editor but for now, you two are standing out like a sore thumb. Just let me and Ohno-san handle this and it will be forgotten eventually. And you should throw away that resignation letter,” she said pointing at the letter he was holding. “We will need you to deal with 13-sensei a lot afterwards,” she said before standing up and making her way out of the meeting room. Jun could do nothing but stare after her defeatedly.
***
Jun found himself in the café where he had met Nino that night. He felt beyond horrible; the feeling of having failed made everything harder than it already was.
“Oh, Jun-kun…” he heard a familiar voice when he went inside. He turned his head to the voice just to see his superior Ohno Satoshi buying some take away coffee. “How are you?” Ohno asked smiling calmly. He was a good person who was able to do his job well. He was also calm as hell which Jun admired sometimes.
“I am fine, Ohno-senpai,” Jun returned respectfully.
Ohno sighed a little. “I have been telling you to drop all those formalities for a while now…”
Jun laughed a little despite the feeling of emptiness. “Thanks, Ohno-san.”
“Well, better than before I guess…” he said calmly. “By the way, 13-sensei sent his greetings to you. Oh and he also asked me to deliver this to you,” he said while he shuffled inside his pocket, taking out a small wrinkled paper and handing it to Jun.
Jun took the paper, recognizing 13-sensei’s handwriting immediately.
The Watchmaker said that time is what we can’t control. I will wait for you to come back. And make sure to return to me because you are responsible for this new book.
Jun smiled a bit. “Thank you Ohno-san,” he said calmly as he stuffed the paper into his own pocket.
“Here is your order, Ohno-san,” Sakurai Sho came just in time to stop them from more talking.
“Thank you,” Ohno said as he took his orders from Sakurai and turned to Jun. “I need to go now but I will do my best until you take your place back,” he smiled peacefully before he left. Jun looked after him for a while not saying anything. I will definitely take my place back, sensei, Ohno-san! he thought determinedly. Then he turned to Sakurai but before he could say anything Sho told him what he wanted to know. “First of all, he is not here and secondly yes, he came once and I gave him the book.”
“Oh…” Jun said. “Thank you… Um, and uh, sorry for bothering you,” he said with an embarrassed look on his face. “I guess… I should leave… Yes, I should,” he mumbled. “Thank you again for handing it to Nino,” Jun said before turning around and leaving the shop hurriedly.
So he simply doesn’t want to see me, Jun thought miserably. Feeling rejected even before he could confess or do anything… But he wanted to meet Nino so badly right now to the point that his eyes were searching for him everywhere. Nino… he sighed internally. But he didn’t have anything he could do against it…
That night Jun returned to his home feeling lonely and miserable.
***
It was three months later that Jun found a package on his desk, sender unknown. He put his bag on his chair and immediately opened the package which was packed firmly. He ripped the packaging off quickly just to find The Watchmaker of Golden Realm and another book inside. The worn out gold and black cover was way too familiar to him and he immediately knew that it was his own copy which he had left in the café. The old copy which was supposed to be with Nino was in front of him… He immediately opened the book and looked for a message from Nino but to his disappointment, nothing was there. Then finally, the other book which had a silver and blue cover attracted his attention.
“The Word Hunter of Lost World,” he read the title of the book out loud. It was 13’s new book. Jun’s eyes widened as he hurriedly opened the book.
To my dear Word Hunter who promised me to hunt down my long lost words in the depths of my own darkness.
Jun blinked with surprise. Is he talking about me?
Jun couldn’t be more eager for his day to be over. After work, he found himself in the café where he had met Nino, with the two books of 13. He couldn’t go home… Somehow being in that café felt more reassuring for reading The Word Hunter of Lost World.
He opened the first page and started to read the new book. To his surprise, this new book was written in the first style of 13-sensei… It had the same calmness but thrilling and consuming atmosphere. Jun’s eyes couldn’t leave the lines as he read. He sometimes even forgot to breathe.
The story was taking place in a world which reminded Jun terribly of the Golden Realm. Though it was a dystopian version of the Golden Realm where there was no Watchmaker and people couldn’t speak with their own words unless they bought them or traded them in. However, every word had its own meaning and its own weight as well as a specific value in that world which made some of them impossible to get unless you go into the depths of Dark Lands to hunt them. The story was occurring around The Hunter who was a specialist for hunting down special words for people who requested it, in exchange for the words which Hunter wanted.
He felt tears building in his eyes, like he finally met someone after a really long time. He was thinking that he really had missed this writing style of 13. When he finally finished the book, he couldn’t help himself but wonder why The Hunter collected specific words in order to go hunting.
He turned to the first word that The Hunter had collected. It was “dear”. Jun blinked in surprise. He took out his notebook and started to write down every word which was given to The Hunter in exchange of the words he hunted.
When he finished collecting the words he found a message directed to the reader: Dear you, this is for you and only you. You don’t need a hunter like me. The words have been inside your heart. Let them speak with their own voices. Sincerely, The Hunter.
Jun smiled peacefully. This was the 13 that changed his life. This was the 13 that he had longed for so long. He made a note to himself to express these good feelings to 13 once he would be his editor again. When he turned the last page he saw a handwritten note from 13.
Dear J, this is for you. Thank you for being my Word Hunter. I am sorry for lying to you.
-Ninomiya Kazunari
***
Jun rang 13’s door without even bothering to move his finger away from the bell. He rang and rang until it creaked open, revealing a messy-looking Nino.
Nino groaned. “Having you ring this door nonstop is really irritating, you know?”
Jun simply stood there not really affected by finally seeing Nino in front of him. “Having you fool me this whole time is more irritating, you know?” he said coldly.
Nino was taken aback by Jun's words. He lowered his head and mumbled weakly. “I am sorry.”
