Hi~ I read the chapters of this fic and I just wanted to say my opinion about it. The plot is good but it all depends on how you will develop this idea, I think you have a great imagination and inspiration so I'm expecting a good fic ^^. The only 'errors' that I found are related to the english but everyone has them don't worry, not everyone is a native english speaker after all (I'm not one too and I make errors for sure when writing so I feel you). But it's something that it can be overcome with the practice so you just have to write more and more.
Regarding the characters: everyone is interesting but we are still at the beginning so I can't say much. Let's see how you will build their personalities and stories. You are on the good way *thumbs up*

Ganbatte ne~ Oh and if you were wondering, even though I doubt it, you can call me Yuuki ^^