mikunicchi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mikunicchi) wrote2018-05-07 07:39 pm
mikunicchi) wrote2018-05-07 07:39 pm
Entry tags:
[Fanfic] My Dearest
Title: My Dearest
Pairing: Ninomiya Kazunari x Matsumoto Jun
Rating: PG
Warnings: this part is not betaed, I am sorry for my poor English m(_ _)m
Summary: Nino’s side story of “Dear You”.
Nino started to write, only because he loved and enjoyed writing. However, 13's life was nothing but a nightmare so far.
Notes: Written forreveetoile, in Jun Exhange. I am sorry, I couldn't write this part for Jun Exchange but hope you eventually like this part too <3
Please visit the first part (Dear You) of the fic for some little trivia.
The digital clock was showing 03.58 in the morning when Nino opened his eyes, unable to sleep anymore. A soft smile adorned his face while he turned to his side to look at the beautiful and very peaceful sleeping face next to him. With a sudden urge, he held out his hand to take away the tufts of hair from Jun’s face gently. He didn’t really have thought that everything will turn out like this, however, he was very happy with the current situation.
He knew what he did was simply unforgivable and he was prepared to be rejected by Jun. He made him suffer too much and Nino knew there was no way to justify his actions. He was well aware of that. He caressed Jun’s cheek fondly, almost overwhelmed by the emotions.
Nino didn’t know he could fell in love again. He didn’t think he could feel his heart beating so fast because of someone again… He even surprised himself, deciding to take his pen to his hand again. Because he knew that he had lost everything; his passion for writing, his desire to keep living, his courage to let himself fall for someone again.
In the end, the man named as Ninomiya Kazunari was nothing but a coward. All he could do was running away from everything. He wasn’t stupid, he was aware of his own actions but that didn’t help him to figure out a way to fight.
He stood up from his bed silently and very carefully in order not to wake Jun up. He padded up to his messy living room and shuffled around to open a space for himself to sit. There was a lot of papers scattered everywhere, most of them were drafts of his old stories because he actually kept the drafts of his last novel The Word Hunter of Lost World safely and very neatly in his own writing desk. Despite using a computer to write and storing his writings in an online drive which is only known by himself, he somehow still stick to the idea of creating his drafts into actual papers. Somehow he knew that sounded old fashioned but he liked the feeling of slightly rough feeling of paper under his hand. Certainly it was way slower than writing on the computer but he knew that he had created the best part of every story while writing it to a paper.
Thinking about it, he remembered the reason why he started writing very well. He was very young, fourteen years old to be more specific, when he first started writing. He was hurt, he felt frustrated and somehow tired despite his young age. He had a deep desire to write down all of his own feelings, slightly trusting that a paper can’t reveal any of one’s secret. He honestly, didn’t really think much about it though. At first he had a pen and some ripped pages from his notebook but soon he bought a notebook for the purpose of writing. That one simple notebook turned into a bunch of notebooks full of stories before he could even realize. And before he could register, he felt like he actually enjoyed writing. So he decided to continue. He simply wanted to continue doing what he loved. Nothing more or nothing less. Strangely, the feeling of loneliness he had always felt was eased slightly and he felt very proud of himself when his literature teacher, who realized that Nino was always writing something, told him that he was writing very good and encouraged him to continue.
Of course, he continued his daily life as Ninomiya Kazunari. He didn’t have enough courage to voice everything in his mind and truly hiding behind the action of writing felt good and safe.
Nino loved writing slightly fantastic stories which had a certain relaxing atmosphere. He also loved creating worlds which no one knew about. Every time it was his biggest joy to discover those worlds himself. He would write pages and pages as if he was being seized by something, not even thinking about anything else.
From some point, he actually wanted to be better at it. Yes, he was only writing them because he liked writing them but also he wanted them to shine even if no one but his literature teacher would read them. He spent some of his time in the library, reading lots of different books and trying to learn more about literature. He intended to do his best and he was prepared to do anything for it. He worked over and over again on those stories before he could actually show them to someone.
The first person which he showed his stories was his first love. He was in the second year of high school when they met. The other one was the first year and he was in technology club with Nino and they shared same hobbies, well mostly gaming because honestly Nino had become way too serious about writing so he really didn’t want to call writing as a hobby. The two became friends almost immediately, then turned into lovers in the blink of an eye. And for Nino the other, owned his heart completely. He loved him with every part of his soul, there was no denying it. He loved the other to the point of revealing his most vulnerable part and showed him his stories; thinking that they would always be together. What a wishful thinking, Nino knew it well now.
The other, of course, didn’t have any interest to read them at all. However, Nino still couldn’t bring himself to get angry to him and simply let it go. He was okay with throwing himself aside. That was how much Nino loved the other. That was how much he let him hurt Nino.
When the other finally said that their relationship wasn’t going well as they wanted, he broke up with Nino. Before leaving, he told Nino that he only loved him because he was everything that Nino can’t obtain. That was true. He was everything that Nino can’t obtain no matter what he did but that wasn’t the reason why he loved the other. However, Nino chose to stay silent, again.
Instead, this time he wanted to prove himself that he could totally live without him. He could totally make his dreams come true even if he wasn’t with him anymore. That was when he started to write The Watchmaker of Golden Realm, which started with “Dear you”. It was a message to his first love after all, he didn’t really have a reason to deny it. When he finished it, he sent it to a certain publishing company’s “Beginner Writers” contest. He really wasn’t expecting it to win the first place at all.
And that was how 13’s life has started.
***
It turned out 13’s life was a very lonely, frustrating and tiring life. Of course, until he met Jun.
He still remembered that The Watchmaker of Golden Realm didn’t sell well. His second novel was also in the same genre. He wasn’t selling well, and to be honest, he wasn’t really expecting to sell well. However, he desired to reach more people. He wanted a lot of people to read his stories. That was when his editor proposed him to “follow the trend”. It wouldn’t do any harm, since he didn’t have anything to lose after all. So he gave it a try. Surprisingly, it went well. That strange feeling of success filled his heart but it soon made him greedy. He wanted to reach more, he wanted to write for them more, because they loved it. Because his talent finally approved by the public! He did his best with his word choices, he made the story as likeable as possible and he was desperate to keep going. His editor was urging him to follow the trend, making him write more and more.
He slowly started to feel drained. And he slowly started to forget why he was writing in the first place… What an irony, he thought. He wanted to make people happy, he wanted to be happy but now he was burying his own happiness into the stories which he couldn’t enjoy anymore. All left to him when he finished a new book was now the thought of “it’s finally over”. The thought of indifference towards his own book terrified him. It shouldn’t have been like this, but then again, what was he expecting? Nothing. In the end, he only started to write because he wanted to protect himself; he chose to publish those stories because he wanted to prove himself that he could do it alone; he agreed to change his style because he wanted to reach a lot of people; however in the end, he was in his small but safe house, alone and tired. He didn’t know what he should write anymore, he didn’t even know if he should continue to write anymore. Realizing that he had been driven by the shine of fame, he was scared to continue anymore. He didn’t want fame anymore. He didn’t want money anymore. What changed him like this? Why did he started trying to please readers and the company like this? To the point of losing his own purpose of writing? Did it really worth? Were there even a meaning for him to continue after all of these?
That’s why when Kuranosuke-san came with suggestions for his new book, he threw him out of his house, locked his door and told him that he is fired.
A week turned a month when Nino finally decided to go out since his only friend; the owner of the café across the street was very worried about him. He told Sakurai Sho about his desire to stop writing and the other had shown his understanding to him, also suggesting him to work as a waiter in his café. Nino agreed to him since he didn’t have a better idea about what to do.
It was his second week as the waiter in Sho’s café when Matsumoto Jun walked in. He ordered a single coffee and left his name for it and went to sit down at the farthest table which was located next to the wide windows. He was radiating around himself and Nino caught himself staring at him while he waited for his coffee to get ready. He was tall, had a handsome face and broad shoulders, his navy suit looked slightly expensive but very functional. He was probably working at one of those well-known companies, probably loved by his superiors and his juniors. Nino smiled sadly when he realized that he started to create a background story for him. He should stop that habit of his, if he honestly wanted to stop writing, he reminded himself.