“You should be,” Jun said sternly. “Did you have fun watching me struggle? Did you have fun when I asked you for your help or some advice?” Jun’s voice was colder than Nino had actually expected. He couldn't say anything in return. “Say something,” Jun said coldly. When nothing could be heard from Nino, he showed him The Watchmaker of Golden Realm and said: “Did you have fun when I was desperately searching for you?”
Nino looked up into Jun's eyes, surprised to find a very warm look in them despite his cold voice. His eyes were looking for some explanation from Nino, which encouraged him to speak. “I didn't,” he said truthfully. “But I couldn't bring myself to reveal my identity as 13, no matter what… You were so kind and I was just…” he inhaled deeply. “I have wanted to be Ninomiya Kazunari, not 13 for a very long time. And I honestly wanted to stop writing. That's when you came to look for 13 and in a way you found me…” Stubborn tears built up in Nino's eyes, but he blinked them back. “I intended to not involve you but you were so stubborn and I ended up here, again…” he stopped and searched for more accurate words but he couldn't say anything as Jun hugged him strongly.
Jun could feel his surprise while he hugged him. He buried his face in Nino's messy hair, deeply breathing in his scent and he stroked his back up and down soothingly. Nino asked him with a weak voice: “Aren't you mad at me?” His voice was too weak, Jun chuckled.
“I am, oh, believe me I am furious about the fact that you lied to me like this,” he pushed Nino back a little, just to be able to see his face. “But I love you way too much to walk away for something like this,” he said calmly and truthfully.
Nino blinked a few times and Jun waited for his words to sink in. Suddenly the tears that Nino had blinked back returned stronger than before. His lips started to tremble. “So you won't leave?” he asked with a weak voice.
Jun smiled and wiped his tears away with his thumb. “No,” he said firmly. “But I am still mad at you for making me live through hell these last months.”
Nino hugged him tightly. “I am sorry,” he said for the nth time.
Jun laughed. “Who are you and what have you done to cheeky Nino?” he said while trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere around them.
“You better appreciate this Nino while you have time, before the cheeky one comes back,” Nino grumbled not looking up from where he had buried his face.
Jun chuckled again. “At least let me inside now, I have been ringing the bell way too long for you.”
Nino walked backwards not letting Jun break their hug. And Jun wasn't complaining about it either. Nino was perfect for hugging, he laughed internally. Nino led him into the living room which could be described as nothing but a mess. Compared to his house, Nino was literally living in chaos. “Sorry,” Nino mumbled shyly. “I don't usually have visitors except Sho-chan.”
“Sho-chan?” Jun asked.
“The owner of the café, I sometimes help him and he gives me free coffee,” Nino explained.
“So you weren't really working there after all,” Jun heaved a sigh.
“I am sorry,” Nino apologized again.
“We should do something to make up for all those lies,” he said looking straightly at Nino.
“Like what?” Nino inquired.
“Like this,” Jun said before he sealed their lips with a heated kiss.
Both of them were out of breath when they separated. “You have an interesting way of making things up,” Nino said panting.
“And I want to know something before we move this to the bedroom,” Jun said, ignoring Nino's words.
Nino stiffened as he heard Jun.
“First of all, this Sho-chan of yours? What about him?” he asked seriously.
Nino blinked with surprise. “What do you mean? He is just a friend,” he said.
Jun nodded calmly. “Alright, I will trust that it's not a lie,” he said firmly eyeing Nino.
“It's not, it's not!” Nino said hurriedly. Then he laughed a little. “Are you perhaps jealous?”
Jun narrowed his eyes but choose to ignore him. “How have you been leaving your house while not being seen by the security guy?”
Nino shrugged. “Emergency stairs. They are on the opposite side so the security guy wouldn't possibly know.”
Jun signed exhaustedly. “I can't believe how you fooled me,” he groaned. Then he took a deep breath to ask his last question. “And finally, what does 13 mean?”
Nino smirked. “It's a secret,” he said before pulling Jun closer and trapping him inside a heated kiss.
Trivia:
x I used goroawase here for Nino’s pen name which is a word play in Japanese with using numbers to create words or even sentences. If you read 13 as 1 and 3 it becomes ひみつ (himitsu) which means “secret”. Also himitsu is one of Nino's solos. I kind of wanted to do something Nino can do.
x sensei is usually used to refer to authors or mangakas.
x senpai is used to refer people who are superior than one.
x 2LDK stands for apartments which have two bedrooms plus a living room, a dining room, and a kitchen.
Nino side-story:My Dearest
Pairing: Matsumoto Jun x Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: none
Summary: “Dear you,” was the very first line that Jun read. Those lines, which is written by the mysterious writer 13, changed Jun's life. Never once in his life, he believed those words were fake and he was determined to prove it.
Notes: Written for
reveetoile, in Jun Exhange. Please visit the end of the fic for some little trivia.
“Dear you,” The book that changed Jun’s life started with these two simple words. Which were actually weird but somehow affected him for longer than he actually wanted to. It was the first time for Jun that a book stuck in his mind and made him a fan of the mysterious writer 13. It changed him in a way that no one expected from Jun since he was aiming to enroll a university where he can study maths when 13’s first book had been published. With the sudden change of his mind, he started studying literature and in the end he ended up as an editor in the very same publishing company with 13-sensei. However life wasn’t something that went as smoothly as you expected and Jun was very bitter about it when he become the editor-in-charge of Mashiro-sensei who was a quite unreasonable and very irresponsible person. Oh and not to forget that she was very very self-centered.
That’s why he was thinking that his evening couldn’t turn out worse than it already was when he saw his boss. The Iron Lady of the editing department came towards him with a furious expression on her face.
"Mashiro-sensei doesn't want to work with you anymore Matsumoto-kun," said his boss with a firm look on her face. Jun didn’t react fast to this information because he already knew this would happen. Mashiro-sensei, -not a sensei in his opinion- was being absurd, a fact which he had told her. He knew it would cost him to his job eventually. But still, he didn’t think it was his fault or anything.
