[Fanfic] Metronome
Jul. 8th, 2018 03:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mikunicchiTitle: Metronome
Pairing: Sakurai Sho x Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: Mature
Summary: When Nino left Sho, he thought he was surviving. However, the hollow that stood in his chest, never left its place after he left.
Warnings: Lots of lots of angst with a happy ending. Also my English... I needed this out of my system so badly.
Inspired by Yonezu Kenshi - Metronome / (lyrics here) /so the story contains a lot of similar lines with the song itself.
metronome; a device used by musicians that marks time at a selected rate by giving a regular tick.
Comments are welcomed as always.
A bunch of thanks to my dear Bunny whom I was able to finish this for.
Sho put his earphones on when he finally left the studio, wanting to erase the silence. It was already three in the morning. The silent studio, the silent street and chilly spring night made him feel trapped with the feeling of emptiness. He walked down the never changing street which he walked for more than half of his life. Every step was familiar and every step had been memorized perfectly, taking him to his very empty house.
Five years, Sho thought as the melancholic melody of the piano filled the background of his thoughts. It has been five years and he was still thinking about Nino, every night, torturously. Five years and still, Sho was yearning for his warmth, for his presence, for his smile… Five years, since he last saw him… Five years, since he last felt complete. It had been five years and ever since Sho’s heart hasn’t been beating like it used to.
Five years since I last saw you, and it’s still not easy.
***
Sakurai Sho and Ninomiya Kazunari met when they were both in university. Sadly, it wasn't a same school type of romance since Sho was attending a private one while Nino was in a public university. But they always shared the same street, until their infamous corner which broke them apart until the next morning.
On their first encounter, Nino was standing on the way with his huge and very worn out yellow headphones. Sho remembered that he was actually angry because he was standing in the way, in other words, he was a bother to other people.
Sho breathed steadily that day, not wanting to argue with a stranger, he just threw him an annoyed glance and walked away. However, when he finished his day and walked his way down to his single roomed apartment, Nino was there again, exactly in the same position. He remembered that he was quite confused by Nino's strange behavior, making him forget his anger and approach him to ask if anything was wrong with him so that he can help.
But Nino smiled widely to him, thanked him for asking and walked away as if he won a competition.
Even now, Sho remembered perfectly that he couldn't sleep on that night. What was the meaning of that?
Good for him, Nino was there to answer his questions next day.
“You were the only one who noticed me there,” Nino said, smiling widely. “I was thinking about it, if I stood here, would anyone even think about it?”
Sho frowned. “Ridiculous,” he answered curtly. “You were blocking the way. Find something more interesting and useful to do than blocking the way.”
However, as strange as it seemed, Nino waved him off. “This must mean something,” he said with a smirk on his face. “I think we were meant to meet.”
“Nonsense,” Sho answered coldly. Why was he even had to accompany all this idiocy? So he walked away again.
He was surprised to find Nino at the same place over and over again after their strange first encounter. In the beginning, Sho was annoyed by his stubborn behavior but from some point, Nino managed to find a place in his heart while avoiding his cold, hard and strict personality.
Nino was weird. And impossible to predict… Sho felt himself being enchanted by this short, adorable, weird, clever guy slowly but surely. Honestly, he had no idea how Nino made his way through his cranky and very short tempered nature to his heart but when he realized it, Nino was already there. As if he was meant to be there.
And in the depths of his heart, Sho was sure that Nino would always keep that place in his heart.
***
Sho threw his rucksack to the corner of the room, took off his parka and draped it over the couch unceremoniously. He kicked the things that were on his way and made his way to his usual corner which became like a temple to him over this five years. He looked at the two metronomes that Nino left behind; one black and one red. They were too familiar since the black one was Nino’s and the red one was presented by Nino to him. However, both of them were set in different beats. Nino set them in different beats before he left.
I am a coward, he thought as he couldn't reach his hand to touch them. I am a coward and an idiot, he thought mournfully. He buried his head in his hands, letting out a frustrated sigh. He then took the closest paper and pen to his hand and wrote down a single line:
No matter what I do, no matter what day, no matter where I am, no matter where you are, I am still searching for you
Sho usually liked to be right. Some of his colleagues when he was working in the sales department even called him Mr. Right, however this time, he hated to be right about one thing: that even after all those years, Nino never lost his place in Sho's heart.
He wished that he were braver. In that case, would he be able to stop Nino from leaving? Would he be able to catch his wrist and hold him there with him?
Sho laughed bitterly. Those ‘what ifs’ were driving him crazy day by day and he had no idea how he managed to came to that day. He fell back against the pile of papers, watching the ceiling. His earphones were still placed on his ears however the song stopped playing a while ago. He sighed, taking off the earphones, he threw them aside with his phone. It was time to sleep, Sho thought mechanically as he stood up and walked to his bed, marking the end of his day.
A dreamless sleep was waiting for him. If he was lucky enough, he could have a nice dream with Nino in it, smiling to him like he used to. He wanted to hope that tonight will be the night that Nino would come and visit in his dreams. However, he was perfectly aware that he was hoping futilely.
***
He was dreaming. Sho was sure of it when he saw Nino in front of him, with a thoughtful expression on his face, sitting next to the dream Sho.
“I want to make music!” Nino was saying to him. Sho remembered that time perfectly. It was after some time when they have become friends.
“Hmm…” The dream Sho replied to him, not quite interested. He was busy with his own stuff.
“And I want to make the best selling!” Nino continued.
“Hmm…” Sho replied again, focusing on his papers, reviewing the results of his calculations. There was an unnatural buzzing sound in the background which Sho desperately wanted to ignore for the sake of continuation of this dream.
“And I want to grow a giant tomato so that I can swim in it,” Nino added casually.
“Hmm… eh? What? Tomato?” Sho raised his head from his papers, blinking with surprise.
Nino rolled his eyes. “You weren’t paying attention to me,” He accused Sho.
“I was!” Sho protested. “You want to make best selling music,” he said calmly.
“Then why are you not saying anything?”
Now, it was Sho’s turn to roll his eyes. “Because I don’t know how this is related with me?” The buzzing sound somehow got louder and louder while Sho tried his best to focus on the dream, in order to stay with Nino a bit more.
Nino nodded. “Certainly,” he said. “Let’s make it together, Sho-chan!”
And Sho’s phone which was ringing furiously this whole time managed to interrupt the dream, forcing him to slip out of his very pleasant sleep. Why, he thought while his consciousness returned him. His breath labored and he wiped a single tear trying to escape from his eyes.
His phone was continuing to ring and he decided to answer it, forcing himself off the bed towards his messy living room. He followed the default melody of iPhone and find his phone lying over the papers.
“Yes?” He answered tiredly.
“You finally answered!” Aiba Masaki almost screamed through the line making Sho jump on his place.
“What?”
“I called you for seven times already!” Aiba complained, though his voice wasn’t angry.
“Sorry, yesterday I came home very late,” Sho mumbled.
“Busy as always,” Aiba sighed. Sho could hear the bitterness in his voice over the line. He was the best friend of Nino after all, Sho thought. Aiba probably knew everything… They hadn’t been meeting regularly after Nino left but still, Aiba tried his best not to blame Sho for Nino’s departure. “Well whatever,” Aiba continued. “I was going to invite you somewhere.”
“To where?” Sho asked curiously.
“To a welcome party,” Aiba said, confusing Sho more but before he could ask about it, Aiba dropped the bomb. “It's Nino’s.”
Sho couldn’t say anything as he opened his mouth just to close it again. His throat went dry. Is he back? was the only thought that occupied his mind.
“Sho-chan? Are you still there?”
“Yes,” Sho managed to mumble.
“He is coming back,” Aiba said once again. “Today, we are having a party for him in The Strings hotel.”
“Aiba-” he started but Aiba cut him off.
“I know! And he knows that I will be inviting you. Come on Sho! He hasn’t been in Japan for five years already and he has been alone there for all those time!”
“But-”
“You are busy, I know that already! Just once, do something for Nino!” Aiba said pleadingly. Sho tried to take a deep breath.
“The Strings Hotel, right?” He said, trying his best to keep his voice from trembling. “I will be there.”
“You- what? Really?” Aiba sounded genuinely surprised.
“Yes. I will be there,” he said once again. “I have to go now,” he said and before waiting for Aiba’s reply he hung up.
Suddenly he felt all of his strength leaving his body as he sunk to the floor, to his knees. He buried his head in his hands, taking deep breaths. He is back, he thought. But wasn’t it already too late for everything? However, Sho was willing to sell his soul to Satan if he could see Nino for one more time. He was selfish, he was an idiot, he was a bastard but he loved Nino with all his might.
He tried to swallow the accumulated emotions on his throat as he recalled what had happened five years ago.
***
When Nino said that he wanted to make music, he was dead serious about it. Though, it didn't surprise Sho. He had never mocked Nino’s ambitions or he never discouraged him about it. However, he himself never had any desire to create music. As a twenty years old boy, he was only thinking about how to live through his one day, so of course, he refused Nino’s proposal about it.
Yet, Nino was stubborn and he was clever. Which was not a good combination for poor Sho especially after Nino learned that he was able to play piano pretty well. Sho tried his best to convince him that he only learned piano because his parents were already planned it for him in advance even before his birth.
Sho’s parents were those kinds of parents where they planned every single step for their child. He would be taking over his father’s company, and marry the girl that his parents choose at the age of thirty. He would be having two children, preferably twins, one will be a boy and the other one will be a girl, at the age of thirty-one. He would be retiring at the age of sixty-five when his son would take over the company. Every part of his life was planned in advance for him. And piano was only one of those tiny details, thus Sho never actually gave many thoughts to playing the piano.
The part that neither his parents nor Sho himself had predicted was that; Nino knew how to get what he wanted very well. That’s why when Nino asked him to write lyrics for the song that he composed for the nth time, Sho eventually had to give in.
