mikunicchi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mikunicchi) wrote2018-06-28 04:58 pm
mikunicchi) wrote2018-06-28 04:58 pm
Entry tags:
[Fanfic] a created heart [09 / 12]
Title: a created heart
Pairing: Yama
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Fantasy, au, angts (kind of) magic, romance
Chaptered
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own anything about Arashi. Only the plot is mine.
Summary: Is a monster with a created mind and heart was allowed to love a human? The monster knew it was impossible however the first moment he saw Sakurai Sho in that forest, he had no other choice to fall for his beautiful eyes.
As for Sho; his first encounter with him was a pure coincidence and falling for him was beyond his control.
A/N: Comments are very very welcomed! English is not my native language so I apologize for my mistakes in advance! I am deeply sorry! m(_ _)m
The monster waited for Sho. He continued to visit the place where he met the little boy, who light up his whole being, who gave a name to him, who gave a purpose of living to him. He looked behind the little boy who already left with his friends a long time ago. He was yearning behind the little boy. His tears left his eyes silently, with desperation countless times.
If he were to be a human, would he be able to go after him? Would he be allowed to stop Sho and hold him in his arms like he desired? Would he be able to stay as Satoshi, not just a monster? Two weeks had changed the monster so much. However, he became aware of that just when he lost Sho. For the first time in his life, the monster felt hatred towards his existence. For the first time in his whole life, he cursed The Witch for creating him. And that time, the monster wanted to become human more than any other times.
***
A month has passed and Satoshi was still living in Sho’s apartment. Strangely, it didn’t feel weird or unpleasant to him at all. He was a good companion who eased Sho whenever he felt stressed. After the fire, their company got a deceitful amount of money from the insurance which helped him to recover his business a bit. His clients who mostly reacted kindly, kept their contracts with his company while Sho tried his best to start business again as soon as possible.
The cause of the fire was still pretty much unknown but Sho had a feeling that somehow Jun and Nino knew about it.
The thing is… Sho wasn’t an idiot. He was perfectly aware that something was definitely wrong and somehow Nino and Jun were in it, together with Satoshi.
The questions in Sho’s mind kept their places but he continued to procrastinate on them. For example; why did Satoshi appeared out of nowhere? How did Satoshi manage to appear everytime he was in a serious pinch? How did he manage to stop that big dead tree with only one hand back then? Why did he never aged from that time? Why did Satoshi look that distant whenever he thought that Sho was not looking? A lot of whys and hows were filling his mind like there’s no escape from them. Something was off. Something big… But he didn’t have the courage to ask that to anyone. Especially when he couldn’t shake that feeling that kept his mouth shut: the fear of losing Satoshi when he learned all of those answers.
But for now, they were together. They were fine.
***
Sho woke up on his bed, not even remembering when he went to bed… Or more likely, did he ever made it to bed? He rubbed his eyes. He was tucked safely in the blanket, feeling warm and comfortable. Honestly, he didn’t want to leave his bed if it wasn’t for his stomach which was grumbling wildly at that moment.
Sho groaned, torn between the relaxing feeling that his bed provided him and irritating urge of his stomach. It loudly growled again, when Sho smelled something delicious. Food! Sho thought happily. That was probably the only thing that could give him the strength to leave his bed. He dragged his tired body to the kitchen and smiled when he saw Satoshi shuffling around the kitchen with a serious expression on his face.
“Good morning,” Sho said as he sat behind the corner.
Satoshi looked at him, smiling peacefully. “Good morning.”
“Did I fell asleep on the desk again?” Sho asked, even though he knew the answer perfectly.
Satoshi nodded. “I guess you like sleeping on your desk more than your bed…”
Sho laughed. “Not at all.”
Satoshi chuckled. “It’s okay. I will be here to take you to bed whenever you fell asleep on the desk.” Sho felt the burning sensation creeping up to his face while he averted his gaze as he tried to find something to say. Just at that moment, Satoshi placed a bowl of rice and miso soup in front of him. “And I bet you are hungry,” he said while sitting in front of him.
Sho blinked. “You know me so well,” he chuckled before starting to eat the soup and rice.