When Nino turned to look at him again, Matsumoto-handsome-Jun started to shuffle his leather briefcase and took out a book which caused Nino to feel thunderstruck. Nino would recognize that gold and black designed cover wherever he would see. He was holding The Watchmaker of Golden Realm with utmost care and Nino could see that the book was worn out because of reading many times. A sad smile adorned Nino’s face and he couldn’t stop himself to approach Matsumoto.
“You have such an old book with you,” he said trying to sound as carefree as possible. It wasn’t easy for him to see that book after all those time. Yes, he had it on his bookshelf but he didn’t have the courage to face with it after everything.
Matsumoto seemed surprised but smiled as if he had found an ally. “Oh, do you know this book?” he asked calmly.
“Yes,” Nino replied with a very practiced smile on his face. “I wasn’t expecting to see it here though. It wasn’t a popular book, you know.”
Matsumoto blinked with surprise. “Such a shame, isn’t it?” He laid the book gently down on the table. “It's such an absorbing story, and I personally think this is the masterpiece of 13-sensei.”
“Most people find it rather boring,” Nino said feeling really bitter about it.
Matsumoto frowned. “That’s why it’s such a shame,” Jun said sternly.
Nino laughed heartily, after a very long time. The man was truly interesting. “You are very interesting, Matsumoto-san.”
Matsumoto returned his smile and leaned on slightly to read his name tag. “Same goes for you too, Ninomiya-san.”
“Call me if you need anything,” said Nino finally and urged himself to walk behind the counter. His heart was beating faster than he actually remembered that it could. Matsumoto Jun, honestly an interesting person, he thought finally.
***
Soon, Nino learned who the real Matsumoto Jun is.
Surprisingly, the other seemed to trust Nino immediately and told him who he was, what he was doing there and of course about his job. Nino couldn’t help but feel tense over, hearing Jun was the new editor that was sent by his publishing company to find him and of course, bring him back. He honestly didn’t want that to happen so he thought about leaving. However, he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Too afraid to admit that he actually enjoyed Matsumoto Jun’s accompany.
He came looking for 13 every day. Including Sundays too. He was cheerful, full of hope towards the future, stubborn, also had the same taste over the books. He was two months younger than Nino, however, he emitted a certain calmness and dependable aura. If only we met earlier, Nino thought whenever Jun left his seat to go and ring 13’s door. He hated himself for fooling him. He hated himself for not being able to let him go. He hated Nino who can’t face with Jun. He hated 13 who forbid him from facing Jun.
In this meetings, Nino eventually had to tell Jun about himself too. Before he could register, he started to recite the background story that he created unconsciously. He didn’t even know when he started to think about a background story for himself but apparently, his mind was working on it for a while already. Nino wanted to laugh at himself.
***
One of those days when Jun returned from his daily “ringing-the-13’s-door” task, he leaned to the small table, seeming very exhausted so Nino went to sit next to him and hear about his worries.
“So J, still no improvement?” Nino asked when he finally made his way to his table tiredly. He had given that nickname to Jun pretty quickly. It felt really natural and suited him very well, to his surprise.
Jun heaved a sigh which sounded very hopeless. “Nope, he is not answering the door. I am not even sure if he still lives there...” he said.
Nino laughed. “You are unexpectedly stubborn, you know that?”
Jun shrugged. “Maybe, but I need to meet 13-sensei no matter what,” Jun said determinedly, surprising Nino. “What should I do, Nino?” He asked with hopeful eyes focused on Nino’s face, Nino honestly didn’t know what to do… He was the main reason why Jun was suffering like this and if he really wanted to help him, he should return to be 13 and save him from every trouble. But he was still unsure. About himself, about Jun and about returning.
“Hmmm…” Nino said most likely to the purpose of filling the gap. He had a question that he wanted to ask him for a very long time; “Do you like this 13-sensei’s works?” He asked finally completely ignoring Jun’s ask for advice. “I mean, honestly.” He insisted. He needed to hear the most honest answer of Jun.
He watched Jun think about the question seriously for a moment. “I do,” he said after a while. “But I liked his early works better,” he added.
Nino raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?” His heart was beating like crazy.
“Certainly,” Jun started to explain. “He is one of the most bestselling authors and his work is always interesting. But… how can I explain it… his works are still interesting but they lost their first shine.” He sighed again. “I have a weird feeling this is why 13-sensei refuses to meet the editors.” Then he smiled suddenly as he looked at Nino. Nino loved the shine in Jun’s eyes. It was radiating his darkest days and his soul like nothing could ever do. “Did I ever tell you that 13-sensei’s first book was the reason why I wanted to become an editor?” Nino’s eyes widened in surprise. His throat dried and for a moment he couldn’t take a breath as Jun shuffled his bag and took out The Watchmaker of Golden Realm, laying it on the table. “I somehow wanted to be a part of the world which 13-sensei created, because creating a book is the hardest thing that I have ever witnessed,” he looked very nostalgic as he talked about his passion while looking at the worn out book when Nino could only close his eyes in order to keep himself from spilling everything.
When he had opened his eyes again to look at Jun he strangely felt like he didn’t have to feel sad anymore. “You are good at your job, you know that?” He said with a gentle smile on his face. If only we could meet before everything, Nino thought not daring to voice it.
Jun laughed. “Where does that come from?”
Nino laughed. “Never mind,” he waved a hand in his direction as he went back to the counter. “Oh, by the way, I am gonna take a dayoff,” Nino said suddenly deciding what to do.
Jun frowned. “Something happened?” Nino could hear the slight worry in his voice.
“Why? You worried about me, J?” Nino smirked playfully as he couldn’t himself to tease him. Jun tried to protest but Nino cut him off. “Just need some time to finish my other papers for the college,” Nino explained. “You know I only work here part-time.” And he disappeared behind the counter before Jun could say anything.
“Be careful! See you later, Nino!” That was the last time, Nino saw Jun. He finally decided to return his place to do what he can really do. To write again.
***
Nino looked at the paper in front of him blankly. He did decide to write again but… write what? Was there anything left to him? His pen stained the white paper as he stayed without moving it. He was scared. He realized his hands were slightly trembling. For him, being there, in front of that desk turned out something really scary. Nino wanted to laugh. What had happened to cheeky Nino who threw snarky comments everywhere? Where did his self-confidence go? But he was well aware that it was always like this. Every single time he started to write something, especially after he started to follow “the trend” he always felt like nothing was enough to reassure him. He was just… too blind to see it. He realized that now, how pitiful.
The sound of his doorbell cut his train of thoughts. He knew who was ringing and he wanted to open the door more than anything. However, if he opened that door now, he knew he would lose everything. Still, that didn’t stop him from padding up to the door. He sat on the step and waited for Jun to leave. But he didn’t. Again, he managed to surprise Nino, as if he existed for that purpose. Nino heard Jun shuffling around and sitting down with a tired groan. Before he could stop himself, he stood up and sit down leaning against his door. Somehow, wanting to be closer to Jun.
After a few minutes, Nino heard Jun speak. It was louder enough for Nino to hear it. “Sensei… Why did you stop writing books like The Watchmaker of Golden Realm?” Nino smiled bitterly. He thought he wasn’t aiming for anything but in the end, he left that in order to gain more readers. Wasn’t that aiming for fame? Nino wanted to punch himself. He stood up silently, and took one of his notebooks and went back to the door. For a whole minute, Nino could only look blankly to his notebook. Then he slowly scribbled down a question before ripping the paper from the notebook: Why do you think I did? And passed it under the door not giving himself a time to stop.
“I don’t know,” Nino heard Jun replying after a few seconds. “But I don’t think you did it for fame or money.” He said truthfully.
Nino wanted to shot himself down as guilt attacked him again. How could he do this to Jun? How could he betray him when he trusted Nino like this?! He was the worst. Frustrated, he scribbled down another question and passed it under the door again: How can you be that sure of it? He wanted to write down the whole situation. He wanted to shout him that he didn’t deserve his company but he couldn’t when Jun answered his question truthfully once again.
“Because if that was the case, you wouldn’t have been able to write the book that changed my life.” Nino knew what he was talking about and he started to scribble something when he heard Jun starting to talk again. “Dear you,” Nino froze. He really wasn’t expecting to hear those words there and then. He gulped down as Jun continued. Why does it have to be now? Why does he have to read those lines when Nino was already suffering from it. “Now, while you are reading this, I managed to make my last dream come true. The me left alone in a world which I don’t even like has managed to make my own dreams come true. The only thing which saddens me is that I can’t say any of this to you. It’s not because you are dead. However, I will pretend that you are dead. Because the you which I knew, which I loved has been dead since the day you left me alone in this grey world.