He did his best for the song though. Nino was his friend and he deserved his full attention for something he really cherished. He had no idea how to write a song that time but strangely, it felt right. It felt just right.
When he showed his lyrics to Nino, he was full of anxiety but Nino smiled at him. His eyes sparkled with joy and Sho’s heart skipped a beat to the sight of that beautiful scene. Sho didn’t exactly know how or when he started to fall for Nino but he was certain that he was falling hard and deep.
The first time Nino sung the song that Sho wrote, Sho didn’t have any reasons to deny that he was deeply in love with Nino. They kissed on that very same day. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, almost too good to be true. From that day, Nino became his Kazu and Sho wanted to write more songs, just for him. And he did. Keeping this new passion as a secret from his parents, he cut from his own sleep to adorn those beautiful melodies that created by Nino with his own words.
Nino also loved him, Sho was certain of that. He never questioned neither his own feelings nor Nino’s. In their case, love was never the problem. They both loved each other, maybe, just maybe, that was the reason why both of them suffered this much.
***
After their graduation, Sho tried his best to convince his parents. Keeping everything as a secret from Nino, he wanted them to understand. Because they were family, Sho wanted to believe that one day, they will approve of his relationship with Nino. But his parents have never agreed with him. They forced him to work in the family company, hoping that it will break Sho apart from both music and Nino. Sho could give up on music, he was well aware of that. If he had to choose either Nino or music so he chose Nino. There was no reason for him to create music, if he had to leave Nino, after all.
Sho became a normal salaryman in his father’s company. Facing all those criticism, bullying just because he was the son of the CEO and the humiliating look that his father gave him, every time they see each other. He was okay. He was fine. He could endure everything just for Nino. He didn’t need anything else as long as he had Nino and his smile beside him. Nino was worth for everything and he wanted to prove that to everyone around him.
However, he was naïve. He couldn’t perceive the sadness that was building behind that beautiful smile of Nino.
He still remembered vividly that night from five years ago which still continued to haunt Sho in his nightmares. It was a chilly spring night, just like the last one, when Sho returned their shared apartment with Nino, he found a suitcase waiting at the entrance.
“Nino?” Sho called for him as he made his way to their dark living room. He found Nino sitting on their carpet, facing the window. “Nino, what are you doing?” There was a silent alarm ringing behind Sho's mind when he realized the empty shelves.
“Oh, welcome, Sho-chan,” Nino said almost normally. “How was your day?”
“Normal, I guess,” Sho answered warily. He didn’t like the atmosphere of their own house but still, he made his way to Nino and hugged him from behind. Nino crawled into his arms and there was a comfortable silence for a moment before Nino dropped the bomb.
“Sho-chan, I am leaving,” Nino blurted out as he got out of Sho’s arms.
Sho blinked, confused. “What?”
“I am leaving Japan in a week.” Nino looked so serious, confusing Sho even more.
“Eh? What do you mean?” He asked, trying his best to register all those information that Nino gave him just now.
“I am going to Vienna,” Nino said calmly.
Sho gulped. A business trip? He hoped. “For how long?”
“Probably I won't return again.”
Sho stirred on his place. “What?!” he said louder than he expected. “What do you mean you won’t come back?! What does this mean?! How could you make a decision like this without telling me first!?”
“You were busy, come on Sho, you are always busy!” Nino exploded. “I can’t go on like this anymore,” Nino said not even trying to control the volume of his voice.
“Nino, what are you-”
“I can’t stand it anymore!” Nino cut him off angrily. His voice is louder than Sho had ever heard in this past years. “It is all about you Sho, it was all about you, it was all about your work. From the time you agreed to work in that damn company of your father, you have never been looking at me like you used to!” Nino was talking as if he finally broke his chains. “Who do you want to prove yourself? I don't get it, you are not the Sho that I know. I can't go on like this anymore!”
"You are exaggerating it, Nino!" Sho tried to protest. However as soon as those words left his lips, Nino staggered as if he had been stabbed by him. Sho would never forget those hurtful eyes in his life.
“Nino?” he repeated with a trembling voice. “Why are you calling me like that Sho? Why? Haven’t you realized that you haven't been calling my name for months already? Is it my fault? I don't understand it anymore!” When Sho couldn’t say anything, Nino continued. “I don’t know what are we anymore.”
“But we love each other,” Sho said, finally finding his voice again. “Come on Nino, I know you love me, and you know that I love you,” he didn’t care that if he sounded desperate or even begging. He didn’t want to leave Nino. He didn’t want it, at all!
“You are right,” Nino answered, his eyes glittering with tears. “We love each other. God, Sho, I love you more than my own life,” He wiped his tears frustratedly. He inhaled deeply, trying his best to stop his trembling. “But,” he continued bravely. “We don't have anything but love anymore. Love isn't enough to bound us together anymore.”
Sho couldn’t find anything to say to him after that. He simply stood there, looking at Nino with a shocked expression. His mind went blank as Nino walked past him. “Farewell, Sho-chan,” he heard lastly from Nino and soon, the broken sound of the front door reached his ears, finally giving the signal for his waiting tears. His knees gave in, as he collapsed where he was standing. The first tears rolled from his eyes. Sho cried on that night. Like he never did before.
He never heard from Nino after that, for a very long time.
***
After Nino left, Sho was lost. He didn’t know what to do, or how to live. He tried to maintain his daily life for some time but going to the company every day turned out as a torture for him. Of course, his parents were delighted when they discovered that Nino left, immediately setting up his arranged marriage and such, telling their son that he finally found the right way. Never once in his life, he felt this cornered and frustrated. He could have endured everything for Nino, every single humiliating look, every kind of bullying, every criticism but were there any reason for him to endure those if Nino wasn’t there?
On the third day, Sho resigned from the company. He also cut his ties with his family too. There was nothing left for him to fill the hollow in his heart as he walked aimlessly through the streets, ending up in a different bar every night, until the sunrise. Sho felt suffocated as if Nino had taken all the oxygen in the world with him. He didn’t count the weeks and months that he wasted like that however he was aware that it was a lot.
It was one of those nights when Sho stumbled over Matsumoto Jun, a very handsome music producer. They drank together but they never slept with each other. On their first meeting, after consuming a lot of alcohol, Sho somehow ended up showing him the lovelorn lyrics and melodies.
“You still love this person, don’t you?” Jun asked with a soft smile on his face after he read them carefully. Sho flinched at those words, his eyes immediately tearing up. “Go ahead,” Jun said patting his shoulder. “You can blame the alcohol tomorrow.”
For the first time after Nino left, Sho cried his heart out for hours in front of a stranger. A stranger who became his best friend after that night. Matsumoto Jun even offered a job to Sho as a composer in his studio which was one of the most successful music studios in the industry. Sho agreed with him however he wanted to work with an alias. When Nino left him on that chilly spring night, he wanted to avoid the spring with all his might, choosing Aki as in autumn for his alias.
Strangely, Aki’s song seemed to be loved by the public more than he had expected. Everyone was talking about this mysterious composer who wrote those harrowing but beautiful songs. He wrote for a lot of very famous artists but he never got carried away by that since those songs never sung by Nino again. However, this was the closest thing to be with Nino. When he wrote those songs, imaging it maybe one day, Nino would sing those songs again, he would feel at ease. The hollow in his heart would disappear for that time being, only to return stronger each time.
He wanted to see Nino. He wanted to see him one more time, more than anything.
***
For five years, Sho wrote countless songs, which only reminded him that he wasn’t together with Nino anymore. For five years, Sho yearned for him. For five years, Sho had blamed himself for not being able to notice Nino’s pain, for not being able to stop him when he walked away. And now, he was there, standing in front of the hotel where Nino was, trembling. He was scared, lost but still, he wanted to see Nino.
He still wanted to see him more than anything.
“Hey,” he heard Ohno’s voice behind him. Sho turned to greet him with a weak smile on his face. “I knew you would come,” Ohno said smiling indulgently.
Ohno had always been good at reading people and events around him, even when people thought that he wasn’t paying attention. Again, he was able to see through Sho’s pain while he was thinking that he was hiding it perfectly. Sho was glad to have Ohno beside him for that night. “When did you come back?” Sho asked Ohno feeling a bit better than before.
“A week ago,” Ohno replied. “But I will be leaving next week again, this time to the Ionian Islands.” His eyes sparkled with joy.
Sho laughed. “Being a captain suit you so well.”
“I know,” Ohno answered proudly then giggled. “Even though my mother hates it when I am mostly away. She says no one will marry me if I continue like this.”
“Have you told her that you are married to sea?” Sho joked.
Ohno sighed dramatically. “She doesn’t approve of our relationship.”
Sho patted his back sympathetically. “Don’t lose your hope, mate.”
“Have you talked to your parents after that?” Ohno asked suddenly looking very serious.
Sho shook his head negatively. “I haven’t. I don’t even think they want to see me again. Well, I am fine like this.” Ohno didn’t seem convinced. “Really, Oh-chan, I am fine,” Sho smiled reassuringly.
Ohno stayed silent for a moment. “Don’t force yourself, alright?”
Sho nodded with a smile on his face. “Okay,” then inhaled deeply. “Let’s go inside.”
***
The party was crowded. When he walked out of the elevator, he was surprised by the number of people around him. People were drinking, enjoying themselves together, making Sho feel somehow unwelcomed and out of place.
Some of the faces were familiar. He could recognize them from their university time and some of them were really unfamiliar. Sho frowned. As far as he knew, none of them were actually Nino’s friends.
The Nino which Sho knew for more than ten years was a lonesome guy, who mostly spent his time alone in the music room or in his house. It may be five years that he hasn’t seen him but he knew that Nino actually didn’t change that much. At least, that was what he wanted to believe.