"Why?" He asked as if he didn't know what had lead to this. His boss clicked her tongue. Iron Lady, he thought. She was in her late thirties with short hair, always wearing proper suits with proper makeup and a proper hairdo. Every single thing about her was proper. She was the only woman in a higher position and everyone called her Iron Lady because of that. She was tough and had made her way up quite successfully.
"You said something rude to her, didn't you?" Iron Lady narrowed her eyes as she crossed her arms. "You are not being useful, Matsumoto! We don't need your useless opinion about the book! Your work is not giving your opinion to the writer but support her!"
"My intention was supporting Mashiro-sensei, Sasaki-san, but she is the one who can't stand even one simple opinion," Jun said not being able to hold himself.
Iron Lady's eyes twitched with anger. "Go home now, Matsumoto," she hissed under her breath. "Before I fire you from the editors’ department. Just get out of my sight."
Jun didn't say anything as he bowed and left there hurriedly. It was already half past six in the evening. So even if he left the office, no one would say anything to him at all. He sighed heavily as he rubbed his eyes while he was waiting for the elevator. He was so tired and he needed a proper night’s rest so much. It was frustrating. He hadn't been Mashiro-sensei's editor for a long time and he actually hated that young girl who was acting like hey-my-novels-are-so-amazing-and-I-am-too-perfect-for-your-opinion. He hated her with all his might. She was only writing second, no, third-rated novels, and they were only popular because it was trendy at the moment and they would not even stay long on the shelves. And what was worst, she was not even thinking about improving her writing. He was mad, not because he was no longer her editor but because the superiors were only favoring Mashiro-sensei.
Jun had no idea at all about what he was actually doing. He loved literature with all his might. He loved books way too much and that was why he had chosen to be an editor. Maybe being a writer would have been easier but he still liked his editing job. However, lately, he felt drained about everything including his love for his job, his will to live, and so much more.
He rubbed the back of his neck, frustrated. He was definitely tired. The elevator doors opened with a bing voice, bringing him back to the reality again.
The elevator doors revealed Aiba Masaki who happened to be his close friend. “Jun-kun! Going home?” he asked when he saw him with a bright smile on his face. Jun tried to smile a little as he got into the elevator.
“Yeah,” Jun answered dryly.
“You don’t look so good,” Aiba said with a concerned voice as he looked at Jun closely. His friend didn’t seem very well lately. He had deep dark circles under his eyes and his normally strong features seemed devastated with tiredness. He liked Jun. Definitely not as a lover but the guy was serious about his work, so he kind of admired the other. Aiba knew Jun from the first day of his internship since Aiba was working in Human Resources. Jun was passionate about books and gave his best at being an editor. He was charming, handsome and serious in many ways and he also knew how to have a nice time with co-workers. They usually went out drinking together, sometimes with other co-workers joining them. So, seeing Jun devastated like this was really worrying Aiba.
“I am fine,” Jun said curtly.
“Something happened?”
“Just lack of sleep,” Jun tried to cut his investigation while wishing for the elevator to go faster.
“Just lack of sleep wouldn’t cause this state to the Matsumoto Jun I know,” Aiba pestered. “Come on Jun, I have seen your lack of sleep state too many times to believe this.”
Jun heaved a sigh. His head started to ache. “Can’t you just leave me alone?” He didn't care if he sounded like begging anymore.
Aiba wanted to say no, however, he heard the undertone in Jun's voice and didn't persist anymore. “Okay,” he said, then added hurriedly. “But you know whenever you need company I'm there, right ?”
Jun didn’t say anything but he couldn’t help his lips turning into a weak smile. “I know, thanks, Aiba-kun!” He said while trying his best to smile, and to his relief, the elevator reached its destination saving him from a further discussion. “See you later, Aiba-kun.” He said hurriedly before fleeing from his company.
On his way home, every step Jun took felt heavier than usual. Maybe I should just quit this job, he thought and heaved a sigh. He took the subway, which seemed weirdly more crowded than usual. “Oh,” he said involuntarily. It wasn’t unusual that the subway was crowded at this time, but it was unusual for him to take the train at that hour. He had been staying overtime at work rather than leaving early. However, he had never once thought that it was inconvenient, because he had simply loved his work back then.
Jun had a passion for books which actually started with the very first book of 13. They say books are all about timing. If you managed to find the perfect book in perfect timing, it could change your life in a way that you could never imagine. In his case, that perfect book was 13-sensei’s first book which made Jun fall in love literature. He had read every kind of book until now, after his miraculous encounter with 13-sensei’s first book: The Watchmaker of Golden Realm. He had also made some attempts to write himself however he had never wanted to publish them. On the contrary, he was the one who refused to publish his book and he became an editor instead. Because his love for books was something sacred in his head and he wanted to work in the progress of creating them. It was way more fulfilling than being a writer. In a sense, he could be called stubborn but he never cared about it.
However, sadly, he had some serious doubts about this job choice of his now. Maybe I should go to the countryside and grow some strawberries, he thought defeated as he walked into a convenience store. He bought a six-pack of beer and some food. Once he went out of the convenience store, it was already near half past seven and it was rather dark outside.
He lived in a 2LDK house in a quiet apartment, in a quiet neighborhood. Jun preferred living in a quiet place since it was the best for reading. That’s why the apartment which Jun lived in was quite far from the street and he never really saw his neighbors too. And there had been no incident in the two years he lived in that street. A simple neighborhood with quiet people living in it; nothing could be better than this. That night, he wanted to take a break from his miserable life while taking his favorite book to read.
“Dear you,” Jun smiled softly as he started to read it again for what felt like the hundredth time. The book was the first one written by 13, which Jun found weird for an author’s name. However, Jun couldn’t bring himself to mock him when his writing was this good, this touching. He was a good, loyal reader of 13, and also 13 was the one who made him choose the publishing company that he was currently working at. Jun had never even seen 13’s face in the two years that he was working there but he heard his name quite often; which was simply because he was the biggest author in that company. But neither being the bestselling author nor being a mysterious person was what impressed Jun. He simply loved 13’s words. Which was strange but Jun always thought he could feel the writer’s pain and loneliness through his writing. Especially in that first book… It was weird but also quite amazing.