I have always thought that a world without you will be dark and suffocating. However, it looks like I was simply wrong about it. This Golden Realm still shines even after you left.
The day we bid farewell, I cried as if I would not see the light again. I cried as your warmth left my skin and become a simple memory which is bound to be forgotten. I cried to the point that my eyes hurt more than my heart and eventually, I fell asleep. It was a dreamless sleep or maybe I thought so. The next day without you came as if nothing had happened, as if you would kiss me good morning but you didn’t. It felt strange, it felt horrible but I managed to get up that day. I can’t forget how I loved you right then, but I will forget how you loved me. The things you left to me will eventually dry up but at least let me remember you.
I still talk to you. Because we broke up as friends, because we could never leave each other’s lives as if we had never met. And I know you feel the same. Because you were the first one who wished a happy birthday to me after months of not talking. I hate your leavings as much as I hate your coming backs, I hate your smile as much as I hate your tears; and I hate your good wishes as much as I hate your love words. However, my stupid heart was so happy. My stupid and very weak heart was so happy to hear from you.
I still know what you do, where you live. And I know you live the life which we dreamed of together.
As you read this, I managed to make my last dream come true. Those dreams we built together, and those dreams which we couldn’t make come true made me who I am today. I hate the me right now, I hate the me who can’t move forward and the me who doesn’t know how to survive in this world without you. However, I will create a new me as The Watchmaker witnesses the flowing time. I will create a new me as The Watchmaker continues to observe this Golden Realm from his seat. And if The Watchmaker can forgive our selfish hearts, we will meet somewhere and you will ask me who I am. It will make me happy as much as it will hurt and I will see that I did it. That I managed to live without you. And even if you don’t know, The Watchmaker will know my journey.
Farewell, dear you. Until time lets us meet again.” Jun took a deep breath as he finished reading the letter. Nino already had placed his head on his knees, his notebook thrown aside. He was already in a whirlpool of emotions and then this… “I read it many times, sensei. I can say every word without looking at the book,” Jun said finally. “If you were just aiming for fame and money, you wouldn’t be writing this.”
Oh how much he had missed writing like that… The Watchmaker of Golden Realm made him remember how much he actually loved writing. Could he really give up on his hope? Could he really stop writing? Maybe. But he was torturing himself all the way.
Again, he reached out for his notebook and scribbled down his last question: I have thrown away my words long ago. Are you saying that you could find those words for me? Do you have enough courage to find those long lost words?
“Of course, sensei. I am your editor, after all, I am the only one who could fight with you.” Jun answered almost immediately, without hesitation. A smile finally appeared on Nino’s face and he stood up, making his way to his writing desk.
This time, his pen didn’t stop moving on the white paper.
***
It was nearing midnight when Nino heard his doorbell again. He was ready to ignore it when he heard his best friends voice.
“Nino! It’s me, can you open the door?”
Nino stood up from his place slightly annoyed because of being interrupted, he went to open his door. “Why are you at my door on this late hour?! Don’t you have a better place to go? Really, you should find a girlfriend for yourself,” he said as soon as he opened the door. However, his friend flashed a smile when he saw him. To Nino’s surprise, he pulled him into a tight hug. “Wha-!? Sho-chan?!” Nino tried to escape from his hug but Sho was, of course, stronger than him.
“I am so glad to see this Nino again!” he said, Nino could feel how relieved and happy he actually sounded. Nino blushed a little and pushed Sho.
“Stop it, I have been here all the time,” he protested his words. Sho only smiled knowingly. “I hate this smart-ass smile of yours,” Nino grumbled.
“No, you don’t. And we both know it,” Sho said with a smirk on his face. “And for your information, I do have a girlfriend, actually she is waiting for me now.”
“And then, may I ask, why are you here, hugging your best friend instead of being with your girlfriend?” Nino shot back.
“I came to deliver you this,” He shuffled his back and soon took out the book which Jun wanted him to deliver. “A certain someone was really worried about you this morning and asked me to give this to you if you ever drop by. However, I am thinking that you will be busy for a while so I came to give it to you personally,” he explained knowingly.
Nino took the book from Sho’s hands, chuckling a little. “How did you know that I will be busy?”
Sho pointed his face with his forefinger. “I know that sparkle in your eyes. Let’s be glad to Matsumoto Jun for awakening your will again.”
Nino laughed. “Thank you, Sho The Wise,” he said sarcastically.
Sho laughed too. “Well then, I will leave you alone with your love letter, good luck!” He said before leaving and Nino waved behind him.
He closed the door and went back to his writing desk looking at The Watchmaker of Golden Realm, he was aware that this was Jun’s copy. Wait… If he gave his copy to Sho in the morning, then did he really memorize it all? Nino’s mouth fell open before he burst out laughing. “Oh, J,” he said while looking at the book’s gold and black cover. “I will give you something that you will absolutely love,” he said determinedly and opened to look for some kind of notes in it.
Of course, there it is, Nino thought proudly.
You may have problems in your life, Nino, but I am right here. Please, let me be your strength. I will wait for your call. Sincerely, Jun.
He looked at the small card and very neat handwriting of Jun, reading the note a couple of times. Jun was such a romantic man, even the thought of it somehow made him blush. The note made him realize one thing for certain, he liked Jun. He liked him more than he actually thought and maybe that was why he was feeling that guilty because of lying to him.
Nino had never need anyone in his life after he broke up with his first love. Because he was simply too scared to take that one step whenever someone showed his interest towards him. He never let anyone to his life. The difference about Jun was that; he forced his way to Nino’s life.
Strangely, Nino didn’t feel bad about it.
***
When the company tried to reason with him once again, they sent Kuranosuke-san. He let the old man inside this time, telling him that he will continue writing but he doesn’t want to work with him anymore. His only request from the company was to give him another editor, preferably Jun. Kuranosuke-san nodded understandingly.
“It was my fault after all,” the old man said before leaving. “I am sorry for making you write things that you don’t want, Ninomiya-kun,” he tried apologizing clumsily. Nino took a deep breath.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he said calmly. “I chose to comply with it, it was my own responsibility.”
Kuranosuke-san pressed his lips together and an uncomfortable silence fell between them. “Well then, good luck from now on, Ninomiya-kun,” he said finally before leaving his house.
He never saw Kuranosuke-san again.
***
Nino thought things were going well until he found out his new editor wasn’t Jun. He wanted to protest but his new editor, a very calm and rather sleepy-looking man who named as Ohno Satoshi, explained that he didn’t have any other choices to bear with him because the company was furious about this subject. He immediately feared for Jun’s job.
“Sasaki-san convinced everyone that he better stayed in the editing department. He is now editor-in-charge of a new author, a very promising one and we all believe Jun will help him find out his way in this world,” he explained Jun’s current situation. “He is doing his best,” Ohno said reassuringly. “So you should do your best too.”
Nino’s lips turned into a thin line as he seriously thought about it. “Alright,” he said determinedly. “Can I entrust you a note? For Jun,” he asked hesitantly.
The older man smiled. “Of course, sensei,” he said calmly. “I am here for you after all.”
Nino could already feel that he and Ohno would be good friends even if they end up not working together again.
***
Nino placed The Watchmaker of Golden Realm to his writing desk so that he could see it whenever he looked to it. It was, of course, Jun’s copy. He somehow wanted to feel the young man close to him. This book provided a very special connection between him and Nino.
He wrote and wrote, hardly ever stopping, as if he was seized by something. Ohno had to constantly remind him to eat or sleep but still, Nino didn’t really feel hungry or tired. The urge to write was strongest so far and Nino didn’t even want to resist to that urge.
It had been a while since he was excited to see his own story’s ending. His fingers over the keyboard were moving at the fastest pace they could handle. It was like the words were coming to him, flowing from his mind and forming shapes with meeting the letters. It was like a door has been unlocked and the more Nino wrote, the more he felt independent. He figured out how he actually loved writing and after losing it once, now Nino didn’t want to lose it again. All thanks to Jun. All thanks to his stubbornness.
Every time Nino thought about Jun, he couldn’t help but smile. He had missed him so much, but he decided that he won’t see him until he finished this book. For Jun, more than himself. It was a gift, only for Jun. He had written a letter for his first love in his first book, and he was writing a whole book for Jun. There was no doubt in it. Nino poured all emotions that he harbored for Jun into the book. Gratefulness, respect, guilt, sorrow, trust, and more than anything; love.