Sho knew that Nino had been bullied when he was in junior high which lead him to choose a life with few friends. Aiba and Ohno one of their best friends and as much as he doubted that he was still important in Nino’s life, he was sure that Nino was still friends with Ohno and Aiba.
“It’s kind of strange,” Ohno murmured next to him. Sho contented himself with a nod, not sure about what to say. Apparently, Ohno was thinking the same thing with him. He pulled Sho from his arm towards the crowd, in order to find Aiba. They were both sure that this was neither Aiba’s nor Nino’s idea. So, how things become like this?
It didn’t take them long to find Aiba who was nestled in the corner with a confused expression. When he noticed them, he seemed to relax and rush towards them. “Aiba-chan, what’s going on here?” Sho asked firmly.
“I really don’t know,” Aiba answered mournfully. “I didn’t even call that much of people! It would be just you guys, Kaza-pon and Toma!”
Sho frowned. “Where’s Nino?”
“He went to the restroom just now,” Aiba answered, his lips turning into a thin line.
“Have you ever told anyone about this?” Sho insisted.
“I haven’t!” Aiba said firmly. “Do you think I would do something like this to Nino?! He is my best friend!”
Sho closed his eyes for a moment, what was the meaning of this? However, that wasn’t important anymore as Aiba said the words that will stop his heart.
“Oh, here he comes,” Aiba's voice made him forget everything for a moment as he snapped his eyes open to see him.
Sho knew that to meet Nino again would be hard in every kind of situation. He knew that it would hurt like hell but still, he wasn’t expecting to actually hear the crackling noise of his own heart. It was like, Nino was walking over the already broken pieces of his heart, breaking them more. Sho’s breath hitched, his ears buzzed and strangely his heart started to beat again.
A part of him had already forgotten what a heart meant. Because after Nino left, his heart was nothing but a mere organism, which was bound to beat as a matter of fact. He was alive, but he really didn’t feel like that. Until now. Until he saw Nino again. It felt like, his heart found a long-lost piece. And that made Sho hurt more. Because that only meant that his heart would always and only belong to Nino, even after that whole five years.
“Hi,” Nino said when he finally reached the small group. Sho gulped. Oh, how he missed that voice of him… It sounded like a sacred song to his ears and he knew if he ever told that to Nino, he would tease him until the end of the time. But then again… He had lost that chance long ago.
“It has been a while,” he heard himself saying in autopilot mode. Nino smiled and Sho’s heart beat almost too painfully in his chest. How long has it been since he had last seen that smile? Sho realized for the first time that Nino’s smile had lost its shine even before their break-up. He hated himself more than before on that very moment.
“Truly,” Nino answered shortly before walking past him towards Ohno and Aiba. He still wears the same cologne, Sho thought as Nino’s scent lingered longer than he actually wanted. “Oh-chan!!” Nino exclaimed joyfully to the sight of older man and Sho didn’t need to see to understand that Nino threw himself to Ohno. Sho tried to swallow the knot that formed in his throat. He inhaled deeply. Nino is fine, a logical part of his brain registered. He is fine without me.
From that moment, the party continued in a blur. Sho didn’t know what he was doing but apparently, he was doing it well. Even Ohno stopped looking at him with that worry in his eyes. He laughed, he smiled, he joked and he behaved as if everything was normal. As if, Nino didn’t walk away like he did, and they were still friends. Only to be reminded that they weren’t together anymore every single second.
However, the atmosphere of the party changed from a moment which Sho couldn’t quite catch because he was too busy to act his part in the evening. Apparently, everyone other than Ohno, Aiba, Toma, and Kazama was there to see how this weird guy won a scholarship and become an instructor in Europe’s one of the most prestigious music academy. They were only there to see it with their own eyes, and maybe to make fun of him. Sho could see the wry look everyone had. It was almost like the time he had been working for his father’s company… Even though he never told Nino about that, Sho was very familiar with that look.
Sho wasn’t an idiot, and he knew Nino wasn’t an idiot too. He must have realized the intentions of everyone the moment he walked in however instead of saying “back off” to their faces, Nino chose to go with the flow, answering the questions and even joking with them cheerfully.
“I would never guess that our weird otaku was capable of something like this,” said one of the girls which Sho didn’t know wickedly. “Did you perhaps got your way into someone’s pants, Nino?”
Everyone except their small group laughed dirtily. “I bet being gay was useful!” a man answered the girl. “Do you think they will let me into Harvard if I become someone’s hugging pillow?”
Sho slammed the glass in his hand to the table, so loud that it cut through every sound. The glass broken into small pieces under his hand but Sho didn’t even flinch. The stinging pain in his hand, only reminded him that Nino must have felt a lot more pain than him.
Then he started to laugh. Surprising everyone with the sudden change of emotions. He laughed and laughed until his eyes teared. “God, this is so funny,” he said while wiping a tear with his uninjured hand. “I didn’t know that watching a bunch of human failures, drown in their own jealousy pool would be this funny!” Sho wiped another tear as he continued. “You should do it with an audience, really! I am sure you would be able to beat those third rated comedians and finally earn something in your life.” He threw a cold glance at every one of them as he finished. Then he turned to Aiba, avoiding both Ohno and Nino. “Sorry, Aiba-chan, I should go now. I have an early meeting tomorrow. It was nice to see you guys,” he smiled softly. “See you later then,” he said before he left the place hurriedly as if he was being chased.
He pushed the buttons of the elevator a couple of times, ignoring the blood dripping to the floor from his injured hand. The doors opened with a lazy bing and he threw himself in, inhaling a shaky breath. All he needed to do was to wait for the doors to be closed and he can finally return to being the debris he had been for this whole five years. However before he could relax, someone stopped the elevator doors. He assumed that it was Ohno. The doors opened again, revealing Nino in front of him.
For a moment, Sho forgot how to breathe again as Nino stepped into the elevator with an unreadable expression. They stayed silent for a few seconds until the doors are closed again. Then all of a sudden Nino groaned irritatedly. He took out a handkerchief from the pocket of his trousers. “You are as reckless as before,” he murmured while taking Sho’s injured hand in his. He grimaced as he saw the cuts and a couple of glass pieces that stuck into Sho’s hand. He reached out and took the glasses without any warning which gained a pained cry from Sho.
“Hey!” Sho exclaimed indignantly.
“Shut up, you idiot!” Nino snapped without looking at him and started to wrap the handkerchief to his hand. “Why did you do it?” He asked calmly.
“I am sorry,” Sho replied almost inaudible. “I didn’t want to ruin your party…”
“It’s not like I was enjoying anyway,” Nino replied curtly.
Sho stayed silent since he had no idea about what to say. An uncomfortable silence filled the elevator. It was the restless silence of the words which had never been told. The words tried to break through the sealed lips of their owners’, only to fail one more time.
Just then, the elevator shook and stopped moving. Instinctively, Sho grabbed Nino’s arm, pulling him towards himself to steady the younger one on his feet. The lights above them flickered for a couple of times, before turning to normal. “What’s happening?” Nino asked as he swiftly got out of Sho’s grip.
“The elevator stopped, I guess…” Sho answered.
Nino made his way towards the panel, pushing the emergency button which didn’t work as well. “Awesome,” he said unhappily. “Did you see which floor we were?”
“I am sorry,” Sho answered while looking at the floor. There was no way he could say that he was too busy to keep his emotions in the bay since Nino was there with him.
“Perfect,” Nino snarled.
“So we are stuck here,” Sho said after a minute of silence.
“What a luck,” Nino snorted and went to sit to a corner. “Getting stuck in the elevator on my first week back in Japan. Maybe Japan hates me?” He asked sarcastically.
“It loves you,” Sho answered almost immediately.
“It must be just you who thinks like that,” Nino grumbled. “I have nothing but bad memories here.”
Those words hurt Sho more than he actually could have guessed. He gulped while wanting to say something. Anything was fine as long as it didn’t let Sho drown into his own misery. So he asked the first thing that came to his mind. “How is your mother?”
Nino threw him a side glance. “She died.”
“What?!” Sho exclaimed with the sudden information.
“Three years ago, I came back only once for her funeral,” Nino answered calmly.
“Why did I never heard about it!?” Sho asked hysterically. He knew that Nino was very fond of his mother. And oh God, even Sho was fond of her. She was the one of few that supported Nino and Sho on their relationship. She was a lovely woman, even treating Sho as his own son. The sudden lost stabbed his poor heart.
“You were probably busy,” Nino shrugged. That was a lie. Sho hadn’t been busy after he left his job and for God’s sake! He would have made time for her funeral even if he was drowning in work! Sho wanted to say something, but he swallowed it.
“And your father?”
“I haven’t talked to that bastard after my mother's death. He didn't even come to her funeral,” he replied coldly.
“I am sorry, Nino,” Sho apologized. He knew that it was painful for Nino beyond his understanding.
“For what? It's not like you are the one who caused her death.”
“For not being there.”
Nino laughed. “It’s not the first time. You were never actually there, Sho. You were always somewhere else after you decided to follow your parents' wishes.”
Sho chuckled, surprising Nino. He went to sit down to next corner. “You are right,” he said softly, looking at the ceiling. “I became someone else. Someone you didn’t know, someone you didn’t fall in love with.”
It was now Nino’s turn to stay silent. He didn’t expect Sho to accept it like that. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that but he jumped with surprise when he heard Sho’s soft voice again.
“Say, Nino… you used to say that we were meant to meet, do you think that we were also meant to fall apart?” Sho asked with a lonely smile on his face.
Seeing that smile, stabbed Nino in the heart. “You are so dramatic,” he chose to mock him. “Or maybe you are listening too much Aki songs. Either way, it sounds stupid.”
Sho laughed softly. “I am surprised you know about Aki.”
“I like his songs,” Nino shrugged. “And you? What have you been doing? Still working at your father’s company? It’s already your time to take over after all.”
“I am not,” Sho answered curtly.
“What?”