He had a tired but peaceful smile on his face when he finally fell asleep with the book in his hands.
***
The next day was full of new discoveries for Jun. Though he was made to sit under the sharp gaze of Sasaki-san he managed to observe the editing department. Since when he started working with Mashiro-sensei, Jun had to comply with all her stupid wishes like going to eat sweets even though her deadline was getting closer. Jun hated to be scolded in her place every time when they had to extend her deadline. So after all those times, Jun didn’t even feel bad now about leaving Mashiro-sensei. Well, he was actually kind of fired but who cared about that fact.
Strangely there was a restless atmosphere around the editing department. Some of the older employees were running around in panic and even Sasaki-san seemed more aware of the door and phones. He wanted to know what was going on but it probably wasn’t the wisest idea to ask Sasaki-san since he had been marked red yesterday. He sighed and tried to focus on the editing job in front of him.
He was in the middle of the text when he was called by Sasaki-san to the meeting room suddenly. Much to his surprise, even the president was in the room. “We will be quick,” the president had a frown on his face as he spoke. “I believe you know about 13-sensei. We would like to assign you as his editor-in-charge from today.”
Jun’s eyes widened as he tried to digest the news. 13-sensei! I can work with him? After all this time? However, he couldn’t let his feelings show since he didn’t want to seem like a crazy fan. So he asked with a calm attitude: “13-sensei? The one who sold over a million books? Why me?”
The president heaved a sigh. “Because Sasaki-san was the one who recommended you. But be aware that I will not show any mercy if you displease 13-sensei. Sasaki-san will explain everything to you then.” The president left the room as Jun bowed. Sasaki-san also bowed to the president before she closed the door behind him.
“Let’s sit, Matsumoto-kun,” she said showing him to sit opposite of her. “I won’t lie to you, we are actually having some troubles with 13-sensei,” Sasaki-san said with a sigh.
“Troubles?” Jun frowned.
“He refuses to talk to us and he already fired five different editors. His previous editor was Kuranosuke-san, and you know he is good at his work. So I want you to be prepared,” Sasaki-san said seriously.
“Then why me, Sasaki-san?” Jun asked not averting his eyes from the Iron Lady’s gaze.
“Because you are a problematic editor and I felt like you can compete with his brattiness,” said the Iron Lady as she leaned back. “But believe me, he is way more troublesome than you, so be prepared.”
Jun couldn’t say anything back as he thought: Oh God.
***
Jun looked at the address once again to see if he was standing in front of the right building. Jun was surprised. The apartment which he was looking at was in the middle of the city, in a noisy area. He didn’t really know what to expect but certainly, he wasn’t expecting this. Was it even possible to write something in such chaos? Because that neighborhood could mean nothing but chaos. He sighed. He had no right to judge 13-sensei, or anyone else. So he shrugged as he stuffed the paper into his pocket and went inside the building. According to the security officer who was on the first floor, 13-sensei was living on the fourth floor and hadn't gotten out of his house yet. Finding door number 406 on the fourth floor was easy. He rang the bell and waited for 13-sensei to open the door. However, nothing happened. He rang the door for a second time and then a third time. He was getting impatient as he rang for the fourth, then fifth time. For some reason, he didn’t even bother to move his finger from the bell.
However, nothing could be heard from the other side of the door. Which was pretty annoying because that night Jun had to return to his home empty-handed. He sighed as he left the building and crossed the street just to find a small cafe which was nearly empty. Jun went inside the cafe, ordered an espresso leaving his name for the coffee and went to sit in front of the window. He took out The Watchmaker of Golden Realm. Jun stroked the worn out, gold and black mixed cover with a humble smile on his face. 13's first book was quite unknown to the public because it didn’t really sell well. It was a compilation of short stories, partly unconnected. The protagonist was an immortal young man who was working as a watchmaker in a kingdom called Golden Realm, always watching the flow of Time. The first story of the book was a letter from an unknown person which caused the book to start with the words “Dear you,”.
13-sensei started his career with writing this kind of fantasy books, which had certain calmness but also thrill in it with deep psychological descriptions of the characters. However, after his third book, he changed his style. He started to write real-life stories without deep psychological content. That's when he became a legend while he completely stopped writing anything close to The Watchmaker of Golden Realm. However, 13-sensei never lowered his quality, as he gained himself a big name with his always beautiful word choices. He was a big writer who deserved attention even without deep psychological descriptions or delicate reasonings which stole Jun’s heart in The Watchmaker of Golden Realm.
“You have such an old book with you,” he suddenly heard from next to him. Jun looked at the source of the voice just to find a waiter who was holding his coffee.
“Oh, do you know this book?” Jun asked calmly.
“Yes,” the waiter replied with a smile on his face. “I wasn’t expecting to see it here though. It wasn’t a popular book, you know.”
Jun blinked with surprise. “Such a shame, isn’t it?” Jun laid the book gently down on the table. “It's such an absorbing story, and I personally think this is the masterpiece of 13-sensei.”
The waiter raised his eyebrows with surprise. “Most people find it rather boring,” the waiter said.
Jun frowned. “That’s why it’s such a shame,” Jun said sternly.
The waiter laughed out loud because of his serious expression. “You are very interesting, Matsumoto-san,” he said between his laughter.
“Same goes for you too, Ninomiya-san,” said Jun as he read the nametag of the waiter.
“Call me if you need anything,” said Ninomiya before he left for the counter. Jun looked at the small man who had a brightening aura, and a smile on his lips.