He wrote The Hunter only imaging Jun. Even if he didn’t include everything into The Hunter, he made sure that The Hunter was a savior for everyone in the Lost World. The Hunter saved everyone who had troubles with voicing certain words, just like Jun did for Nino.
Nino also loved to think about him whenever he wasn’t writing. He thought about his handsome face, his sweet smile, his broad shoulders, the way how his eyes shined when he talked about his passions, the way how he loved crab cream croquettes, his never-ending love towards mascot characters, how he blushed when Nino teased him. Every trivial thing about Jun made Nino happy.
And soon Nino finished the book.
***
When the first copy of The Word Hunter of Lost World delivered to Nino by Ohno, he was thrilled. Finally! Quickly he wrote a final note on the last page of the book and packed it together with The Watchmaker of Golden Realm and asked Ohno to give it to Jun.
That day, finally relieved from everything and pretty much overwhelmed by the tiredness, Nino fell asleep on the sofa in his living room. It had been a while since he slept like that: with a smile on his face, and feeling very successful.
***
Nino woke up with the furious doorbell. He groaned, tried to bury his head under the cushions but nothing worked as the doorbell continued to ring and ring. Feeling very irritated, he dragged himself towards the door, cursing the back pain which was caused by his own sofa. He opened the door, feeling very cranky. “Having you ring this door nonstop is really irritating, you know?” he said not even looking at to the face of his visitor.
“Having you fool me this whole time is more irritating, you know?” A cold voice, suddenly reached his ears, waking him up completely. It was Jun. Honestly, he didn’t really think what to do after this. He really didn’t know how his book would affect their relationship with Jun. He was expecting a furious Jun if he had to be honest. He had the right to be angry towards Nino. He also had the right to refuse to see him again. Nino did something awful, after all; therefore, he was ready to face the consequences. At least that was what he thought.
However, Jun was simply standing there not really affected by finally seeing Nino. He was probably too angry to be affected by it… Nino gulped down, lowered his head and mumbled weakly. “I am sorry.” He really did something horrible to Jun and his excuse wasn’t even made the situation better.
“You should be,” Jun said coldly. “Did you have fun watching me struggle? Did you have fun when I asked you for your help or some advice?” Jun’s voice was colder than Nino had actually expected. He couldn't say anything in return as the words stabbed his heart one by one. Hearing his confronting was harder than Nino had actually expected. “Say something,” Jun said coldly, slightly raising his voice. However, Nino still couldn’t utter a word to him. Then suddenly, he showed him The Watchmaker of Golden Realm and said: “Did you have fun when I was desperately searching for you?”
Nino looked up into Jun's eyes, surprised to find a very warm look in them despite his cold voice. His eyes were looking for some explanation from Nino, which encouraged him to speak. “I didn't,” he said truthfully. “But I couldn't bring myself to reveal my identity as 13, no matter what… You were so kind and I was just…” he inhaled deeply. “I have wanted to be Ninomiya Kazunari, not 13 for a very long time. And I honestly wanted to stop writing. That's when you came to look for 13 and in a way you found me…” Stubborn tears built up in Nino's eyes, but he blinked them back. He needed to speak now, he needed to tell him why he was hiding all the time. He needed to step forward and reveal his truest feeling to Jun, just like he did for Nino. It was the only way for Nino to finally let his own insecurities go. “I intended to not involve you but you were so stubborn and I ended up here, again…” he stopped and searched for more accurate words, why would words abandon him now?! When he needed to speak and tell him everything… He was simply loss of words! But before he could say anything, he felt Jun’s strong arms around himself. His eyes widened when the soft but refreshing scent of Jun’s cologne reached him. Soon Jun buried his face in Nino's messy hair, deeply breathing in his scent and he stroked his back up and down soothingly. Nino was frozen as he let Jun hug him. He was too surprised to register what was happening. A question popped into his mind: “Aren't you mad at me?”
Jun chuckled as soon as he heard him. “I am,” Nino could hear the sound of Jun’s heartbeat mixed with his words, “Oh, believe me, I am furious about the fact that you lied to me like this,” he pushed Nino back a little, just to be able to see his face. “But I love you way too much to walk away for something like this,” he said calmly and truthfully. Something like this? Nino wanted to ask but he was way too shocked by the fact that Jun referred how horrible Nino was in these past months as something like this. He had lied to him for this whole time, risked his job, dumped him, disappeared without saying anything. And everything was ‘something like this’? How?! Nino blinked a few times and Jun waited for his words to sink in. Suddenly the tears that Nino had blinked back returned stronger than before, realizing that Jun chose to forgive him, despite being angry. His lips started to tremble. “So you won't leave?” he asked with a weak voice.
Jun smiled and wiped his tears away with his thumb. How gentle his touch was… Nino immediately craved for more. “No,” Jun said firmly. “But I am still mad at you for making me live through hell these last months.”
Nino hugged him tightly. “I am sorry,” he said for the nth time.
Jun laughed. “Who are you and what have you done to cheeky Nino?” he said while trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere around them.
“You better appreciate this Nino while you have time, before the cheeky one comes back,” Nino grumbled not looking up from where he had buried his face. What a pleasant feeling, he thought.
Nino could feel the vibrations when he chuckled. “At least let me inside now, I have been ringing the bell way too long for you,” Jun said and Nino wanted nothing more than to let him inside. He walked backward not letting Jun break their hug. He had already nestled there and he honestly didn’t want to leave anytime soon. And Jun wasn't complaining about it either which was a fact that worked on Nino’s behalf.
Nino led him into the living room which could be described as nothing but a mess. He usually tidied his room but lately, he didn’t have time for it. Besides, no one but Nino, if you don’t count Ohno and Sho, come to his house so why bother? Though apparently, he should have been bothered by it, after all. “Sorry,” Nino mumbled shyly when he saw the shocked expression of Jun. “I don't usually have visitors except for Sho-chan.”
“Sho-chan?” Jun asked.
“The owner of the café, I sometimes help him and he gives me free coffee,” Nino explained.
“So you weren't really working there after all,” Jun heaved a sigh.
“I am sorry,” Nino apologized again.
“We should do something to make up for all those lies,” he said looking straightly at Nino.
“Like what?” Nino inquired.
“Like this,” Jun said before he sealed their lips with a heated kiss.
Both of them were out of breath when they separated. Jun is very skilled in kissing, Nino noted himself, much to his delight. “You have an interesting way of making things up,” Nino said sarcastically while trying to catch his breath.
“And I want to know something before we move this to the bedroom,” Jun said, ignoring Nino's words.
Nino stiffened as he heard Jun.
“First of all, this Sho-chan of yours? What about him?” he asked seriously.
Nino blinked with surprise. “What do you mean? He is just a friend,” he said. And Sho had a girlfriend if that was a necessary information?
Jun nodded calmly. “Alright, I will trust that it's not a lie,” he said firmly eyeing Nino.
“It's not, it's not!” Nino said hurriedly, trying to ensure him. Then he laughed a little. “Are you perhaps jealous?” He didn’t want to voice that he actually liked the idea of jealous Jun.
Jun narrowed his eyes but choose to ignore him. A cute pout was adorning his face and Nino had a hard time to refrain himself from kissing him again. “How have you been leaving your house while not being seen by the security guy?”
Nino shrugged. “Emergency stairs. They are on the opposite side so the security guy wouldn't possibly know.”
Jun signed exhaustedly. “I can't believe how you fooled me,” he groaned. Then he took a deep breath to ask his last question. “And finally, what does 13 mean?”
Nino smirked. This wasn’t the first time someone asked the meaning of 13. He knew a lot of people were trying to decipher that name and he was really proud of himself for that pen name. He had spent his days and nights until he found it so there was no way he would give it up that quickly. But maybe, most probably definitely, Jun would be the one who will discover his name and the meaning behind 13. Just like he had discovered the lost words of Nino. So he thought, it wouldn’t do any harm to give him a hint: “It's a secret,” he said before pulling Jun closer and trapping him inside a heated kiss. This was only beginning of their story. Nino believed that as long as he had Jun in his life, he would be able to write more novels and create a lot of worlds. Hopefully, with Jun in it.