“Neither I am working in that company nor going to take over it,” Nino looked confusedly at his face. Sho sighed deeply. “I left my job a long time ago. And also cut my ties with my family too.”
“Why?!” Nino asked with a shocked expression.
“It didn’t matter anymore,” Sho answered calmly. Was there any reason to hide it after all those times? “I started working there because they would never let me see you again if I didn’t agree to work in that company in the first place. I guess they were thinking that I would come to my senses and break up with you when I start working there. Too bad for them, though.”
A silence fell between them once again, until Nino broke it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“To tell you what, Nino?” Sho asked sadly. “Yes, I was bullied by my colleagues and humiliated on a daily basis by my own parents but I didn’t care less since I was with you.”
Nino gulped.
“And you would never let me do it if you knew,” Sho continued. “Honestly, it didn’t matter. I really didn’t care about any of them but when you left… It was simply broken, so I resigned from my job.”
“Why..?” Nino asked once again. “Why did you hide it from me?!”
Sho looked at Nino fondly, not answering for a while. “Because you were worth to everything,” he answered truthfully. “You are still worth to every single suffering. That’s how much I am in love with you.”
“You are an idiot,” Nino said angrily.
“I know,” Sho smiled. “No matter whatever day today is, whatever I try to do, I suppose I'll end up loving you…”
Then the elevator started moving once again just as suddenly as it stopped. Sho wanted to laugh. Apparently, Karma was trying to give him one last chance to say all those words which Sho never had any chance to say.
The elevator reached the ground floor and Sho got up, also helping Nino. “It was good to see you,” Sho said lastly. “Farewell, Kazu.”
***
After leaving the party and a very confused Nino behind, Sho called Jun who knew everything. When he came to pick Sho in his car, surprised to see the injured hand, he drove him to a hospital first. Apparently, Sho was too occupied to notice how bad his hand hurt because he had to go through eight stitches and his hand would take some time to heal.
Then, Sho told everything to Jun only to get scolded by him. Earning himself a; “You should have said those long ago! Before he left!”
Sho was aware of that perfectly. It was just… he was too blinded by his own ambitions back then. Now, he didn’t have any pride. He was miserable without Nino. He wasn’t feeling like he was living without him at all.
And now, after three days of that fateful encounter with Nino, Sho was struggling with his piano in Matsumoto Recording Studio. It was already hard to play it single-handedly and Nino occupying his thoughts didn’t help him at all.
He sighed irritatedly as he stopped playing and placed his forehead on the keyboard, gaining an indignant sound from the black grand piano. I miss him, probably more than before. Seeing Nino only made him long for more, and telling those words he never got any chance to say made him realize that he had lost his last connection with him too.
He had been living a nightmare, rehashing every single word which he would tell Nino when he saw him again, in his head. And there he was, standing there in misery even after having finally said everything he wanted. He had said all those words to him and yet, he wasn't feeling like he had been released from his chains. The hollow in his heart only got bigger, stronger and harsher.
He felt a firm hand on his shoulder. “Go back to your house, Sho,” said Jun. “I appreciate that you want to work but you will hurt yourself more at this rate. You have been sleeping in the coach for three days already and you honestly need a bath.” Sho snorted. He wasn't actually sleeping for the last three days but Jun didn't have to know about it. “Go home, I need you as presentable as possible for tomorrow’s meeting,” Jun insisted and finally Sho gave in and he had no energy to question what tomorrow’s meeting was about.
***
The journey to his home was almost as torturous as his last days. He didn’t want to go to his house at all. The reason was simple. The house and everything reminded him of Nino. He plugged his earphones to his ears and put a very random music, turning the volume to the last, hoping that it would at least erase some of his thoughts. It was stupid, Sho knew that perfectly. After their break up, he and Nino had just gone back to before they met. So what changed to hurt Sho this much?
He sighed, knowing that he should move forward. He should stop waiting for Nino and obtain a life without Nino in it. However, he didn’t know how to do it when his heart only beat when he was next to Nino.
He turned off the music when he realized that didn’t really help to take off his thoughts. It was pitiful… What a misery. Sho would laugh at himself if he wasn’t feeling this bad. With that, he walked down the perfectly memorized street mechanically. The scenery of the cherry blossoms which was surrounded by the night was so insipid that Sho had to lower his head and follow his own steps with his eyes. The sound of his steps echoed in the street, making him count them.
One and two and three… The numbers followed each other just like his steps and he knew it was about time to look around himself. He shuffled around his pocket to take out his keys when he reached his apartment. When he found the keys, he looked up once again, only to find Nino sitting above the paving. “Nino?” he said not being able to believe his eyes.
Nino who didn’t seem as surprised as Sho stood up from where he was sitting, grunting a bit to the pain which caused by sitting too long. “You finally came,” he said calmly as he shook the dust over his black jeans. He was wearing an oversized t-shirt and a white cap.
“What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you, Einstein,” Nino said sarcastically.
“Why?” Sho insisted. They were over. It was over. So why was Nino here?
“I think we have to talk.”
***
With that, cautiously, Sho let Nino in. It was strange but also very normal to have Nino in that house. “Sorry about the mess,” Sho murmured as he held the door for him to enter.
Nino stayed silent as he took off his shoes and made his way to the living room which was way too familiar. He blinked as he looked around. Everything was same except the piles of papers scattered over the floor. “You didn’t change anything…?”
Sho wasn’t sure if he should answer that or not. He wasn’t even sure if it was a statement or a question, to be honest, so he decided to say something else. “Do you want something to drink?”
“No, thanks,” Nino replied as he walked towards the window and looked at the two metronomes which were placed on an empty shelf. It was the bookshelf that Nino used when they were living together. It looked exactly like he had left, only two metronomes placed on it. Nino gulped. He was so sure about that it was better for them to break up when he left Sho, however now he had some serious doubts about the decision he made five years ago. “Sho, we need to talk,” he said as he turned towards him swiftly.
“What?” Sho asked with a weird smile on his face. “I don’t think we still have something to talk without remembering the past.”
Nino ignored him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“About what?” Sho insisted to avoid.
“About everything!” Nino exploded. “Why didn’t you tell me?! Why?!”
“There's nothing to tell,” Sho answered firmly. “There was nothing to tell. Because none of them is your fault,” Sho exhaled a deep and exhausted breath. “You would blame yourself for them. Don’t try to protest, I know you would. And you are doing it now too.”
“Then why did you told me this time?” Nino sounded almost desperate.
“You want to know the truth?” Sho said trying to sound nonchalant, yet not being able to stop his voice from trembling. “Because I am so tired, Kazu,” he admitted finally. Nino flinched overhearing that statement, feeling his mind went blank. Sho continued. “Honestly, I am so tired of this,” he showed his chest with a soft, broken smile. “I am so tired of yearning for you. Five years, Kazu. For five years, I have been dreaming of you every second of my life,” Sho didn’t mind when a tear escaped from his left eye, sliding down and disappearing silently. “You were right,” he inhaled deeply. “Love isn’t enough to bound us together, but no matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much I struggle, you are the only one who can fill this huge hollow in my heart.” With that Nino started to cry too. “No, no…” Sho said desperately rushing towards Nino to wipe his tears. “Don’t cry, Kazu. Please don’t cry… I am not worth to your tears,” he tried to smile, knowing that it was nothing but a failure. His fingers ghosted over Nino’s soft cheeks tenderly, as if he was touching the most important jewel in the entire world. "I know it was all my fault-" Sho started regretfully once again only to be stopped by Nino fiercely.
"It's not!" Nino's eyes were burning with emotions. "It was my fault Sho. It was all my fault!” He placed his hands on both sides of Sho’s face. “I wanted to have every single part of you for myself and myself only,” Nino confessed. “I couldn't stand having you walk another path, leaving me behind so I left you first!” Nino’s tears were now streaming down from his eyes freely. “God, Sho, if love is not enough to bound us together, I don’t know what is capable,” Nino said desperately. “I love you so much that it doesn’t even make sense anymore.” Sho didn’t know how to answer to Nino’s sudden confession. Then Nino laughed a little taking his hands away from Sho’s face and took a few steps back. “But it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Because we had lost it long ago…”
Sho took a step towards Nino, and another one, and then another one. Until he was right in front of him. Nino was now trapped between Sho and the empty bookshelf. “Was that the reason for leaving me?!” Sho asked in a low tone, almost dangerously.
Nino gulped. “I know,” he said bravely. “I am not expecting you to forgive me.”
“Then why did you say it?!” Sho asked helplessly. He was angry. He was angry at Nino, at himself, at every possible thing.
“Because I am also tired of this!” Nino shot back, tears returning to his eyes once again, stronger than before. “Because I am tired of trying to hate you when you are the only one who could actually make me feel complete.”
Something felt like finally snapped from its cage and Sho slammed his lips to Nino’s soft and familiar ones, almost angrily. He was frustrated. He was frustrated by a lot of things but mostly he was frustrated they were suffering for five years for nothing.
Nino answered his kiss immediately, with the same heat. His hands found Sho’s hair, fingers tangling to strands of his hair, pulling it aggressively. He wriggled himself wanting to gain more contact. He moaned as Sho bit his lower lip. The kiss was messy, yet familiar and very aggressive, filled with the longing of five years. Sho’s hand settled on Nino’s waist, pulling him closer and tilting his head to get a better access to his mouth. He kissed and kissed Nino until his lungs couldn’t stand it anymore. He backed away only a few millimeters, just enough for him and Nino to store some oxygen to their screaming lungs. Neither of them was patient for a longer break when their lips meet again in the middle. There was not a single thing soft about the kiss since neither of them needed tenderness at that moment.