***
After a whole two weeks of going to 13-sensei’s house just to return empty-handed, Jun was honestly in deep trouble. He didn't even drop by at the company as he went directly to 13-sensei’s house every day including the weekends. According to the security officer, 13-sensei hadn’t left his house even once. He never answered the door whenever Jun rang until some people got angry at him and chased him away. There was no response and that was driving Jun crazy. He found himself in the same café many times because he was feeling very tired. He sat at the same table as on the first day and spent his time there until the café was closed. It was like his private reserved seat since he was there literally every day.
Between the events of going and returning from 13’s house empty-handed and being stressed by his company, his only support was the waiter, Ninomiya. They eventually became friends and they even got close to the point were they gave each other nicknames. Nino was an easy to talk to person, who had a certain air that made Jun trust him easily. Also, they both had the same taste in books which was a very pleasant experience for Jun. That was the reason why Jun didn’t really keep his job a secret from Nino, who also told him about himself. He was the same age as Jun and attending a college for his master's degree. Before Jun could even realize it, he started to have feelings for the petite guy. Despite his sarcastic behavior, Nino had a soft heart which made Jun feel warm deep inside without Jun’s knowledge.
“So J, still no improvement?” Nino asked when he finally made his way to his table tiredly.
Jun heaved a sigh. “Nope, he is not answering the door. I am not even sure if he still lives there...” he said.
Nino laughed. “You are unexpectedly stubborn, you know that?”
Jun shrugged. “Maybe, but I need to meet 13-sensei no matter what,” Jun said determinedly. “What should I do, Nino?” He asked with hopeful eyes focused on Nino’s face.
“Hmmm…” Nino said. “Do you like this 13-sensei’s works?” He asked suddenly completely ignoring Jun’s question. “I mean, honestly.” He had a very serious look in his eyes which made Jun stop from answering immediately.
He earnestly thought about it for a moment. “I do,” he said after a while. “But I liked his early works better,” he added.
Nino raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?”
“Certainly,” Jun started to explain. “He is one of the most bestselling authors and his work is always interesting. But… how can I explain it… his works are still interesting but they lost their first shine.” He sighed again. “I have a weird feeling this is why 13-sensei refuses to meet the editors.” Then he smiled suddenly as he looked at Nino. “Did I ever tell you that 13-sensei’s first book was the reason why I wanted to become an editor?” He shuffled his bag and took out The Watchmaker of Golden Realm, laying it on the table. “I somehow wanted to be a part of the world which 13-sensei created, because creating a book is the hardest thing that I have ever witnessed,” he looked very nostalgic as he talked about his passion while looking at the worn out book.
Nino seemed flabbergasted. But he recovered quickly before Jun could notice. “You are good at your job, you know that?” He said with a gentle smile on his face.
Jun laughed. “Where does that come from?”
Nino laughed. “Never mind,” he waved a hand in his direction as he went back to the counter. “Oh, by the way, I am gonna take a dayoff,” Nino said suddenly.
Jun frowned. “Something happened?”
“Why? You worried about me, J?” Nino smirked playfully. Jun tried to protest but Nino cut him off. “Just need some time to finish my other papers for the college,” Nino explained. “You know I only work here part-time.” And he disappeared behind the counter before Jun could say anything.
“Be careful! See you later, Nino,” Jun called behind him but Nino never came back again.
***
That was the last time he saw Nino in the café and that was also the last time he ever heard from Nino.
“What do you mean Nino quit?” Jun asked the manager, Sakurai Sho. Jun was honestly worried about him. He wasn’t in the café, he wasn’t answering his phone… There was simply no way to contact him. It had already been a week.
“Well, as you can see I have his resignation letter,” Sakurai Sho showed Jun the letter.
“But he said he would just take a day off…” Jun protested. Sho seemed surprised.
“I don’t really know what he told you but he handed me his resignation letter a week ago,” Sho explained calmly.
“Did he tell you the reason for doing that?” Jun asked.
“No, he didn’t,” Sho said calmly. So you know the reason, Jun thought.
“Do you know where he is now?” Jun asked again not averting his gaze from Sho’s eyes.
“I don’t know. I don’t really ask every part-time employee where they live or why they are leaving, you see,” Sho said calmly again.
You also know where he is but you won’t tell me, Jun thought. He heaved a sigh and took out The Watchmaker of Golden Realm with one of his business cards and wrote a note directed to Nino on it then placed it between the first page of the book. “Can you give this to Nino if he comes here?”
Sho’s eyes widened as he saw the title of the worn out book but eventually took it from Jun. “I can but I don’t know if he will come here again,” he said.
“That’s enough for me,” he smiled and bowed before leaving the café.
***
He went straight to the apartment of 13-sensei and started ringing the doorbell. There was no answer again. However this time he refused to leave and sat down next to the door. “Sensei…” he sighed. He had no idea what to say to 13-sensei even after eroding his door for three weeks. Also, he had no other choice but believe that 13-sensei was behind the door and listening to him. Trying to be positive, he just decided to write what had been on his mind for a long time. “Why did you stop writing books like The Watchmaker of Golden Realm?”
He waited for a whole five minutes until a paper was passed under the door. The white paper came with a note on it: Why do you think I did?
Jun read the note with eyes wide-open. He blinked a few times and then decided to answer 13-sensei. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “But I don’t think you did it for fame or money.”
Another note. How can you be that sure of it?
Jun read the note with a smile on his face. “Because if that was the case, you wouldn’t have been able to write the book that changed my life.” Jun inhaled deeply and started to say the lines which he had read over and over. “Dear you,” he closed his eyes and leaned his back against the wall next to the door. “Now, while you are reading this, I managed to make my last dream come true. The me left alone in a world which I don’t even like has managed to make my own dreams come true. The only thing which saddens me is that I can’t say any of this to you. It’s not because you are dead. However, I will pretend that you are dead. Because the you which I knew, which I loved has been dead since the day you left me alone in this grey world.
I have always thought that a world without you will be dark and suffocating. However, it looks like I was simply wrong about it. This Golden Realm still shines even after you left.