-FIN-
A/N: This was a really surprise. I didn't expected this side story to came to me this quickly but I am happy that I got to write a Nino part of this story. Hope you enjoy it as well!
Pairing: Ninomiya Kazunari x Matsumoto Jun
Rating: PG
Warnings: this part is not betaed, I am sorry for my poor English m(_ _)m
Summary: Nino’s side story of “Dear You”.
Nino started to write, only because he loved and enjoyed writing. However, 13's life was nothing but a nightmare so far.
Notes: Written for
reveetoile, in Jun Exhange. I am sorry, I couldn't write this part for Jun Exchange but hope you eventually like this part too <3Please visit the first part (Dear You) of the fic for some little trivia.
The digital clock was showing 03.58 in the morning when Nino opened his eyes, unable to sleep anymore. A soft smile adorned his face while he turned to his side to look at the beautiful and very peaceful sleeping face next to him. With a sudden urge, he held out his hand to take away the tufts of hair from Jun’s face gently. He didn’t really have thought that everything will turn out like this, however, he was very happy with the current situation.
He knew what he did was simply unforgivable and he was prepared to be rejected by Jun. He made him suffer too much and Nino knew there was no way to justify his actions. He was well aware of that. He caressed Jun’s cheek fondly, almost overwhelmed by the emotions.
Nino didn’t know he could fell in love again. He didn’t think he could feel his heart beating so fast because of someone again… He even surprised himself, deciding to take his pen to his hand again. Because he knew that he had lost everything; his passion for writing, his desire to keep living, his courage to let himself fall for someone again.
In the end, the man named as Ninomiya Kazunari was nothing but a coward. All he could do was running away from everything. He wasn’t stupid, he was aware of his own actions but that didn’t help him to figure out a way to fight.
He stood up from his bed silently and very carefully in order not to wake Jun up. He padded up to his messy living room and shuffled around to open a space for himself to sit. There was a lot of papers scattered everywhere, most of them were drafts of his old stories because he actually kept the drafts of his last novel The Word Hunter of Lost World safely and very neatly in his own writing desk. Despite using a computer to write and storing his writings in an online drive which is only known by himself, he somehow still stick to the idea of creating his drafts into actual papers. Somehow he knew that sounded old fashioned but he liked the feeling of slightly rough feeling of paper under his hand. Certainly it was way slower than writing on the computer but he knew that he had created the best part of every story while writing it to a paper.
Thinking about it, he remembered the reason why he started writing very well. He was very young, fourteen years old to be more specific, when he first started writing. He was hurt, he felt frustrated and somehow tired despite his young age. He had a deep desire to write down all of his own feelings, slightly trusting that a paper can’t reveal any of one’s secret. He honestly, didn’t really think much about it though. At first he had a pen and some ripped pages from his notebook but soon he bought a notebook for the purpose of writing. That one simple notebook turned into a bunch of notebooks full of stories before he could even realize. And before he could register, he felt like he actually enjoyed writing. So he decided to continue. He simply wanted to continue doing what he loved. Nothing more or nothing less. Strangely, the feeling of loneliness he had always felt was eased slightly and he felt very proud of himself when his literature teacher, who realized that Nino was always writing something, told him that he was writing very good and encouraged him to continue.
Of course, he continued his daily life as Ninomiya Kazunari. He didn’t have enough courage to voice everything in his mind and truly hiding behind the action of writing felt good and safe.
Nino loved writing slightly fantastic stories which had a certain relaxing atmosphere. He also loved creating worlds which no one knew about. Every time it was his biggest joy to discover those worlds himself. He would write pages and pages as if he was being seized by something, not even thinking about anything else.
From some point, he actually wanted to be better at it. Yes, he was only writing them because he liked writing them but also he wanted them to shine even if no one but his literature teacher would read them. He spent some of his time in the library, reading lots of different books and trying to learn more about literature. He intended to do his best and he was prepared to do anything for it. He worked over and over again on those stories before he could actually show them to someone.
The first person which he showed his stories was his first love. He was in the second year of high school when they met. The other one was the first year and he was in technology club with Nino and they shared same hobbies, well mostly gaming because honestly Nino had become way too serious about writing so he really didn’t want to call writing as a hobby. The two became friends almost immediately, then turned into lovers in the blink of an eye. And for Nino the other, owned his heart completely. He loved him with every part of his soul, there was no denying it. He loved the other to the point of revealing his most vulnerable part and showed him his stories; thinking that they would always be together. What a wishful thinking, Nino knew it well now.
The other, of course, didn’t have any interest to read them at all. However, Nino still couldn’t bring himself to get angry to him and simply let it go. He was okay with throwing himself aside. That was how much Nino loved the other. That was how much he let him hurt Nino.
When the other finally said that their relationship wasn’t going well as they wanted, he broke up with Nino. Before leaving, he told Nino that he only loved him because he was everything that Nino can’t obtain. That was true. He was everything that Nino can’t obtain no matter what he did but that wasn’t the reason why he loved the other. However, Nino chose to stay silent, again.
Instead, this time he wanted to prove himself that he could totally live without him. He could totally make his dreams come true even if he wasn’t with him anymore. That was when he started to write The Watchmaker of Golden Realm, which started with “Dear you”. It was a message to his first love after all, he didn’t really have a reason to deny it. When he finished it, he sent it to a certain publishing company’s “Beginner Writers” contest. He really wasn’t expecting it to win the first place at all.
And that was how 13’s life has started.
***
It turned out 13’s life was a very lonely, frustrating and tiring life. Of course, until he met Jun.
He still remembered that The Watchmaker of Golden Realm didn’t sell well. His second novel was also in the same genre. He wasn’t selling well, and to be honest, he wasn’t really expecting to sell well. However, he desired to reach more people. He wanted a lot of people to read his stories. That was when his editor proposed him to “follow the trend”. It wouldn’t do any harm, since he didn’t have anything to lose after all. So he gave it a try. Surprisingly, it went well. That strange feeling of success filled his heart but it soon made him greedy. He wanted to reach more, he wanted to write for them more, because they loved it. Because his talent finally approved by the public! He did his best with his word choices, he made the story as likeable as possible and he was desperate to keep going. His editor was urging him to follow the trend, making him write more and more.
He slowly started to feel drained. And he slowly started to forget why he was writing in the first place… What an irony, he thought. He wanted to make people happy, he wanted to be happy but now he was burying his own happiness into the stories which he couldn’t enjoy anymore. All left to him when he finished a new book was now the thought of “it’s finally over”. The thought of indifference towards his own book terrified him. It shouldn’t have been like this, but then again, what was he expecting? Nothing. In the end, he only started to write because he wanted to protect himself; he chose to publish those stories because he wanted to prove himself that he could do it alone; he agreed to change his style because he wanted to reach a lot of people; however in the end, he was in his small but safe house, alone and tired. He didn’t know what he should write anymore, he didn’t even know if he should continue to write anymore. Realizing that he had been driven by the shine of fame, he was scared to continue anymore. He didn’t want fame anymore. He didn’t want money anymore. What changed him like this? Why did he started trying to please readers and the company like this? To the point of losing his own purpose of writing? Did it really worth? Were there even a meaning for him to continue after all of these?
That’s why when Kuranosuke-san came with suggestions for his new book, he threw him out of his house, locked his door and told him that he is fired.
A week turned a month when Nino finally decided to go out since his only friend; the owner of the café across the street was very worried about him. He told Sakurai Sho about his desire to stop writing and the other had shown his understanding to him, also suggesting him to work as a waiter in his café. Nino agreed to him since he didn’t have a better idea about what to do.
It was his second week as the waiter in Sho’s café when Matsumoto Jun walked in. He ordered a single coffee and left his name for it and went to sit down at the farthest table which was located next to the wide windows. He was radiating around himself and Nino caught himself staring at him while he waited for his coffee to get ready. He was tall, had a handsome face and broad shoulders, his navy suit looked slightly expensive but very functional. He was probably working at one of those well-known companies, probably loved by his superiors and his juniors. Nino smiled sadly when he realized that he started to create a background story for him. He should stop that habit of his, if he honestly wanted to stop writing, he reminded himself.
When Nino turned to look at him again, Matsumoto-handsome-Jun started to shuffle his leather briefcase and took out a book which caused Nino to feel thunderstruck. Nino would recognize that gold and black designed cover wherever he would see. He was holding The Watchmaker of Golden Realm with utmost care and Nino could see that the book was worn out because of reading many times. A sad smile adorned Nino’s face and he couldn’t stop himself to approach Matsumoto.