Soon, Nino’s oversized t-shirt was dumped and he felt the chilly weather of the spring night on his skin. He was trembling with both anticipations, want and need. Sho followed him just a second after, throwing his own t-shirt to somewhere which he didn’t care at all and pressing his body to Nino’s. He wanted, no, needed to feel him close to him. He had been craving everything about Nino and there he was, looking at him with love and lust filled eyes, nearly begging him to touch him more. There was no mistaking, no denying and no escape now. Both of them wanted it, both of them needed it.
Sho placed his hands around Nino’s firm hips, hauling him up as Nino wrapped his legs around his waist. Now, Nino was a bit higher than Sho, taking the lead of the kiss and caressing Sho’s face softly. He was a lot lighter than Sho had remembered as he held him firmly at his place, secured inside his arms. He wouldn’t let anything or anyone to hurt Nino anymore, not even himself. “Take me to the bedroom,” Nino whispered to his lips between the kisses. Sho could feel Nino’s hardness poking him from his black jeans and he himself wasn’t in a better condition than him.
“Are you sure?” Sho wanted to confirm.
“More than anything,” Nino said calmly, looking at Sho’s eyes truthfully. He wanted this, he wanted Sho. He had been yearning him for all those years…
Sho held Nino tightly as he started walking to their bedroom, trying his best to avoid papers. Luckily, their house wasn’t the biggest and their journey was rather short as Sho lowered Nino to their old bed carefully. He hovered over him, balancing himself with his one arm, he kissed Nino again and again, as if trying to fill the blank of the five years. When Nino started to whine, demanding for more, Sho remembered something. “But I don’t have any lube,” he whispered to Nino.
“What?!” Nino asked somewhere between lost in lust and reality.
“I… well… I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone…” he confessed.
“What?!” Nino said once again. “Were you doing a sex diet or something?!”
“Would you rather prefer me sleeping with random guys?!” Sho asked pettishly.
Nino considered that for a moment. “Okay, you win. I would hate it definitely.”
“So what now?” Sho asked.
Nino looked around searching for anything. “I don’t care. Use that stupid aloe vera gel of yours or whatever, I need you,” Nino said determinedly.
Sho chuckled and kissed Nino one more time before reaching for the aloe vera gel. He hadn’t been together with anyone for all those years but strangely, his body remembered everything perfectly. Maybe because it was Nino who was laying on their bed. Or maybe it was because they were in their bed like they used to. The fact that Nino remembered about his weird aloe vera gel made his heart beat faster if that was even possible. He had no idea and he also had no desire to find out the reason for it anytime soon since Nino was writhing under the ministration of his long and delicate fingers. Sho didn’t hold himself back as he pressed Nino’s pleasure point mercilessly. It was like re-remembering, and it was like rediscovering Nino all over again.
Nino came quickly, even to his own surprise. He had been yearning for Sho’s touch and his presence so much that just knowing that it was none other than Sho who was pleasuring him made him more aroused than ever. It was mysterious yet so familiar. Feeling Sho inside him, his movements, his warmth all over him was just so normal and Nino realized what kind of hell he was living through all these time. He threw his head back moaning with a voice filled with lust, he realized their intertwined hands. Sho was holding his hand all these time and Nino felt like crying once again. They weren’t simply making love, they were trying to make themselves to believe that it was okay; that they were finally allowed to touch each other, that they were together at that moment for real.
It didn’t take long for both of them to reach another stage and they became gradually louder. Nino’s moans were echoing inside the room, mixing with Sho’s own. Sho’s speed became faster, and the need of climax was just too strong and intense that none of them wanted to resist.
“I love you, Sho!” Nino screamed when Sho made him see the heavens. He was soon followed by Sho who collapsed on him. Nino wrapped his arms around Sho which Sho didn’t protest at all as he buried his face to the crook of Nino’s neck. He inhaled deeply for some moments and the room was silent with just the voice of their silent breaths filling it.
“I love you, Kazu,” Sho whispered after some time, not raising his head from the crook of Nino’s neck. He continued to breathe Nino’s scent which was mixed with sweat. Nino caressed his hair, holding him closer to himself. “I love you more than this whole world, Kazu,” Sho continued shakily. “I can’t breathe without you… I can’t see without you… I can’t hear without you… I am not living, I am only suffering every day without you,” Nino felt the hot tears on his skin and he tightened his arms around Sho. “You are the only one who could make my heart a whole, and you are the only one who can crash it over a billion pieces…” Sho was trembling with fear. “I am afraid of waking up to tomorrow. I feel like if I let my eyes close now and fall asleep, you won’t be here in my arms anymore.”
That moment, Nino hated himself more than ever. He was only thinking about himself, he was only thinking about how he didn’t want to be left behind by Sho but in the end, he was the one who walked away, making Sho suffer like this.
He pushed Sho away just a little, only to be able to look at his eyes. “I am not. I will not. I won’t go anywhere anymore,” He said firmly. “I can’t go away anymore. I know that it won’t be easy to prove that to you, but I will make you believe!”
Sho blinked as he looked at Nino’s eyes. More tears started to leave his eyes as if there was no way of stopping them anymore. He felt relieved. It finally felt home. It finally felt like he was really living. Nino wiped his tears patiently, trying to hold back his own tears. “Kazu…” Sho whispered his name one more time as if he was reiterating a sacred oath.
Then all of a sudden Nino gave in and started to cry his heart out. “Sho!” he hugged him, burying his face to Sho’s chest and let his fear meltdown by the warmth of Sho. He was safe in those arms.
They fell asleep like that. Tangled with each other, not knowing where the one started and where the other finished, they sought for each other’s presence. Trying to fill the five years of gaps, trying to fill the hollow in each other’s chest as they welcomed the morning.
***
The next morning, Sho woke up with the furious ring of his cell phone. He groaned, snuggling close to Nino’s soft body as he chuckled fondly.
“You should really get up and answer that phone,” Nino murmured, planting a kiss to Sho’s hair.
Sho didn’t want to. Honestly. The last thing he wanted to do for the next five years was probably getting out of Nino’s thin but soft arms which were holding him strongly. Nino stroked his back, up and down soothingly. “It’s okay,” he whispered encouragingly. Then Sho took a deep breath and got out of Nino’s soft arms.
“Yes?” he answered his phone.
“Finally! Why do I have to call you like a stalker?! Geez, you know that I am your boss, right?” Jun’s cranky voice filled Sho’s ears.
“You were the one who wanted me to go home! What now?!” Sho asked annoyed by his friend's sudden outburst.
“Yes, but I said that I need you back here tomorrow! And presentable! So would you please tell me where are you right now?!”
“At home,” Sho answered curtly. “And why do you need me presentable again?”
“Because you have a damn recording with Kazamasa-san and you are going to meet our new singer this evening!” Jun was getting impatient and Sho was aware of that.
“Which new singer?” He asked confused.
“You, Sakurai Sho, if you don’t get your damn ass here, I swear I will come there and rip that beautiful head from your body-” Jun started with a low and dangerous voice.
“Okay! Okay!! Keep calm, I will be there in an hour or so!” Sho said quickly.
“You better be!” Jun screeched before cutting the call.
Sho looked at his phone for a few moments confused while Nino was rolling in the bed with laughter while holding his stomach. “Stop laughing,” Sho said grumpily as he put the phone back to the nightstand and returned to embrace Nino.
“I can’t… It was so funny! Oh, God! I am grateful to you for showing me the scene of perfect Sakurai Sho getting scolded by his boss!” He said dramatically.
Sho pouted. “It’s not funny…”
“It is!” Nino insisted before pecking Sho’s lips. “You should go.”
Sho gulped. “Yes, probably… By the way, Kazu, I never got any chance to ask this but… why did you come back to Japan?” He asked, suddenly remembering.
Nino blinked. “Oh, that? I came back for work.”
“Then…” Sho started hesitantly. “You will be staying?”
A moment of silence filled the room. Sho’s heart was beating on his throat and he was afraid of Nino’s answer. “Yes,” Nino answered after a few seconds. “I guess, I will.” Sho flashed a smile and Nino’s heart ached to the sight of it. He had made both of them suffer for five years, for the sake of nothing. He leaned over to kiss Sho once again. This time, the kiss was longer than before and both of them were trying to convince that they won’t leave this time. It was a promise, a welcome back, a pleading at the same time and when Nino let Sho go, they were both reluctant to part away. “I will return to my hotel, okay?” Nino said.
“Why?!” Sho asked in panic.
“I am not leaving. Not again, but it has been five years Sho… I think we both need some time to think,” Nino said calmly.
“Kazu-” Sho tried to protest but Nino cut him.
“I am not leaving,” he said truthfully.
Sho bit his lower lip. He wanted to argue but also he didn’t want to ruin everything so he gave in. “Alright… Anything you say, Kazu,” he said and getting up to shower and dress quickly before Jun’s patience ran off.
***
“So you haven’t been listening to me for all these time?!” Jun was about to bite his head off when he confessed that he had absolutely no idea about what was going on there.
“Um… I am sorry?” Sho tried to apologize like a lost puppy which was scolded by his owner.
Jun huffed angrily. “I can’t believe! I really can’t believe a dumb like you manages to create all those touching songs!” Jun said while pacing in the room. “You are the shape of misuse of ability! I can’t believe you!”
“Okay! I apologized already! And the meeting is in the evening! We have enough time for you to teach me what I have to know,” Sho tried to calm his friend down.
“Before that, will you please explain to me what the hell were you doing when I explained everything to you for multiple times already!” Jun didn’t seem really convinced.
“I have no excuse,” Sho answered guiltily. “I mean, I do have some but-” however before he can continue with a girl from sound staff stormed inside the room.
“Aki-san! Where have you been?! We can’t start without you! And Kazamasa-san is already in recording booth!” She said rapidly while holding Sho’s upper arm, dragging him to the recording booth.
“The meeting was at five, right?! I will be there, don’t worry, MatsuJun!” He managed to say before the girl dragged him out.
Definitely, he had a long day waiting for him.