The day we bid farewell, I cried as if I would not see the light again. I cried as your warmth left my skin and become a simple memory which is bound to be forgotten. I cried to the point that my eyes hurt more than my heart and eventually, I fell asleep. It was a dreamless sleep or maybe I thought so. The next day without you came as if nothing had happened, as if you would kiss me good morning but you didn’t. It felt strange, it felt horrible but I managed to get up that day. I can’t forget how I loved you right then, but I will forget how you loved me. The things you left to me will eventually dry up but at least let me remember you.
I still talk to you. Because we broke up as friends, because we could never leave each other’s lives as if we had never met. And I know you feel the same. Because you were the first one who wished a happy birthday to me after months of not talking. I hate your leavings as much as I hate your coming backs, I hate your smile as much as I hate your tears; and I hate your good wishes as much as I hate your love words. However, my stupid heart was so happy. My stupid and very weak heart was so happy to hear from you.
I still know what you do, where you live. And I know you live the life which we dreamed of together.
As you read this, I managed to make my last dream come true. Those dreams we built together, and those dreams which we couldn’t make come true made me who I am today. I hate the me right now, I hate the me who can’t move forward and the me who doesn’t know how to survive in this world without you. However, I will create a new me as The Watchmaker witnesses the flowing time. I will create a new me as The Watchmaker continues to observe this Golden Realm from his seat. And if The Watchmaker can forgive our selfish hearts, we will meet somewhere and you will ask me who I am. It will make me happy as much as it will hurt and I will see that I did it. That I managed to live without you. And even if you don’t know, The Watchmaker will know my journey.
Farewell, dear you. Until time lets us meet again.” Jun took a deep breath as he finished reciting the letter which was actually found by The Watchmaker. This letter was the first story of The Watchmaker of Golden Realm. It was one of the worn out, old, lost letters which were delivered to The Watchmaker when they hadn't reached their destination. Because he was the Watcher of anything and everything.
The Watchmaker was the observer of every story in the book, he connected every story which seemed unconnected. The slight connection between every story was different. Jun had read that book so many times that he knew every word of it. “I read it many times, sensei. I can say every word without looking at the book,” Jun said finally. “If you were just aiming for fame and money, you wouldn’t be writing this.”
I have thrown away my words long ago. Are you saying that you could find those words for me? Do you have enough courage to find those long lost words?
Jun’s eyes widened as he read the last note which was thrown under the door. He wanted to see the old shine of 13-sensei, was there any reason to hesitate now? Jun smiled. “Of course, sensei. I am your editor, after all, I am the only one who could fight with you.”
He didn’t get any other notes from 13-sensei despite still sitting outside; however, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling very successful. 13-sensei has talked to me! was the only thought that kept his mind busy even after waiting for two hours, gaining nothing. Or at least, he thought so.
Jun’s phone started ringing. To his surprise, it was Sasaki-san. He answered the phone with a frown. “Yes, Sasaki-san?”
“Return to the company right now,” The Iron Lady said shortly.
“I am at 13-sensei’s house now, Sasaki-san-” Jun started but he was cut immediately by the Iron Lady.
“So what? You have been going there for three weeks now, Matsumoto-kun. We took you off from being editor-in-charge, we will try to send Kuranosuke-san one more time,” she said.
“But-!” Jun tried to object but the line was already cut. Jun clenched his teeth. He did so much to finally get to talk to 13-sensei! And now, he was simply taken off being editor-in-charge… He felt frustrated more than he thought he would. There's no way I will accept it this easily, he thought determinedly. Sensei, I will definitely come back!
***
“Sasaki-san! What does this mean?!” Jun asked furiously as soon as he stormed inside the editors department, not even caring about his surroundings.
“It's as you heard, Matsumoto. Management decided to take another action,” Sasaki-san said calmly.
Jun blinked with surprise. “What do you mean by that?”
“They decided to cut his contact,” Sasaki-san said sternly. “They think we had enough of his whims.” If Jun had been a bit calmer, he could have clearly seen that Sasaki-san was also annoyed with it. However there was nothing they could do. And knowing that made Jun more than angry. He slammed his hands on Sasaki-san’s desk.
“He hasn't been doing that because of his whims! Sasaki-san you have to listen to me! He is-” he tried to explain desperately. However, the Iron Lady shut him up.
“That's enough, Matsumoto! You are taken off from being editor-in-charge, now, return to your desk!”
Suddenly, Aiba came out of nowhere, holding his arm and dragging to him out of the room. He had probably been there for the whole time but Jun had been way too angry to notice him. He let Aiba drag him out. “You alright?” Aiba asked him finally.
“Do I look alright?” Jun grumbled.
“Well, you look better than the last time I saw you,” Aiba replied calmly. “I heard they were thinking about firing you too, Sasaki-san was the one who stopped them. ”
Jun exhaled loudly. “I managed to speak to him, Aiba-kun. I promised to fight with him and now…”
“Don't worry about it, I am sure Sasaki-san will persuade upper highs and I am sure you will be able to help 13-sensei,” Aiba reassured him with a warm smile. However the only smile he wanted, no, needed to see belonged to someone else. Jun couldn't help thinking about Nino as he heaved a sigh.
***
Jun had absolutely no idea what he was doing as he sat at his desk at the company. It had already been a week since he lost his place as 13-sensei’s editor and it had been three weeks since he last saw Nino. It felt like his life was going steeply downward with a horrible speed that he couldn't even stop. The company apparently had given up on him because they hadn’t given him any other jobs. And things about 13-sensei were driving him crazy. He heard that 13-sensei had refused and fired Kuranosuke-san. Jun was sure that 13-sensei’s job was in danger. He couldn’t even manage to tell that to 13-sensei… He smiled bitterly. He opened the first drawer of his desk to find his resignation letter which he had prepared a week ago, just in case. If they decided to throw out 13-sensei, Jun was determined to leave the company as well.