Satoshi laughed and Sho couldn’t help but look at him. His laugh had a strange effect on him which wasn’t unpleasant at all. “It’s not that hard to figure you out, Sho-kun,” Satoshi said. “Your eyes reflect what you think, almost always.”
“Really?” Sho asked while he continued to munch over the rice. Satoshi nodded. His eyes continued to look at Sho fondly as he continued to eat. “This is delicious,” Sho mumbled. “Is there anything you can’t do?” he asked jokingly.
“A lot,” Satoshi answered. “I am just good at imitating humans.”
Sho gulped. It was that kind of answers that made him feel uneasy about something. He didn’t know what was it but that something was very disturbing Sho. “But you are also human, right?” Sho asked cautiously.
Satoshi chuckled. “Right,” he answered.
Sho frowned. He hated that lonesome look in Satoshi’s eyes. “Satoshi, I wanted to ask you some-” he started but Satoshi cut him off.
“Don’t you have a meeting at ten? You won’t make it if you don’t start moving now,” Satoshi said calmly.
“Damn! I totally forgot!” Sho said before stuffing the remaining rice to his mouth. He got up quickly, rushed towards his bedroom, changing quickly and leaving the house with a lot of questions in his mind. But this time, he was determined to ask those to Satoshi when he gets back home.
***
The door of his house was open when Sho came back in evening. Thief?! He thought with a frown. His breath accelerated as he held out his briefcase in front of him as a weapon and he walked inside as silent as possible, trying to catch a thief on the job. However, he felt relieved when he heard Jun and Nino’s voice coming from his living room. He exhaled deeply. It would be too ridiculous. A burglary after a fire? Seriously, what kind of luck would that be?!
However, his hands stopped when he heard a certain sentence from Jun. “It doesn’t matter if you are immortal or not, Satoshi,” he was whispering. “The Witch can erase you in a minute!”
“J is right,” Sho heard Nino approving Jun. “I mean okay, you are an immortal monster but those injuries still haven’t healed.”
Injuries? A month? The Witch? Monster? An immortal… monster?
“It won’t heal,” Sho stirred in his place when he heard Satoshi’s soft voice. “I am grateful to you for trying to heal me but… Those flames were meant for destruction. They won’t heal completely.”
“Are you serious?!” Sho could hear Jun’s anger from his voice. “Isn’t there anything we can do at all?”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Nino interrupted them. “My magical knowledge doesn’t go beyond Harry Potter guys, but those flames were The Witch’s magic, right? Then she should be able to heal Satoshi.”
“Although it is possible in theory, do you really think The Witch would heal Satoshi?” Jun asked seriously.
“But she is the one who created him!” Nino protested. “Would she really abandon him like this?!”
“She already abandoned me,” Satoshi whispered.
“I will find a way to save you, Satoshi,” Jun promised. “Just wait a bit longer!”
Satoshi chuckled. “You won’t be able to, Jun-kun,” he started. “And it doesn’t matter anymore, right, Sho?”
Sho stirred on his place when the door opened revealing Satoshi who was wearing a blue unbuttoned shirt. Jun and Nino were looking shocked when they saw him.
“What does this mean?!” Sho asked, taking a step inside the room. “The Witch?! Flames?! A monster!?” Sho looked at Satoshi terrified by the sudden information revealed to him.
Suddenly, everything made sense in a weird way for Sho. The reason why Satoshi never aged, why he was that strong, why he sounded as if he is not a human… Because he wasn’t one in the first place. “Explain!” Sho demanded as he continued to look at Satoshi’s eyes.
“It’s just as you heard,” Satoshi said. “I am not a human.”
“Satoshi! Sho-san, that’s not-” Jun tried to cut in but Satoshi stopped him.
“Trying to lighten it won’t help,” Satoshi said calmly. Then he turned to look at Sho again. “Sho-kun, I am not a human. I am a monster, created by The Witch, who hate humans,” he continued calmly. “I am a monster,” he repeated.
Sho took a step back, placing a small distance between him and Satoshi. He is not a human…. A monster? His ears started to buzz. This didn’t make any sense while it did make sense perfectly. He was the one who gave the name to Satoshi… But it wasn’t Satoshi…
“Jun-kun, Nino, can you leave us alone for a moment?” Satoshi asked to them. Sho tensed up. What was he planning to do?