***
He somehow managed to get out alive from Kazamasa’s recording, hurrying his way to another booth. Since he was late that morning, all of his schedules seemed crumbled. He barely found some time to go to the toilet, let alone lunch or any kind of meal. His day continued like a crazy storm and he couldn’t do anything but obey the staff who dragged him from one room to another. He made meetings, he made corrections, he directed recordings until one of the staff burst in to inform him about yet another meeting with this new singer.
Sho heaved a sigh. He didn’t have any chance to see Jun after their talk so he had no idea about who this talent was. He rubbed his eyes as he followed the staff to the meeting rooms trying to calm his nerves. He didn’t like to be this unprepared but he at least had Jun there to back him up if he needed it. The staff knocked on the door and opened it. Sho took a deep breath, ruffled his hair for a bit to distract himself and walked past the staff going inside the room. “I am so sorry for making you wait-” he started only to forget the continuation of his sentence when he saw the new singer who also stood up to greet him but stopped before doing it, clearly shocked.
“Kazu?” Sho’s chin was dropped with surprise as he looked into the eyes of the real owner of every song that he wrote so far.
“Sho? Why are you here?” Nino asked as confused as Sho himself.
“You two know each other?” Jun asked finally.
“He is…” Sho started not sure how to explain it. “Um… he is the one…” he stammered.
Jun blinked a few times. “You don’t mean…?” He was fast as always, catching up with the situation. “Oh my God… He is the one who you are writing those songs for!” He exclaimed overwhelmed by the twist of the fate.
“Wait, what?” Nino asked confused.
“Ninomiya-san, he is Aki,” Jun explained. “He is the one who was going to write your debut song.”
“Aki…?” Nino was far too gone to register that situation.
“And oh my God, I can’t believe this…” Jun continued to talk. “Sho, I met him four years ago in Vienna. He was singing an Aki song on a sidewalk with his guitar!”
Sho, whose brain stopped working, couldn’t really register the situation.
“Aki is… Sho?” Nino mumbled mostly to himself.
Jun stood in front of him, shaking him a little. “Sho, he is here!” Jun insisted. “He has been singing your songs for all these time!”
And finally, those words made sense for Sho. Nino has been singing… Nino has been singing his songs… He gulped, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by it.
“You are really Aki?” Nino asked once again, this time seems more composed.
Sho only managed to nod.
“Why?” Nino asked firmly.
“Because music was the only thing that I could still feel a connection with you,” Sho answered truthfully, not being able to find a reason to lie to him.
“And all those songs…” Nino started but Sho cut him.
“And all those songs were for you. Only for you. They were love letters from me to you,” Sho said and Nino suddenly started to laugh. Sho blinked with surprise, as the sound of Nino’s beautiful laugh filled the room.
Nino doubled over with laughter, also feeling his tears starting to overflow again. How stupid he was… All these time, he had listened to Aki’s songs, because everything he wanted to hear from Sho had been gathered in those songs. “I am such an idiot…” Nino said between his tears and laughter. “All these time, those songs were everything that I wanted to hear from you… All these time, I thought that you moved on, continued to your life, forgetting me for good…” Nino sobbed. “And here I am standing in front of you, while you screamed your love to the world for me…” He tried to wipe the tears, but they were replaced with new ones immediately. “How much I made you suffer… And how much you made me feel loved…” He buried his face to his hands. “I don’t deserve you…” he whispered finally.
And those words finally snapped Sho from his place. He moved around the big meeting table at a flying speed to embrace Nino. He circled his arms around Nino, pressing his body to his. He kissed Nino’s hairs, whispering sweet nothings to his ears.
Jun smiled as he listened to the confessions of each. He was witnessing a miracle and he was sure that sometimes, miracles made the world a better place. He slid out of the room silently, closing the door behind himself. They would be fine, he was sure of that. They would be fine from now on.
***
After that Nino debuted with his first song, written by Aki.
And Aki never wrote songs for anyone other than Nino.
Pairing: Sakurai Sho x Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: Mature
Summary: When Nino left Sho, he thought he was surviving. However, the hollow that stood in his chest, never left its place after he left.
Warnings: Lots of lots of angst with a happy ending. Also my English... I needed this out of my system so badly.
Inspired by Yonezu Kenshi - Metronome / (lyrics here) /so the story contains a lot of similar lines with the song itself.
metronome; a device used by musicians that marks time at a selected rate by giving a regular tick.
Comments are welcomed as always.
A bunch of thanks to my dear Bunny whom I was able to finish this for.
Sho put his earphones on when he finally left the studio, wanting to erase the silence. It was already three in the morning. The silent studio, the silent street and chilly spring night made him feel trapped with the feeling of emptiness. He walked down the never changing street which he walked for more than half of his life. Every step was familiar and every step had been memorized perfectly, taking him to his very empty house.
Five years, Sho thought as the melancholic melody of the piano filled the background of his thoughts. It has been five years and he was still thinking about Nino, every night, torturously. Five years and still, Sho was yearning for his warmth, for his presence, for his smile… Five years, since he last saw him… Five years, since he last felt complete. It had been five years and ever since Sho’s heart hasn’t been beating like it used to.
Five years since I last saw you, and it’s still not easy.
***
Sakurai Sho and Ninomiya Kazunari met when they were both in university. Sadly, it wasn't a same school type of romance since Sho was attending a private one while Nino was in a public university. But they always shared the same street, until their infamous corner which broke them apart until the next morning.
On their first encounter, Nino was standing on the way with his huge and very worn out yellow headphones. Sho remembered that he was actually angry because he was standing in the way, in other words, he was a bother to other people.
Sho breathed steadily that day, not wanting to argue with a stranger, he just threw him an annoyed glance and walked away. However, when he finished his day and walked his way down to his single roomed apartment, Nino was there again, exactly in the same position. He remembered that he was quite confused by Nino's strange behavior, making him forget his anger and approach him to ask if anything was wrong with him so that he can help.
But Nino smiled widely to him, thanked him for asking and walked away as if he won a competition.
Even now, Sho remembered perfectly that he couldn't sleep on that night. What was the meaning of that?
Good for him, Nino was there to answer his questions next day.
“You were the only one who noticed me there,” Nino said, smiling widely. “I was thinking about it, if I stood here, would anyone even think about it?”
Sho frowned. “Ridiculous,” he answered curtly. “You were blocking the way. Find something more interesting and useful to do than blocking the way.”
However, as strange as it seemed, Nino waved him off. “This must mean something,” he said with a smirk on his face. “I think we were meant to meet.”
“Nonsense,” Sho answered coldly. Why was he even had to accompany all this idiocy? So he walked away again.
He was surprised to find Nino at the same place over and over again after their strange first encounter. In the beginning, Sho was annoyed by his stubborn behavior but from some point, Nino managed to find a place in his heart while avoiding his cold, hard and strict personality.
Nino was weird. And impossible to predict… Sho felt himself being enchanted by this short, adorable, weird, clever guy slowly but surely. Honestly, he had no idea how Nino made his way through his cranky and very short tempered nature to his heart but when he realized it, Nino was already there. As if he was meant to be there.
And in the depths of his heart, Sho was sure that Nino would always keep that place in his heart.
***
Sho threw his rucksack to the corner of the room, took off his parka and draped it over the couch unceremoniously. He kicked the things that were on his way and made his way to his usual corner which became like a temple to him over this five years. He looked at the two metronomes that Nino left behind; one black and one red. They were too familiar since the black one was Nino’s and the red one was presented by Nino to him. However, both of them were set in different beats. Nino set them in different beats before he left.
I am a coward, he thought as he couldn't reach his hand to touch them. I am a coward and an idiot, he thought mournfully. He buried his head in his hands, letting out a frustrated sigh. He then took the closest paper and pen to his hand and wrote down a single line:
No matter what I do, no matter what day, no matter where I am, no matter where you are, I am still searching for you
Sho usually liked to be right. Some of his colleagues when he was working in the sales department even called him Mr. Right, however this time, he hated to be right about one thing: that even after all those years, Nino never lost his place in Sho's heart.
He wished that he were braver. In that case, would he be able to stop Nino from leaving? Would he be able to catch his wrist and hold him there with him?
Sho laughed bitterly. Those ‘what ifs’ were driving him crazy day by day and he had no idea how he managed to came to that day. He fell back against the pile of papers, watching the ceiling. His earphones were still placed on his ears however the song stopped playing a while ago. He sighed, taking off the earphones, he threw them aside with his phone. It was time to sleep, Sho thought mechanically as he stood up and walked to his bed, marking the end of his day.
A dreamless sleep was waiting for him. If he was lucky enough, he could have a nice dream with Nino in it, smiling to him like he used to. He wanted to hope that tonight will be the night that Nino would come and visit in his dreams. However, he was perfectly aware that he was hoping futilely.
***
He was dreaming. Sho was sure of it when he saw Nino in front of him, with a thoughtful expression on his face, sitting next to the dream Sho.
“I want to make music!” Nino was saying to him. Sho remembered that time perfectly. It was after some time when they have become friends.
“Hmm…” The dream Sho replied to him, not quite interested. He was busy with his own stuff.
“And I want to make the best selling!” Nino continued.
“Hmm…” Sho replied again, focusing on his papers, reviewing the results of his calculations. There was an unnatural buzzing sound in the background which Sho desperately wanted to ignore for the sake of continuation of this dream.
“And I want to grow a giant tomato so that I can swim in it,” Nino added casually.
“Hmm… eh? What? Tomato?” Sho raised his head from his papers, blinking with surprise.
Nino rolled his eyes. “You weren’t paying attention to me,” He accused Sho.
“I was!” Sho protested. “You want to make best selling music,” he said calmly.
“Then why are you not saying anything?”
Now, it was Sho’s turn to roll his eyes. “Because I don’t know how this is related with me?” The buzzing sound somehow got louder and louder while Sho tried his best to focus on the dream, in order to stay with Nino a bit more.