As for Nino… That specific part of his life was hurting him quite a lot. He didn’t even know how he became so dependent on the existence of petite waiter… The main thing that upset him was the fact that he only understood it only after losing it. He hadn’t noticed but the desire to see Nino was probably stronger than the desire to reach 13-sensei which was actually not that surprising. Jun had always thought about 13-sensei professionally. Yes, he was a fan of him but that fan thing was contained inside admiration and gratefulness. Meanwhile, Nino had become something irreplaceable for him, little by little. Certainly, Nino wasn’t the type to make people turn to look at him twice but if you let that petite guy, he would penetrate one’s soul like no one else could. Jun checked his phone just to find nothing from Nino. He sighed. Luck wasn’t at his side at all.
“Matsumoto-kun, can you come to the meeting room for a moment?” he heard Sasaki-san. He inhaled deeply, and feeling quite determined he took out his resignation letter and hurried after Sasaki-san.
“I will be blunt, we were serious about firing 13-sensei but he finally responded,” Sasaki-san explained not even waiting for Jun to say anything. “He is working on his new book finally, I believe you have something to do with his new resolution.” She said calmly, eyeing Jun.
Jun chose to stay silent. “Well either way, it was good.” Sasaki-san continued. “We assigned Ohno-san as his new editor, just for your information.”
“Why?” Jun asked a bit louder than he actually intended. “Shouldn’t it be me who you assign as his editor? I worked for it!”
“Yes, you did and we are thankful for that but for now you should wait,” Sasaki-san said. She had an understanding light in her eyes. “I will try my best to assign you as his editor but for now, you two are standing out like a sore thumb. Just let me and Ohno-san handle this and it will be forgotten eventually. And you should throw away that resignation letter,” she said pointing at the letter he was holding. “We will need you to deal with 13-sensei a lot afterwards,” she said before standing up and making her way out of the meeting room. Jun could do nothing but stare after her defeatedly.
***
Jun found himself in the café where he had met Nino that night. He felt beyond horrible; the feeling of having failed made everything harder than it already was.
“Oh, Jun-kun…” he heard a familiar voice when he went inside. He turned his head to the voice just to see his superior Ohno Satoshi buying some take away coffee. “How are you?” Ohno asked smiling calmly. He was a good person who was able to do his job well. He was also calm as hell which Jun admired sometimes.
“I am fine, Ohno-senpai,” Jun returned respectfully.
Ohno sighed a little. “I have been telling you to drop all those formalities for a while now…”
Jun laughed a little despite the feeling of emptiness. “Thanks, Ohno-san.”
“Well, better than before I guess…” he said calmly. “By the way, 13-sensei sent his greetings to you. Oh and he also asked me to deliver this to you,” he said while he shuffled inside his pocket, taking out a small wrinkled paper and handing it to Jun.
Jun took the paper, recognizing 13-sensei’s handwriting immediately.
The Watchmaker said that time is what we can’t control. I will wait for you to come back. And make sure to return to me because you are responsible for this new book.
Jun smiled a bit. “Thank you Ohno-san,” he said calmly as he stuffed the paper into his own pocket.
“Here is your order, Ohno-san,” Sakurai Sho came just in time to stop them from more talking.
“Thank you,” Ohno said as he took his orders from Sakurai and turned to Jun. “I need to go now but I will do my best until you take your place back,” he smiled peacefully before he left. Jun looked after him for a while not saying anything. I will definitely take my place back, sensei, Ohno-san! he thought determinedly. Then he turned to Sakurai but before he could say anything Sho told him what he wanted to know. “First of all, he is not here and secondly yes, he came once and I gave him the book.”
“Oh…” Jun said. “Thank you… Um, and uh, sorry for bothering you,” he said with an embarrassed look on his face. “I guess… I should leave… Yes, I should,” he mumbled. “Thank you again for handing it to Nino,” Jun said before turning around and leaving the shop hurriedly.
So he simply doesn’t want to see me, Jun thought miserably. Feeling rejected even before he could confess or do anything… But he wanted to meet Nino so badly right now to the point that his eyes were searching for him everywhere. Nino… he sighed internally. But he didn’t have anything he could do against it…
That night Jun returned to his home feeling lonely and miserable.
***
It was three months later that Jun found a package on his desk, sender unknown. He put his bag on his chair and immediately opened the package which was packed firmly. He ripped the packaging off quickly just to find The Watchmaker of Golden Realm and another book inside. The worn out gold and black cover was way too familiar to him and he immediately knew that it was his own copy which he had left in the café. The old copy which was supposed to be with Nino was in front of him… He immediately opened the book and looked for a message from Nino but to his disappointment, nothing was there. Then finally, the other book which had a silver and blue cover attracted his attention.
“The Word Hunter of Lost World,” he read the title of the book out loud. It was 13’s new book. Jun’s eyes widened as he hurriedly opened the book.
To my dear Word Hunter who promised me to hunt down my long lost words in the depths of my own darkness.
Jun blinked with surprise. Is he talking about me?
Jun couldn’t be more eager for his day to be over. After work, he found himself in the café where he had met Nino, with the two books of 13. He couldn’t go home… Somehow being in that café felt more reassuring for reading The Word Hunter of Lost World.
He opened the first page and started to read the new book. To his surprise, this new book was written in the first style of 13-sensei… It had the same calmness but thrilling and consuming atmosphere. Jun’s eyes couldn’t leave the lines as he read. He sometimes even forgot to breathe.
The story was taking place in a world which reminded Jun terribly of the Golden Realm. Though it was a dystopian version of the Golden Realm where there was no Watchmaker and people couldn’t speak with their own words unless they bought them or traded them in. However, every word had its own meaning and its own weight as well as a specific value in that world which made some of them impossible to get unless you go into the depths of Dark Lands to hunt them. The story was occurring around The Hunter who was a specialist for hunting down special words for people who requested it, in exchange for the words which Hunter wanted.