Jun and Nino wanted to protest but the look on Satoshi’s face didn’t leave any place for argument. “We are waiting outside,” Jun said reassuringly. He was worried about Satoshi more than Sho because he was sure that once Sho recovered from the initial shock, he would be accepted Satoshi. It was so obvious that Sho loved Satoshi and Jun wanted to believe that love was the key to everything.
When the door closed behind Jun, Satoshi looked at Sho with mixed emotions. Sho was a few meters away from him, tense and scared and mostly shocked. He couldn’t blame Sho. Satoshi knew that Sho was slightly aware that something was off about Satoshi. He was smart, after all. But that didn’t mean that he could accept Satoshi, a monster which is created to hate humanity and cause disasters. Satoshi knew that, hoping that Sho would accept a monster like him would be too optimistic. But if this was their last encounter; if this would be the last time he sees Sho, he wanted to tell him everything.
Satoshi took a deep breath, before starting to tell Sho everything. “Would you allow me to tell you a story?”
Sho flinched when he heard Satoshi’s voice softer than any other times… almost broken… Sho nodded reluctantly. Satoshi smiled. “This story belongs to ancient times,” he started. “I don’t know how many centuries have passed but this story belongs to a time where there weren’t a lot of people in this world. The Witch was the very first person who possessed magic in her blood,” Satoshi chuckled and nodded. “Yes, she was also a human. But she was a human who was refused by her own kind. Can you imagine how lonely she felt? How helpless despite all the power she had possessed? I can,” Satoshi continued. “And then, she decided to end her lonely days by creating a monster,” Satoshi smiled a little while looking at Sho. “Yes, that monster is me,” he said and he let a few seconds of silence fell so that everything would sink in. “I don’t know why she created me anymore. Once I had a purpose of living, it was only for her. I was created by her and for her. But now, I don’t know if I have a purpose of living at all. All I know that I was the only one who accepted her and she was the first one who had refused me. She hated humans. She hated those who had refused her with all her might. That’s why I don’t have a name, that’s why I shouldn’t be feeling anything,” Satoshi’s lips trembled. “But I keep failing.”
Sho gasped. Satoshi took another deep breath before continuing. “I keep failing whenever I see you,” he whispered. He took a hesitant step to close the distance between him and Sho. He took another step when he saw that Sho wasn’t running away. Then another, following another one until he stood in front of Sho. He held out his hand to touch Sho’s cheeks. Sho trembled under his touch but didn’t back away or shook Satoshi’s hand.
“You remind me of my creator,” the monster whispered while tracing a line from Sho’s lips to his neck. His touch was steady yet Sho could feel his hesitation through his skin. “You are like her, the more I go further the more I feel lost in you. But you are also different from my creator,” the monster stopped his hand above Sho’s heart. “You have something here, that draws me to you… Something that makes me feel like a human…” Then all of a sudden, the monster drew his hand away from Sho. His face contorted with pain. Sho felt his heart ache for the monster. “You remind me of her, yet you feel different… But in the end, I am just a monster, and you are a human,” the small broken smile on the monster’s face was too much for Sho bear. He wanted to reach out his hand and touch Satoshi, call his name, tell him that he is more than a human but he was out of his reach.
The monster took a step towards Sho and let him touch himself as if he could understand Sho’s complicated feelings. As if, he was ready to abandon himself if that was what Sho wanted. The monster also reached out his hand, touching Sho’s wet cheeks, feeling those hot tears with his slender finger. “Don't cry,” the monster whispered again. His voice also trembled. “We can't be together, but for the first time, you made me feel like I was a human, deeply in love with you… I will never forget the shape of your lips when they called my name, I will cherish every single touch that I have received from you, and I will continue to love you with my created mind and heart because I now know that I am only created for you, because of you, for the purpose of loving you,” were the last words of the monster. Sho threw his arms to trap him inside a hug, however, the only thing he could catch was the thin air before him. He hugged himself falling to his knees and crying his heart out. His name was the only thing Sho could utter between his sobs.
A/N: It has been two months!?!?!? OMG, I didn't even notice that I haven't uploaded this THAT longer........ I deserve every punishment you got for me. I am sorry T-T But if I am lucky, I will finish it in a month (I know you have no faith in me but let's hope for the best haha) Yes, the story will end soon! Two chapters and one epilogue probably! Let's see what will happen!