“You have such an old book with you,” he said trying to sound as carefree as possible. It wasn’t easy for him to see that book after all those time. Yes, he had it on his bookshelf but he didn’t have the courage to face with it after everything.
Matsumoto seemed surprised but smiled as if he had found an ally. “Oh, do you know this book?” he asked calmly.
“Yes,” Nino replied with a very practiced smile on his face. “I wasn’t expecting to see it here though. It wasn’t a popular book, you know.”
Matsumoto blinked with surprise. “Such a shame, isn’t it?” He laid the book gently down on the table. “It's such an absorbing story, and I personally think this is the masterpiece of 13-sensei.”
“Most people find it rather boring,” Nino said feeling really bitter about it.
Matsumoto frowned. “That’s why it’s such a shame,” Jun said sternly.
Nino laughed heartily, after a very long time. The man was truly interesting. “You are very interesting, Matsumoto-san.”
Matsumoto returned his smile and leaned on slightly to read his name tag. “Same goes for you too, Ninomiya-san.”
“Call me if you need anything,” said Nino finally and urged himself to walk behind the counter. His heart was beating faster than he actually remembered that it could. Matsumoto Jun, honestly an interesting person, he thought finally.
***
Soon, Nino learned who the real Matsumoto Jun is.
Surprisingly, the other seemed to trust Nino immediately and told him who he was, what he was doing there and of course about his job. Nino couldn’t help but feel tense over, hearing Jun was the new editor that was sent by his publishing company to find him and of course, bring him back. He honestly didn’t want that to happen so he thought about leaving. However, he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Too afraid to admit that he actually enjoyed Matsumoto Jun’s accompany.
He came looking for 13 every day. Including Sundays too. He was cheerful, full of hope towards the future, stubborn, also had the same taste over the books. He was two months younger than Nino, however, he emitted a certain calmness and dependable aura. If only we met earlier, Nino thought whenever Jun left his seat to go and ring 13’s door. He hated himself for fooling him. He hated himself for not being able to let him go. He hated Nino who can’t face with Jun. He hated 13 who forbid him from facing Jun.
In this meetings, Nino eventually had to tell Jun about himself too. Before he could register, he started to recite the background story that he created unconsciously. He didn’t even know when he started to think about a background story for himself but apparently, his mind was working on it for a while already. Nino wanted to laugh at himself.
***
One of those days when Jun returned from his daily “ringing-the-13’s-door” task, he leaned to the small table, seeming very exhausted so Nino went to sit next to him and hear about his worries.
“So J, still no improvement?” Nino asked when he finally made his way to his table tiredly. He had given that nickname to Jun pretty quickly. It felt really natural and suited him very well, to his surprise.
Jun heaved a sigh which sounded very hopeless. “Nope, he is not answering the door. I am not even sure if he still lives there...” he said.
Nino laughed. “You are unexpectedly stubborn, you know that?”
Jun shrugged. “Maybe, but I need to meet 13-sensei no matter what,” Jun said determinedly, surprising Nino. “What should I do, Nino?” He asked with hopeful eyes focused on Nino’s face, Nino honestly didn’t know what to do… He was the main reason why Jun was suffering like this and if he really wanted to help him, he should return to be 13 and save him from every trouble. But he was still unsure. About himself, about Jun and about returning.
“Hmmm…” Nino said most likely to the purpose of filling the gap. He had a question that he wanted to ask him for a very long time; “Do you like this 13-sensei’s works?” He asked finally completely ignoring Jun’s ask for advice. “I mean, honestly.” He insisted. He needed to hear the most honest answer of Jun.
He watched Jun think about the question seriously for a moment. “I do,” he said after a while. “But I liked his early works better,” he added.
Nino raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?” His heart was beating like crazy.
“Certainly,” Jun started to explain. “He is one of the most bestselling authors and his work is always interesting. But… how can I explain it… his works are still interesting but they lost their first shine.” He sighed again. “I have a weird feeling this is why 13-sensei refuses to meet the editors.” Then he smiled suddenly as he looked at Nino. Nino loved the shine in Jun’s eyes. It was radiating his darkest days and his soul like nothing could ever do. “Did I ever tell you that 13-sensei’s first book was the reason why I wanted to become an editor?” Nino’s eyes widened in surprise. His throat dried and for a moment he couldn’t take a breath as Jun shuffled his bag and took out The Watchmaker of Golden Realm, laying it on the table. “I somehow wanted to be a part of the world which 13-sensei created, because creating a book is the hardest thing that I have ever witnessed,” he looked very nostalgic as he talked about his passion while looking at the worn out book when Nino could only close his eyes in order to keep himself from spilling everything.
When he had opened his eyes again to look at Jun he strangely felt like he didn’t have to feel sad anymore. “You are good at your job, you know that?” He said with a gentle smile on his face. If only we could meet before everything, Nino thought not daring to voice it.
Jun laughed. “Where does that come from?”
Nino laughed. “Never mind,” he waved a hand in his direction as he went back to the counter. “Oh, by the way, I am gonna take a dayoff,” Nino said suddenly deciding what to do.
Jun frowned. “Something happened?” Nino could hear the slight worry in his voice.
“Why? You worried about me, J?” Nino smirked playfully as he couldn’t himself to tease him. Jun tried to protest but Nino cut him off. “Just need some time to finish my other papers for the college,” Nino explained. “You know I only work here part-time.” And he disappeared behind the counter before Jun could say anything.
“Be careful! See you later, Nino!” That was the last time, Nino saw Jun. He finally decided to return his place to do what he can really do. To write again.
***
Nino looked at the paper in front of him blankly. He did decide to write again but… write what? Was there anything left to him? His pen stained the white paper as he stayed without moving it. He was scared. He realized his hands were slightly trembling. For him, being there, in front of that desk turned out something really scary. Nino wanted to laugh. What had happened to cheeky Nino who threw snarky comments everywhere? Where did his self-confidence go? But he was well aware that it was always like this. Every single time he started to write something, especially after he started to follow “the trend” he always felt like nothing was enough to reassure him. He was just… too blind to see it. He realized that now, how pitiful.
The sound of his doorbell cut his train of thoughts. He knew who was ringing and he wanted to open the door more than anything. However, if he opened that door now, he knew he would lose everything. Still, that didn’t stop him from padding up to the door. He sat on the step and waited for Jun to leave. But he didn’t. Again, he managed to surprise Nino, as if he existed for that purpose. Nino heard Jun shuffling around and sitting down with a tired groan. Before he could stop himself, he stood up and sit down leaning against his door. Somehow, wanting to be closer to Jun.
After a few minutes, Nino heard Jun speak. It was louder enough for Nino to hear it. “Sensei… Why did you stop writing books like The Watchmaker of Golden Realm?” Nino smiled bitterly. He thought he wasn’t aiming for anything but in the end, he left that in order to gain more readers. Wasn’t that aiming for fame? Nino wanted to punch himself. He stood up silently, and took one of his notebooks and went back to the door. For a whole minute, Nino could only look blankly to his notebook. Then he slowly scribbled down a question before ripping the paper from the notebook: Why do you think I did? And passed it under the door not giving himself a time to stop.
“I don’t know,” Nino heard Jun replying after a few seconds. “But I don’t think you did it for fame or money.” He said truthfully.
Nino wanted to shot himself down as guilt attacked him again. How could he do this to Jun? How could he betray him when he trusted Nino like this?! He was the worst. Frustrated, he scribbled down another question and passed it under the door again: How can you be that sure of it? He wanted to write down the whole situation. He wanted to shout him that he didn’t deserve his company but he couldn’t when Jun answered his question truthfully once again.
“Because if that was the case, you wouldn’t have been able to write the book that changed my life.” Nino knew what he was talking about and he started to scribble something when he heard Jun starting to talk again. “Dear you,” Nino froze. He really wasn’t expecting to hear those words there and then. He gulped down as Jun continued. Why does it have to be now? Why does he have to read those lines when Nino was already suffering from it. “Now, while you are reading this, I managed to make my last dream come true. The me left alone in a world which I don’t even like has managed to make my own dreams come true. The only thing which saddens me is that I can’t say any of this to you. It’s not because you are dead. However, I will pretend that you are dead. Because the you which I knew, which I loved has been dead since the day you left me alone in this grey world.