He felt tears building in his eyes, like he finally met someone after a really long time. He was thinking that he really had missed this writing style of 13. When he finally finished the book, he couldn’t help himself but wonder why The Hunter collected specific words in order to go hunting.
He turned to the first word that The Hunter had collected. It was “dear”. Jun blinked in surprise. He took out his notebook and started to write down every word which was given to The Hunter in exchange of the words he hunted.
When he finished collecting the words he found a message directed to the reader: Dear you, this is for you and only you. You don’t need a hunter like me. The words have been inside your heart. Let them speak with their own voices. Sincerely, The Hunter.
Jun smiled peacefully. This was the 13 that changed his life. This was the 13 that he had longed for so long. He made a note to himself to express these good feelings to 13 once he would be his editor again. When he turned the last page he saw a handwritten note from 13.
Dear J, this is for you. Thank you for being my Word Hunter. I am sorry for lying to you.
-Ninomiya Kazunari
***
Jun rang 13’s door without even bothering to move his finger away from the bell. He rang and rang until it creaked open, revealing a messy-looking Nino.
Nino groaned. “Having you ring this door nonstop is really irritating, you know?”
Jun simply stood there not really affected by finally seeing Nino in front of him. “Having you fool me this whole time is more irritating, you know?” he said coldly.
Nino was taken aback by Jun's words. He lowered his head and mumbled weakly. “I am sorry.”
“You should be,” Jun said sternly. “Did you have fun watching me struggle? Did you have fun when I asked you for your help or some advice?” Jun’s voice was colder than Nino had actually expected. He couldn't say anything in return. “Say something,” Jun said coldly. When nothing could be heard from Nino, he showed him The Watchmaker of Golden Realm and said: “Did you have fun when I was desperately searching for you?”
Nino looked up into Jun's eyes, surprised to find a very warm look in them despite his cold voice. His eyes were looking for some explanation from Nino, which encouraged him to speak. “I didn't,” he said truthfully. “But I couldn't bring myself to reveal my identity as 13, no matter what… You were so kind and I was just…” he inhaled deeply. “I have wanted to be Ninomiya Kazunari, not 13 for a very long time. And I honestly wanted to stop writing. That's when you came to look for 13 and in a way you found me…” Stubborn tears built up in Nino's eyes, but he blinked them back. “I intended to not involve you but you were so stubborn and I ended up here, again…” he stopped and searched for more accurate words but he couldn't say anything as Jun hugged him strongly.
Jun could feel his surprise while he hugged him. He buried his face in Nino's messy hair, deeply breathing in his scent and he stroked his back up and down soothingly. Nino asked him with a weak voice: “Aren't you mad at me?” His voice was too weak, Jun chuckled.
“I am, oh, believe me I am furious about the fact that you lied to me like this,” he pushed Nino back a little, just to be able to see his face. “But I love you way too much to walk away for something like this,” he said calmly and truthfully.
Nino blinked a few times and Jun waited for his words to sink in. Suddenly the tears that Nino had blinked back returned stronger than before. His lips started to tremble. “So you won't leave?” he asked with a weak voice.
Jun smiled and wiped his tears away with his thumb. “No,” he said firmly. “But I am still mad at you for making me live through hell these last months.”
Nino hugged him tightly. “I am sorry,” he said for the nth time.
Jun laughed. “Who are you and what have you done to cheeky Nino?” he said while trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere around them.
“You better appreciate this Nino while you have time, before the cheeky one comes back,” Nino grumbled not looking up from where he had buried his face.
Jun chuckled again. “At least let me inside now, I have been ringing the bell way too long for you.”
Nino walked backwards not letting Jun break their hug. And Jun wasn't complaining about it either. Nino was perfect for hugging, he laughed internally. Nino led him into the living room which could be described as nothing but a mess. Compared to his house, Nino was literally living in chaos. “Sorry,” Nino mumbled shyly. “I don't usually have visitors except Sho-chan.”
“Sho-chan?” Jun asked.
“The owner of the café, I sometimes help him and he gives me free coffee,” Nino explained.
“So you weren't really working there after all,” Jun heaved a sigh.
“I am sorry,” Nino apologized again.
“We should do something to make up for all those lies,” he said looking straightly at Nino.
“Like what?” Nino inquired.
“Like this,” Jun said before he sealed their lips with a heated kiss.
Both of them were out of breath when they separated. “You have an interesting way of making things up,” Nino said panting.
“And I want to know something before we move this to the bedroom,” Jun said, ignoring Nino's words.
Nino stiffened as he heard Jun.
“First of all, this Sho-chan of yours? What about him?” he asked seriously.
Nino blinked with surprise. “What do you mean? He is just a friend,” he said.
Jun nodded calmly. “Alright, I will trust that it's not a lie,” he said firmly eyeing Nino.
“It's not, it's not!” Nino said hurriedly. Then he laughed a little. “Are you perhaps jealous?”
Jun narrowed his eyes but choose to ignore him. “How have you been leaving your house while not being seen by the security guy?”
Nino shrugged. “Emergency stairs. They are on the opposite side so the security guy wouldn't possibly know.”
Jun signed exhaustedly. “I can't believe how you fooled me,” he groaned. Then he took a deep breath to ask his last question. “And finally, what does 13 mean?”
Nino smirked. “It's a secret,” he said before pulling Jun closer and trapping him inside a heated kiss.
Trivia:
x I used goroawase here for Nino’s pen name which is a word play in Japanese with using numbers to create words or even sentences. If you read 13 as 1 and 3 it becomes ひみつ (himitsu) which means “secret”. Also himitsu is one of Nino's solos. I kind of wanted to do something Nino can do.
x sensei is usually used to refer to authors or mangakas.
x senpai is used to refer people who are superior than one.
x 2LDK stands for apartments which have two bedrooms plus a living room, a dining room, and a kitchen.
Nino side-story:My Dearest