Pairing: Yama
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Fantasy, au, angts (kind of) magic, romance
Chaptered
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own anything about Arashi. Only the plot is mine.
Summary: Is a monster with a created mind and heart was allowed to love a human? The monster knew it was impossible however the first moment he saw Sakurai Sho in that forest, he had no other choice to fall for his beautiful eyes.
As for Sho; his first encounter with him was a pure coincidence and falling for him was beyond his control.
A/N: Comments are very very welcomed! English is not my native language so I apologize for my mistakes in advance! I am deeply sorry! m(_ _)m
The monster waited for Sho. He continued to visit the place where he met the little boy, who light up his whole being, who gave a name to him, who gave a purpose of living to him. He looked behind the little boy who already left with his friends a long time ago. He was yearning behind the little boy. His tears left his eyes silently, with desperation countless times.
If he were to be a human, would he be able to go after him? Would he be allowed to stop Sho and hold him in his arms like he desired? Would he be able to stay as Satoshi, not just a monster? Two weeks had changed the monster so much. However, he became aware of that just when he lost Sho. For the first time in his life, the monster felt hatred towards his existence. For the first time in his whole life, he cursed The Witch for creating him. And that time, the monster wanted to become human more than any other times.
***
A month has passed and Satoshi was still living in Sho’s apartment. Strangely, it didn’t feel weird or unpleasant to him at all. He was a good companion who eased Sho whenever he felt stressed. After the fire, their company got a deceitful amount of money from the insurance which helped him to recover his business a bit. His clients who mostly reacted kindly, kept their contracts with his company while Sho tried his best to start business again as soon as possible.
The cause of the fire was still pretty much unknown but Sho had a feeling that somehow Jun and Nino knew about it.
The thing is… Sho wasn’t an idiot. He was perfectly aware that something was definitely wrong and somehow Nino and Jun were in it, together with Satoshi.
The questions in Sho’s mind kept their places but he continued to procrastinate on them. For example; why did Satoshi appeared out of nowhere? How did Satoshi manage to appear everytime he was in a serious pinch? How did he manage to stop that big dead tree with only one hand back then? Why did he never aged from that time? Why did Satoshi look that distant whenever he thought that Sho was not looking? A lot of whys and hows were filling his mind like there’s no escape from them. Something was off. Something big… But he didn’t have the courage to ask that to anyone. Especially when he couldn’t shake that feeling that kept his mouth shut: the fear of losing Satoshi when he learned all of those answers.
But for now, they were together. They were fine.
***
Sho woke up on his bed, not even remembering when he went to bed… Or more likely, did he ever made it to bed? He rubbed his eyes. He was tucked safely in the blanket, feeling warm and comfortable. Honestly, he didn’t want to leave his bed if it wasn’t for his stomach which was grumbling wildly at that moment.
Sho groaned, torn between the relaxing feeling that his bed provided him and irritating urge of his stomach. It loudly growled again, when Sho smelled something delicious. Food! Sho thought happily. That was probably the only thing that could give him the strength to leave his bed. He dragged his tired body to the kitchen and smiled when he saw Satoshi shuffling around the kitchen with a serious expression on his face.
“Good morning,” Sho said as he sat behind the corner.
Satoshi looked at him, smiling peacefully. “Good morning.”
“Did I fell asleep on the desk again?” Sho asked, even though he knew the answer perfectly.
Satoshi nodded. “I guess you like sleeping on your desk more than your bed…”
Sho laughed. “Not at all.”
Satoshi chuckled. “It’s okay. I will be here to take you to bed whenever you fell asleep on the desk.” Sho felt the burning sensation creeping up to his face while he averted his gaze as he tried to find something to say. Just at that moment, Satoshi placed a bowl of rice and miso soup in front of him. “And I bet you are hungry,” he said while sitting in front of him.
Sho blinked. “You know me so well,” he chuckled before starting to eat the soup and rice.
Satoshi laughed and Sho couldn’t help but look at him. His laugh had a strange effect on him which wasn’t unpleasant at all. “It’s not that hard to figure you out, Sho-kun,” Satoshi said. “Your eyes reflect what you think, almost always.”