I have always thought that a world without you will be dark and suffocating. However, it looks like I was simply wrong about it. This Golden Realm still shines even after you left.
The day we bid farewell, I cried as if I would not see the light again. I cried as your warmth left my skin and become a simple memory which is bound to be forgotten. I cried to the point that my eyes hurt more than my heart and eventually, I fell asleep. It was a dreamless sleep or maybe I thought so. The next day without you came as if nothing had happened, as if you would kiss me good morning but you didn’t. It felt strange, it felt horrible but I managed to get up that day. I can’t forget how I loved you right then, but I will forget how you loved me. The things you left to me will eventually dry up but at least let me remember you.
I still talk to you. Because we broke up as friends, because we could never leave each other’s lives as if we had never met. And I know you feel the same. Because you were the first one who wished a happy birthday to me after months of not talking. I hate your leavings as much as I hate your coming backs, I hate your smile as much as I hate your tears; and I hate your good wishes as much as I hate your love words. However, my stupid heart was so happy. My stupid and very weak heart was so happy to hear from you.
I still know what you do, where you live. And I know you live the life which we dreamed of together.
As you read this, I managed to make my last dream come true. Those dreams we built together, and those dreams which we couldn’t make come true made me who I am today. I hate the me right now, I hate the me who can’t move forward and the me who doesn’t know how to survive in this world without you. However, I will create a new me as The Watchmaker witnesses the flowing time. I will create a new me as The Watchmaker continues to observe this Golden Realm from his seat. And if The Watchmaker can forgive our selfish hearts, we will meet somewhere and you will ask me who I am. It will make me happy as much as it will hurt and I will see that I did it. That I managed to live without you. And even if you don’t know, The Watchmaker will know my journey.
Farewell, dear you. Until time lets us meet again.” Jun took a deep breath as he finished reading the letter. Nino already had placed his head on his knees, his notebook thrown aside. He was already in a whirlpool of emotions and then this… “I read it many times, sensei. I can say every word without looking at the book,” Jun said finally. “If you were just aiming for fame and money, you wouldn’t be writing this.”
Oh how much he had missed writing like that… The Watchmaker of Golden Realm made him remember how much he actually loved writing. Could he really give up on his hope? Could he really stop writing? Maybe. But he was torturing himself all the way.
Again, he reached out for his notebook and scribbled down his last question: I have thrown away my words long ago. Are you saying that you could find those words for me? Do you have enough courage to find those long lost words?
“Of course, sensei. I am your editor, after all, I am the only one who could fight with you.” Jun answered almost immediately, without hesitation. A smile finally appeared on Nino’s face and he stood up, making his way to his writing desk.
This time, his pen didn’t stop moving on the white paper.
***
It was nearing midnight when Nino heard his doorbell again. He was ready to ignore it when he heard his best friends voice.
“Nino! It’s me, can you open the door?”
Nino stood up from his place slightly annoyed because of being interrupted, he went to open his door. “Why are you at my door on this late hour?! Don’t you have a better place to go? Really, you should find a girlfriend for yourself,” he said as soon as he opened the door. However, his friend flashed a smile when he saw him. To Nino’s surprise, he pulled him into a tight hug. “Wha-!? Sho-chan?!” Nino tried to escape from his hug but Sho was, of course, stronger than him.
“I am so glad to see this Nino again!” he said, Nino could feel how relieved and happy he actually sounded. Nino blushed a little and pushed Sho.
“Stop it, I have been here all the time,” he protested his words. Sho only smiled knowingly. “I hate this smart-ass smile of yours,” Nino grumbled.
“No, you don’t. And we both know it,” Sho said with a smirk on his face. “And for your information, I do have a girlfriend, actually she is waiting for me now.”
“And then, may I ask, why are you here, hugging your best friend instead of being with your girlfriend?” Nino shot back.
“I came to deliver you this,” He shuffled his back and soon took out the book which Jun wanted him to deliver. “A certain someone was really worried about you this morning and asked me to give this to you if you ever drop by. However, I am thinking that you will be busy for a while so I came to give it to you personally,” he explained knowingly.
Nino took the book from Sho’s hands, chuckling a little. “How did you know that I will be busy?”
Sho pointed his face with his forefinger. “I know that sparkle in your eyes. Let’s be glad to Matsumoto Jun for awakening your will again.”
Nino laughed. “Thank you, Sho The Wise,” he said sarcastically.
Sho laughed too. “Well then, I will leave you alone with your love letter, good luck!” He said before leaving and Nino waved behind him.
He closed the door and went back to his writing desk looking at The Watchmaker of Golden Realm, he was aware that this was Jun’s copy. Wait… If he gave his copy to Sho in the morning, then did he really memorize it all? Nino’s mouth fell open before he burst out laughing. “Oh, J,” he said while looking at the book’s gold and black cover. “I will give you something that you will absolutely love,” he said determinedly and opened to look for some kind of notes in it.
Of course, there it is, Nino thought proudly.
You may have problems in your life, Nino, but I am right here. Please, let me be your strength. I will wait for your call. Sincerely, Jun.
He looked at the small card and very neat handwriting of Jun, reading the note a couple of times. Jun was such a romantic man, even the thought of it somehow made him blush. The note made him realize one thing for certain, he liked Jun. He liked him more than he actually thought and maybe that was why he was feeling that guilty because of lying to him.
Nino had never need anyone in his life after he broke up with his first love. Because he was simply too scared to take that one step whenever someone showed his interest towards him. He never let anyone to his life. The difference about Jun was that; he forced his way to Nino’s life.
Strangely, Nino didn’t feel bad about it.
***
When the company tried to reason with him once again, they sent Kuranosuke-san. He let the old man inside this time, telling him that he will continue writing but he doesn’t want to work with him anymore. His only request from the company was to give him another editor, preferably Jun. Kuranosuke-san nodded understandingly.
“It was my fault after all,” the old man said before leaving. “I am sorry for making you write things that you don’t want, Ninomiya-kun,” he tried apologizing clumsily. Nino took a deep breath.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he said calmly. “I chose to comply with it, it was my own responsibility.”
Kuranosuke-san pressed his lips together and an uncomfortable silence fell between them. “Well then, good luck from now on, Ninomiya-kun,” he said finally before leaving his house.
He never saw Kuranosuke-san again.
***
Nino thought things were going well until he found out his new editor wasn’t Jun. He wanted to protest but his new editor, a very calm and rather sleepy-looking man who named as Ohno Satoshi, explained that he didn’t have any other choices to bear with him because the company was furious about this subject. He immediately feared for Jun’s job.
“Sasaki-san convinced everyone that he better stayed in the editing department. He is now editor-in-charge of a new author, a very promising one and we all believe Jun will help him find out his way in this world,” he explained Jun’s current situation. “He is doing his best,” Ohno said reassuringly. “So you should do your best too.”
Nino’s lips turned into a thin line as he seriously thought about it. “Alright,” he said determinedly. “Can I entrust you a note? For Jun,” he asked hesitantly.
The older man smiled. “Of course, sensei,” he said calmly. “I am here for you after all.”
Nino could already feel that he and Ohno would be good friends even if they end up not working together again.
***
Nino placed The Watchmaker of Golden Realm to his writing desk so that he could see it whenever he looked to it. It was, of course, Jun’s copy. He somehow wanted to feel the young man close to him. This book provided a very special connection between him and Nino.
He wrote and wrote, hardly ever stopping, as if he was seized by something. Ohno had to constantly remind him to eat or sleep but still, Nino didn’t really feel hungry or tired. The urge to write was strongest so far and Nino didn’t even want to resist to that urge.
It had been a while since he was excited to see his own story’s ending. His fingers over the keyboard were moving at the fastest pace they could handle. It was like the words were coming to him, flowing from his mind and forming shapes with meeting the letters. It was like a door has been unlocked and the more Nino wrote, the more he felt independent. He figured out how he actually loved writing and after losing it once, now Nino didn’t want to lose it again. All thanks to Jun. All thanks to his stubbornness.
Every time Nino thought about Jun, he couldn’t help but smile. He had missed him so much, but he decided that he won’t see him until he finished this book. For Jun, more than himself. It was a gift, only for Jun. He had written a letter for his first love in his first book, and he was writing a whole book for Jun. There was no doubt in it. Nino poured all emotions that he harbored for Jun into the book. Gratefulness, respect, guilt, sorrow, trust, and more than anything; love.