Nino nodded. “Certainly,” he said. “Let’s make it together, Sho-chan!”
And Sho’s phone which was ringing furiously this whole time managed to interrupt the dream, forcing him to slip out of his very pleasant sleep. Why, he thought while his consciousness returned him. His breath labored and he wiped a single tear trying to escape from his eyes.
His phone was continuing to ring and he decided to answer it, forcing himself off the bed towards his messy living room. He followed the default melody of iPhone and find his phone lying over the papers.
“Yes?” He answered tiredly.
“You finally answered!” Aiba Masaki almost screamed through the line making Sho jump on his place.
“What?”
“I called you for seven times already!” Aiba complained, though his voice wasn’t angry.
“Sorry, yesterday I came home very late,” Sho mumbled.
“Busy as always,” Aiba sighed. Sho could hear the bitterness in his voice over the line. He was the best friend of Nino after all, Sho thought. Aiba probably knew everything… They hadn’t been meeting regularly after Nino left but still, Aiba tried his best not to blame Sho for Nino’s departure. “Well whatever,” Aiba continued. “I was going to invite you somewhere.”
“To where?” Sho asked curiously.
“To a welcome party,” Aiba said, confusing Sho more but before he could ask about it, Aiba dropped the bomb. “It's Nino’s.”
Sho couldn’t say anything as he opened his mouth just to close it again. His throat went dry. Is he back? was the only thought that occupied his mind.
“Sho-chan? Are you still there?”
“Yes,” Sho managed to mumble.
“He is coming back,” Aiba said once again. “Today, we are having a party for him in The Strings hotel.”
“Aiba-” he started but Aiba cut him off.
“I know! And he knows that I will be inviting you. Come on Sho! He hasn’t been in Japan for five years already and he has been alone there for all those time!”
“But-”
“You are busy, I know that already! Just once, do something for Nino!” Aiba said pleadingly. Sho tried to take a deep breath.
“The Strings Hotel, right?” He said, trying his best to keep his voice from trembling. “I will be there.”
“You- what? Really?” Aiba sounded genuinely surprised.
“Yes. I will be there,” he said once again. “I have to go now,” he said and before waiting for Aiba’s reply he hung up.
Suddenly he felt all of his strength leaving his body as he sunk to the floor, to his knees. He buried his head in his hands, taking deep breaths. He is back, he thought. But wasn’t it already too late for everything? However, Sho was willing to sell his soul to Satan if he could see Nino for one more time. He was selfish, he was an idiot, he was a bastard but he loved Nino with all his might.
He tried to swallow the accumulated emotions on his throat as he recalled what had happened five years ago.
***
When Nino said that he wanted to make music, he was dead serious about it. Though, it didn't surprise Sho. He had never mocked Nino’s ambitions or he never discouraged him about it. However, he himself never had any desire to create music. As a twenty years old boy, he was only thinking about how to live through his one day, so of course, he refused Nino’s proposal about it.
Yet, Nino was stubborn and he was clever. Which was not a good combination for poor Sho especially after Nino learned that he was able to play piano pretty well. Sho tried his best to convince him that he only learned piano because his parents were already planned it for him in advance even before his birth.
Sho’s parents were those kinds of parents where they planned every single step for their child. He would be taking over his father’s company, and marry the girl that his parents choose at the age of thirty. He would be having two children, preferably twins, one will be a boy and the other one will be a girl, at the age of thirty-one. He would be retiring at the age of sixty-five when his son would take over the company. Every part of his life was planned in advance for him. And piano was only one of those tiny details, thus Sho never actually gave many thoughts to playing the piano.
The part that neither his parents nor Sho himself had predicted was that; Nino knew how to get what he wanted very well. That’s why when Nino asked him to write lyrics for the song that he composed for the nth time, Sho eventually had to give in.
He did his best for the song though. Nino was his friend and he deserved his full attention for something he really cherished. He had no idea how to write a song that time but strangely, it felt right. It felt just right.
When he showed his lyrics to Nino, he was full of anxiety but Nino smiled at him. His eyes sparkled with joy and Sho’s heart skipped a beat to the sight of that beautiful scene. Sho didn’t exactly know how or when he started to fall for Nino but he was certain that he was falling hard and deep.
The first time Nino sung the song that Sho wrote, Sho didn’t have any reasons to deny that he was deeply in love with Nino. They kissed on that very same day. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, almost too good to be true. From that day, Nino became his Kazu and Sho wanted to write more songs, just for him. And he did. Keeping this new passion as a secret from his parents, he cut from his own sleep to adorn those beautiful melodies that created by Nino with his own words.
Nino also loved him, Sho was certain of that. He never questioned neither his own feelings nor Nino’s. In their case, love was never the problem. They both loved each other, maybe, just maybe, that was the reason why both of them suffered this much.
***
After their graduation, Sho tried his best to convince his parents. Keeping everything as a secret from Nino, he wanted them to understand. Because they were family, Sho wanted to believe that one day, they will approve of his relationship with Nino. But his parents have never agreed with him. They forced him to work in the family company, hoping that it will break Sho apart from both music and Nino. Sho could give up on music, he was well aware of that. If he had to choose either Nino or music so he chose Nino. There was no reason for him to create music, if he had to leave Nino, after all.
Sho became a normal salaryman in his father’s company. Facing all those criticism, bullying just because he was the son of the CEO and the humiliating look that his father gave him, every time they see each other. He was okay. He was fine. He could endure everything just for Nino. He didn’t need anything else as long as he had Nino and his smile beside him. Nino was worth for everything and he wanted to prove that to everyone around him.
However, he was naïve. He couldn’t perceive the sadness that was building behind that beautiful smile of Nino.
He still remembered vividly that night from five years ago which still continued to haunt Sho in his nightmares. It was a chilly spring night, just like the last one, when Sho returned their shared apartment with Nino, he found a suitcase waiting at the entrance.
“Nino?” Sho called for him as he made his way to their dark living room. He found Nino sitting on their carpet, facing the window. “Nino, what are you doing?” There was a silent alarm ringing behind Sho's mind when he realized the empty shelves.
“Oh, welcome, Sho-chan,” Nino said almost normally. “How was your day?”
“Normal, I guess,” Sho answered warily. He didn’t like the atmosphere of their own house but still, he made his way to Nino and hugged him from behind. Nino crawled into his arms and there was a comfortable silence for a moment before Nino dropped the bomb.
“Sho-chan, I am leaving,” Nino blurted out as he got out of Sho’s arms.
Sho blinked, confused. “What?”
“I am leaving Japan in a week.” Nino looked so serious, confusing Sho even more.
“Eh? What do you mean?” He asked, trying his best to register all those information that Nino gave him just now.
“I am going to Vienna,” Nino said calmly.
Sho gulped. A business trip? He hoped. “For how long?”
“Probably I won't return again.”
Sho stirred on his place. “What?!” he said louder than he expected. “What do you mean you won’t come back?! What does this mean?! How could you make a decision like this without telling me first!?”
“You were busy, come on Sho, you are always busy!” Nino exploded. “I can’t go on like this anymore,” Nino said not even trying to control the volume of his voice.
“Nino, what are you-”
“I can’t stand it anymore!” Nino cut him off angrily. His voice is louder than Sho had ever heard in this past years. “It is all about you Sho, it was all about you, it was all about your work. From the time you agreed to work in that damn company of your father, you have never been looking at me like you used to!” Nino was talking as if he finally broke his chains. “Who do you want to prove yourself? I don't get it, you are not the Sho that I know. I can't go on like this anymore!”
"You are exaggerating it, Nino!" Sho tried to protest. However as soon as those words left his lips, Nino staggered as if he had been stabbed by him. Sho would never forget those hurtful eyes in his life.
“Nino?” he repeated with a trembling voice. “Why are you calling me like that Sho? Why? Haven’t you realized that you haven't been calling my name for months already? Is it my fault? I don't understand it anymore!” When Sho couldn’t say anything, Nino continued. “I don’t know what are we anymore.”
“But we love each other,” Sho said, finally finding his voice again. “Come on Nino, I know you love me, and you know that I love you,” he didn’t care that if he sounded desperate or even begging. He didn’t want to leave Nino. He didn’t want it, at all!
“You are right,” Nino answered, his eyes glittering with tears. “We love each other. God, Sho, I love you more than my own life,” He wiped his tears frustratedly. He inhaled deeply, trying his best to stop his trembling. “But,” he continued bravely. “We don't have anything but love anymore. Love isn't enough to bound us together anymore.”
Sho couldn’t find anything to say to him after that. He simply stood there, looking at Nino with a shocked expression. His mind went blank as Nino walked past him. “Farewell, Sho-chan,” he heard lastly from Nino and soon, the broken sound of the front door reached his ears, finally giving the signal for his waiting tears. His knees gave in, as he collapsed where he was standing. The first tears rolled from his eyes. Sho cried on that night. Like he never did before.
He never heard from Nino after that, for a very long time.
***
After Nino left, Sho was lost. He didn’t know what to do, or how to live. He tried to maintain his daily life for some time but going to the company every day turned out as a torture for him. Of course, his parents were delighted when they discovered that Nino left, immediately setting up his arranged marriage and such, telling their son that he finally found the right way. Never once in his life, he felt this cornered and frustrated. He could have endured everything for Nino, every single humiliating look, every kind of bullying, every criticism but were there any reason for him to endure those if Nino wasn’t there?
On the third day, Sho resigned from the company. He also cut his ties with his family too. There was nothing left for him to fill the hollow in his heart as he walked aimlessly through the streets, ending up in a different bar every night, until the sunrise. Sho felt suffocated as if Nino had taken all the oxygen in the world with him. He didn’t count the weeks and months that he wasted like that however he was aware that it was a lot.