“Really?” Sho asked while he continued to munch over the rice. Satoshi nodded. His eyes continued to look at Sho fondly as he continued to eat. “This is delicious,” Sho mumbled. “Is there anything you can’t do?” he asked jokingly.
“A lot,” Satoshi answered. “I am just good at imitating humans.”
Sho gulped. It was that kind of answers that made him feel uneasy about something. He didn’t know what was it but that something was very disturbing Sho. “But you are also human, right?” Sho asked cautiously.
Satoshi chuckled. “Right,” he answered.
Sho frowned. He hated that lonesome look in Satoshi’s eyes. “Satoshi, I wanted to ask you some-” he started but Satoshi cut him off.
“Don’t you have a meeting at ten? You won’t make it if you don’t start moving now,” Satoshi said calmly.
“Damn! I totally forgot!” Sho said before stuffing the remaining rice to his mouth. He got up quickly, rushed towards his bedroom, changing quickly and leaving the house with a lot of questions in his mind. But this time, he was determined to ask those to Satoshi when he gets back home.
***
The door of his house was open when Sho came back in evening. Thief?! He thought with a frown. His breath accelerated as he held out his briefcase in front of him as a weapon and he walked inside as silent as possible, trying to catch a thief on the job. However, he felt relieved when he heard Jun and Nino’s voice coming from his living room. He exhaled deeply. It would be too ridiculous. A burglary after a fire? Seriously, what kind of luck would that be?!
However, his hands stopped when he heard a certain sentence from Jun. “It doesn’t matter if you are immortal or not, Satoshi,” he was whispering. “The Witch can erase you in a minute!”
“J is right,” Sho heard Nino approving Jun. “I mean okay, you are an immortal monster but those injuries still haven’t healed.”
Injuries? A month? The Witch? Monster? An immortal… monster?
“It won’t heal,” Sho stirred in his place when he heard Satoshi’s soft voice. “I am grateful to you for trying to heal me but… Those flames were meant for destruction. They won’t heal completely.”
“Are you serious?!” Sho could hear Jun’s anger from his voice. “Isn’t there anything we can do at all?”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Nino interrupted them. “My magical knowledge doesn’t go beyond Harry Potter guys, but those flames were The Witch’s magic, right? Then she should be able to heal Satoshi.”
“Although it is possible in theory, do you really think The Witch would heal Satoshi?” Jun asked seriously.
“But she is the one who created him!” Nino protested. “Would she really abandon him like this?!”
“She already abandoned me,” Satoshi whispered.
“I will find a way to save you, Satoshi,” Jun promised. “Just wait a bit longer!”
Satoshi chuckled. “You won’t be able to, Jun-kun,” he started. “And it doesn’t matter anymore, right, Sho?”
Sho stirred on his place when the door opened revealing Satoshi who was wearing a blue unbuttoned shirt. Jun and Nino were looking shocked when they saw him.
“What does this mean?!” Sho asked, taking a step inside the room. “The Witch?! Flames?! A monster!?” Sho looked at Satoshi terrified by the sudden information revealed to him.
Suddenly, everything made sense in a weird way for Sho. The reason why Satoshi never aged, why he was that strong, why he sounded as if he is not a human… Because he wasn’t one in the first place. “Explain!” Sho demanded as he continued to look at Satoshi’s eyes.
“It’s just as you heard,” Satoshi said. “I am not a human.”
“Satoshi! Sho-san, that’s not-” Jun tried to cut in but Satoshi stopped him.
“Trying to lighten it won’t help,” Satoshi said calmly. Then he turned to look at Sho again. “Sho-kun, I am not a human. I am a monster, created by The Witch, who hate humans,” he continued calmly. “I am a monster,” he repeated.
Sho took a step back, placing a small distance between him and Satoshi. He is not a human…. A monster? His ears started to buzz. This didn’t make any sense while it did make sense perfectly. He was the one who gave the name to Satoshi… But it wasn’t Satoshi…
“Jun-kun, Nino, can you leave us alone for a moment?” Satoshi asked to them. Sho tensed up. What was he planning to do?