He wrote The Hunter only imaging Jun. Even if he didn’t include everything into The Hunter, he made sure that The Hunter was a savior for everyone in the Lost World. The Hunter saved everyone who had troubles with voicing certain words, just like Jun did for Nino.
Nino also loved to think about him whenever he wasn’t writing. He thought about his handsome face, his sweet smile, his broad shoulders, the way how his eyes shined when he talked about his passions, the way how he loved crab cream croquettes, his never-ending love towards mascot characters, how he blushed when Nino teased him. Every trivial thing about Jun made Nino happy.
And soon Nino finished the book.
***
When the first copy of The Word Hunter of Lost World delivered to Nino by Ohno, he was thrilled. Finally! Quickly he wrote a final note on the last page of the book and packed it together with The Watchmaker of Golden Realm and asked Ohno to give it to Jun.
That day, finally relieved from everything and pretty much overwhelmed by the tiredness, Nino fell asleep on the sofa in his living room. It had been a while since he slept like that: with a smile on his face, and feeling very successful.
***
Nino woke up with the furious doorbell. He groaned, tried to bury his head under the cushions but nothing worked as the doorbell continued to ring and ring. Feeling very irritated, he dragged himself towards the door, cursing the back pain which was caused by his own sofa. He opened the door, feeling very cranky. “Having you ring this door nonstop is really irritating, you know?” he said not even looking at to the face of his visitor.
“Having you fool me this whole time is more irritating, you know?” A cold voice, suddenly reached his ears, waking him up completely. It was Jun. Honestly, he didn’t really think what to do after this. He really didn’t know how his book would affect their relationship with Jun. He was expecting a furious Jun if he had to be honest. He had the right to be angry towards Nino. He also had the right to refuse to see him again. Nino did something awful, after all; therefore, he was ready to face the consequences. At least that was what he thought.
However, Jun was simply standing there not really affected by finally seeing Nino. He was probably too angry to be affected by it… Nino gulped down, lowered his head and mumbled weakly. “I am sorry.” He really did something horrible to Jun and his excuse wasn’t even made the situation better.
“You should be,” Jun said coldly. “Did you have fun watching me struggle? Did you have fun when I asked you for your help or some advice?” Jun’s voice was colder than Nino had actually expected. He couldn't say anything in return as the words stabbed his heart one by one. Hearing his confronting was harder than Nino had actually expected. “Say something,” Jun said coldly, slightly raising his voice. However, Nino still couldn’t utter a word to him. Then suddenly, he showed him The Watchmaker of Golden Realm and said: “Did you have fun when I was desperately searching for you?”
Nino looked up into Jun's eyes, surprised to find a very warm look in them despite his cold voice. His eyes were looking for some explanation from Nino, which encouraged him to speak. “I didn't,” he said truthfully. “But I couldn't bring myself to reveal my identity as 13, no matter what… You were so kind and I was just…” he inhaled deeply. “I have wanted to be Ninomiya Kazunari, not 13 for a very long time. And I honestly wanted to stop writing. That's when you came to look for 13 and in a way you found me…” Stubborn tears built up in Nino's eyes, but he blinked them back. He needed to speak now, he needed to tell him why he was hiding all the time. He needed to step forward and reveal his truest feeling to Jun, just like he did for Nino. It was the only way for Nino to finally let his own insecurities go. “I intended to not involve you but you were so stubborn and I ended up here, again…” he stopped and searched for more accurate words, why would words abandon him now?! When he needed to speak and tell him everything… He was simply loss of words! But before he could say anything, he felt Jun’s strong arms around himself. His eyes widened when the soft but refreshing scent of Jun’s cologne reached him. Soon Jun buried his face in Nino's messy hair, deeply breathing in his scent and he stroked his back up and down soothingly. Nino was frozen as he let Jun hug him. He was too surprised to register what was happening. A question popped into his mind: “Aren't you mad at me?”
Jun chuckled as soon as he heard him. “I am,” Nino could hear the sound of Jun’s heartbeat mixed with his words, “Oh, believe me, I am furious about the fact that you lied to me like this,” he pushed Nino back a little, just to be able to see his face. “But I love you way too much to walk away for something like this,” he said calmly and truthfully. Something like this? Nino wanted to ask but he was way too shocked by the fact that Jun referred how horrible Nino was in these past months as something like this. He had lied to him for this whole time, risked his job, dumped him, disappeared without saying anything. And everything was ‘something like this’? How?! Nino blinked a few times and Jun waited for his words to sink in. Suddenly the tears that Nino had blinked back returned stronger than before, realizing that Jun chose to forgive him, despite being angry. His lips started to tremble. “So you won't leave?” he asked with a weak voice.
Jun smiled and wiped his tears away with his thumb. How gentle his touch was… Nino immediately craved for more. “No,” Jun said firmly. “But I am still mad at you for making me live through hell these last months.”
Nino hugged him tightly. “I am sorry,” he said for the nth time.
Jun laughed. “Who are you and what have you done to cheeky Nino?” he said while trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere around them.
“You better appreciate this Nino while you have time, before the cheeky one comes back,” Nino grumbled not looking up from where he had buried his face. What a pleasant feeling, he thought.
Nino could feel the vibrations when he chuckled. “At least let me inside now, I have been ringing the bell way too long for you,” Jun said and Nino wanted nothing more than to let him inside. He walked backward not letting Jun break their hug. He had already nestled there and he honestly didn’t want to leave anytime soon. And Jun wasn't complaining about it either which was a fact that worked on Nino’s behalf.
Nino led him into the living room which could be described as nothing but a mess. He usually tidied his room but lately, he didn’t have time for it. Besides, no one but Nino, if you don’t count Ohno and Sho, come to his house so why bother? Though apparently, he should have been bothered by it, after all. “Sorry,” Nino mumbled shyly when he saw the shocked expression of Jun. “I don't usually have visitors except for Sho-chan.”
“Sho-chan?” Jun asked.
“The owner of the café, I sometimes help him and he gives me free coffee,” Nino explained.
“So you weren't really working there after all,” Jun heaved a sigh.
“I am sorry,” Nino apologized again.
“We should do something to make up for all those lies,” he said looking straightly at Nino.
“Like what?” Nino inquired.
“Like this,” Jun said before he sealed their lips with a heated kiss.
Both of them were out of breath when they separated. Jun is very skilled in kissing, Nino noted himself, much to his delight. “You have an interesting way of making things up,” Nino said sarcastically while trying to catch his breath.
“And I want to know something before we move this to the bedroom,” Jun said, ignoring Nino's words.
Nino stiffened as he heard Jun.
“First of all, this Sho-chan of yours? What about him?” he asked seriously.
Nino blinked with surprise. “What do you mean? He is just a friend,” he said. And Sho had a girlfriend if that was a necessary information?
Jun nodded calmly. “Alright, I will trust that it's not a lie,” he said firmly eyeing Nino.
“It's not, it's not!” Nino said hurriedly, trying to ensure him. Then he laughed a little. “Are you perhaps jealous?” He didn’t want to voice that he actually liked the idea of jealous Jun.
Jun narrowed his eyes but choose to ignore him. A cute pout was adorning his face and Nino had a hard time to refrain himself from kissing him again. “How have you been leaving your house while not being seen by the security guy?”
Nino shrugged. “Emergency stairs. They are on the opposite side so the security guy wouldn't possibly know.”
Jun signed exhaustedly. “I can't believe how you fooled me,” he groaned. Then he took a deep breath to ask his last question. “And finally, what does 13 mean?”
Nino smirked. This wasn’t the first time someone asked the meaning of 13. He knew a lot of people were trying to decipher that name and he was really proud of himself for that pen name. He had spent his days and nights until he found it so there was no way he would give it up that quickly. But maybe, most probably definitely, Jun would be the one who will discover his name and the meaning behind 13. Just like he had discovered the lost words of Nino. So he thought, it wouldn’t do any harm to give him a hint: “It's a secret,” he said before pulling Jun closer and trapping him inside a heated kiss. This was only beginning of their story. Nino believed that as long as he had Jun in his life, he would be able to write more novels and create a lot of worlds. Hopefully, with Jun in it.
-FIN-
A/N: This was a really surprise. I didn't expected this side story to came to me this quickly but I am happy that I got to write a Nino part of this story. Hope you enjoy it as well!