Jun and Nino wanted to protest but the look on Satoshi’s face didn’t leave any place for argument. “We are waiting outside,” Jun said reassuringly. He was worried about Satoshi more than Sho because he was sure that once Sho recovered from the initial shock, he would be accepted Satoshi. It was so obvious that Sho loved Satoshi and Jun wanted to believe that love was the key to everything.
When the door closed behind Jun, Satoshi looked at Sho with mixed emotions. Sho was a few meters away from him, tense and scared and mostly shocked. He couldn’t blame Sho. Satoshi knew that Sho was slightly aware that something was off about Satoshi. He was smart, after all. But that didn’t mean that he could accept Satoshi, a monster which is created to hate humanity and cause disasters. Satoshi knew that, hoping that Sho would accept a monster like him would be too optimistic. But if this was their last encounter; if this would be the last time he sees Sho, he wanted to tell him everything.
Satoshi took a deep breath, before starting to tell Sho everything. “Would you allow me to tell you a story?”
Sho flinched when he heard Satoshi’s voice softer than any other times… almost broken… Sho nodded reluctantly. Satoshi smiled. “This story belongs to ancient times,” he started. “I don’t know how many centuries have passed but this story belongs to a time where there weren’t a lot of people in this world. The Witch was the very first person who possessed magic in her blood,” Satoshi chuckled and nodded. “Yes, she was also a human. But she was a human who was refused by her own kind. Can you imagine how lonely she felt? How helpless despite all the power she had possessed? I can,” Satoshi continued. “And then, she decided to end her lonely days by creating a monster,” Satoshi smiled a little while looking at Sho. “Yes, that monster is me,” he said and he let a few seconds of silence fell so that everything would sink in. “I don’t know why she created me anymore. Once I had a purpose of living, it was only for her. I was created by her and for her. But now, I don’t know if I have a purpose of living at all. All I know that I was the only one who accepted her and she was the first one who had refused me. She hated humans. She hated those who had refused her with all her might. That’s why I don’t have a name, that’s why I shouldn’t be feeling anything,” Satoshi’s lips trembled. “But I keep failing.”
Sho gasped. Satoshi took another deep breath before continuing. “I keep failing whenever I see you,” he whispered. He took a hesitant step to close the distance between him and Sho. He took another step when he saw that Sho wasn’t running away. Then another, following another one until he stood in front of Sho. He held out his hand to touch Sho’s cheeks. Sho trembled under his touch but didn’t back away or shook Satoshi’s hand.
“You remind me of my creator,” the monster whispered while tracing a line from Sho’s lips to his neck. His touch was steady yet Sho could feel his hesitation through his skin. “You are like her, the more I go further the more I feel lost in you. But you are also different from my creator,” the monster stopped his hand above Sho’s heart. “You have something here, that draws me to you… Something that makes me feel like a human…” Then all of a sudden, the monster drew his hand away from Sho. His face contorted with pain. Sho felt his heart ache for the monster. “You remind me of her, yet you feel different… But in the end, I am just a monster, and you are a human,” the small broken smile on the monster’s face was too much for Sho bear. He wanted to reach out his hand and touch Satoshi, call his name, tell him that he is more than a human but he was out of his reach.
The monster took a step towards Sho and let him touch himself as if he could understand Sho’s complicated feelings. As if, he was ready to abandon himself if that was what Sho wanted. The monster also reached out his hand, touching Sho’s wet cheeks, feeling those hot tears with his slender finger. “Don't cry,” the monster whispered again. His voice also trembled. “We can't be together, but for the first time, you made me feel like I was a human, deeply in love with you… I will never forget the shape of your lips when they called my name, I will cherish every single touch that I have received from you, and I will continue to love you with my created mind and heart because I now know that I am only created for you, because of you, for the purpose of loving you,” were the last words of the monster. Sho threw his arms to trap him inside a hug, however, the only thing he could catch was the thin air before him. He hugged himself falling to his knees and crying his heart out. His name was the only thing Sho could utter between his sobs.
A/N: It has been two months!?!?!? OMG, I didn't even notice that I haven't uploaded this THAT longer........ I deserve every punishment you got for me. I am sorry T-T But if I am lucky, I will finish it in a month (I know you have no faith in me but let's hope for the best haha) Yes, the story will end soon! Two chapters and one epilogue probably! Let's see what will happen!