It was one of those nights when Sho stumbled over Matsumoto Jun, a very handsome music producer. They drank together but they never slept with each other. On their first meeting, after consuming a lot of alcohol, Sho somehow ended up showing him the lovelorn lyrics and melodies.
“You still love this person, don’t you?” Jun asked with a soft smile on his face after he read them carefully. Sho flinched at those words, his eyes immediately tearing up. “Go ahead,” Jun said patting his shoulder. “You can blame the alcohol tomorrow.”
For the first time after Nino left, Sho cried his heart out for hours in front of a stranger. A stranger who became his best friend after that night. Matsumoto Jun even offered a job to Sho as a composer in his studio which was one of the most successful music studios in the industry. Sho agreed with him however he wanted to work with an alias. When Nino left him on that chilly spring night, he wanted to avoid the spring with all his might, choosing Aki as in autumn for his alias.
Strangely, Aki’s song seemed to be loved by the public more than he had expected. Everyone was talking about this mysterious composer who wrote those harrowing but beautiful songs. He wrote for a lot of very famous artists but he never got carried away by that since those songs never sung by Nino again. However, this was the closest thing to be with Nino. When he wrote those songs, imaging it maybe one day, Nino would sing those songs again, he would feel at ease. The hollow in his heart would disappear for that time being, only to return stronger each time.
He wanted to see Nino. He wanted to see him one more time, more than anything.
***
For five years, Sho wrote countless songs, which only reminded him that he wasn’t together with Nino anymore. For five years, Sho yearned for him. For five years, Sho had blamed himself for not being able to notice Nino’s pain, for not being able to stop him when he walked away. And now, he was there, standing in front of the hotel where Nino was, trembling. He was scared, lost but still, he wanted to see Nino.
He still wanted to see him more than anything.
“Hey,” he heard Ohno’s voice behind him. Sho turned to greet him with a weak smile on his face. “I knew you would come,” Ohno said smiling indulgently.
Ohno had always been good at reading people and events around him, even when people thought that he wasn’t paying attention. Again, he was able to see through Sho’s pain while he was thinking that he was hiding it perfectly. Sho was glad to have Ohno beside him for that night. “When did you come back?” Sho asked Ohno feeling a bit better than before.
“A week ago,” Ohno replied. “But I will be leaving next week again, this time to the Ionian Islands.” His eyes sparkled with joy.
Sho laughed. “Being a captain suit you so well.”
“I know,” Ohno answered proudly then giggled. “Even though my mother hates it when I am mostly away. She says no one will marry me if I continue like this.”
“Have you told her that you are married to sea?” Sho joked.
Ohno sighed dramatically. “She doesn’t approve of our relationship.”
Sho patted his back sympathetically. “Don’t lose your hope, mate.”
“Have you talked to your parents after that?” Ohno asked suddenly looking very serious.
Sho shook his head negatively. “I haven’t. I don’t even think they want to see me again. Well, I am fine like this.” Ohno didn’t seem convinced. “Really, Oh-chan, I am fine,” Sho smiled reassuringly.
Ohno stayed silent for a moment. “Don’t force yourself, alright?”
Sho nodded with a smile on his face. “Okay,” then inhaled deeply. “Let’s go inside.”
***
The party was crowded. When he walked out of the elevator, he was surprised by the number of people around him. People were drinking, enjoying themselves together, making Sho feel somehow unwelcomed and out of place.
Some of the faces were familiar. He could recognize them from their university time and some of them were really unfamiliar. Sho frowned. As far as he knew, none of them were actually Nino’s friends.
The Nino which Sho knew for more than ten years was a lonesome guy, who mostly spent his time alone in the music room or in his house. It may be five years that he hasn’t seen him but he knew that Nino actually didn’t change that much. At least, that was what he wanted to believe.
Sho knew that Nino had been bullied when he was in junior high which lead him to choose a life with few friends. Aiba and Ohno one of their best friends and as much as he doubted that he was still important in Nino’s life, he was sure that Nino was still friends with Ohno and Aiba.
“It’s kind of strange,” Ohno murmured next to him. Sho contented himself with a nod, not sure about what to say. Apparently, Ohno was thinking the same thing with him. He pulled Sho from his arm towards the crowd, in order to find Aiba. They were both sure that this was neither Aiba’s nor Nino’s idea. So, how things become like this?
It didn’t take them long to find Aiba who was nestled in the corner with a confused expression. When he noticed them, he seemed to relax and rush towards them. “Aiba-chan, what’s going on here?” Sho asked firmly.
“I really don’t know,” Aiba answered mournfully. “I didn’t even call that much of people! It would be just you guys, Kaza-pon and Toma!”
Sho frowned. “Where’s Nino?”
“He went to the restroom just now,” Aiba answered, his lips turning into a thin line.
“Have you ever told anyone about this?” Sho insisted.
“I haven’t!” Aiba said firmly. “Do you think I would do something like this to Nino?! He is my best friend!”
Sho closed his eyes for a moment, what was the meaning of this? However, that wasn’t important anymore as Aiba said the words that will stop his heart.
“Oh, here he comes,” Aiba's voice made him forget everything for a moment as he snapped his eyes open to see him.
Sho knew that to meet Nino again would be hard in every kind of situation. He knew that it would hurt like hell but still, he wasn’t expecting to actually hear the crackling noise of his own heart. It was like, Nino was walking over the already broken pieces of his heart, breaking them more. Sho’s breath hitched, his ears buzzed and strangely his heart started to beat again.
A part of him had already forgotten what a heart meant. Because after Nino left, his heart was nothing but a mere organism, which was bound to beat as a matter of fact. He was alive, but he really didn’t feel like that. Until now. Until he saw Nino again. It felt like, his heart found a long-lost piece. And that made Sho hurt more. Because that only meant that his heart would always and only belong to Nino, even after that whole five years.
“Hi,” Nino said when he finally reached the small group. Sho gulped. Oh, how he missed that voice of him… It sounded like a sacred song to his ears and he knew if he ever told that to Nino, he would tease him until the end of the time. But then again… He had lost that chance long ago.
“It has been a while,” he heard himself saying in autopilot mode. Nino smiled and Sho’s heart beat almost too painfully in his chest. How long has it been since he had last seen that smile? Sho realized for the first time that Nino’s smile had lost its shine even before their break-up. He hated himself more than before on that very moment.
“Truly,” Nino answered shortly before walking past him towards Ohno and Aiba. He still wears the same cologne, Sho thought as Nino’s scent lingered longer than he actually wanted. “Oh-chan!!” Nino exclaimed joyfully to the sight of older man and Sho didn’t need to see to understand that Nino threw himself to Ohno. Sho tried to swallow the knot that formed in his throat. He inhaled deeply. Nino is fine, a logical part of his brain registered. He is fine without me.
From that moment, the party continued in a blur. Sho didn’t know what he was doing but apparently, he was doing it well. Even Ohno stopped looking at him with that worry in his eyes. He laughed, he smiled, he joked and he behaved as if everything was normal. As if, Nino didn’t walk away like he did, and they were still friends. Only to be reminded that they weren’t together anymore every single second.
However, the atmosphere of the party changed from a moment which Sho couldn’t quite catch because he was too busy to act his part in the evening. Apparently, everyone other than Ohno, Aiba, Toma, and Kazama was there to see how this weird guy won a scholarship and become an instructor in Europe’s one of the most prestigious music academy. They were only there to see it with their own eyes, and maybe to make fun of him. Sho could see the wry look everyone had. It was almost like the time he had been working for his father’s company… Even though he never told Nino about that, Sho was very familiar with that look.
Sho wasn’t an idiot, and he knew Nino wasn’t an idiot too. He must have realized the intentions of everyone the moment he walked in however instead of saying “back off” to their faces, Nino chose to go with the flow, answering the questions and even joking with them cheerfully.
“I would never guess that our weird otaku was capable of something like this,” said one of the girls which Sho didn’t know wickedly. “Did you perhaps got your way into someone’s pants, Nino?”
Everyone except their small group laughed dirtily. “I bet being gay was useful!” a man answered the girl. “Do you think they will let me into Harvard if I become someone’s hugging pillow?”
Sho slammed the glass in his hand to the table, so loud that it cut through every sound. The glass broken into small pieces under his hand but Sho didn’t even flinch. The stinging pain in his hand, only reminded him that Nino must have felt a lot more pain than him.
Then he started to laugh. Surprising everyone with the sudden change of emotions. He laughed and laughed until his eyes teared. “God, this is so funny,” he said while wiping a tear with his uninjured hand. “I didn’t know that watching a bunch of human failures, drown in their own jealousy pool would be this funny!” Sho wiped another tear as he continued. “You should do it with an audience, really! I am sure you would be able to beat those third rated comedians and finally earn something in your life.” He threw a cold glance at every one of them as he finished. Then he turned to Aiba, avoiding both Ohno and Nino. “Sorry, Aiba-chan, I should go now. I have an early meeting tomorrow. It was nice to see you guys,” he smiled softly. “See you later then,” he said before he left the place hurriedly as if he was being chased.
He pushed the buttons of the elevator a couple of times, ignoring the blood dripping to the floor from his injured hand. The doors opened with a lazy bing and he threw himself in, inhaling a shaky breath. All he needed to do was to wait for the doors to be closed and he can finally return to being the debris he had been for this whole five years. However before he could relax, someone stopped the elevator doors. He assumed that it was Ohno. The doors opened again, revealing Nino in front of him.
For a moment, Sho forgot how to breathe again as Nino stepped into the elevator with an unreadable expression. They stayed silent for a few seconds until the doors are closed again. Then all of a sudden Nino groaned irritatedly. He took out a handkerchief from the pocket of his trousers. “You are as reckless as before,” he murmured while taking Sho’s injured hand in his. He grimaced as he saw the cuts and a couple of glass pieces that stuck into Sho’s hand. He reached out and took the glasses without any warning which gained a pained cry from Sho.
“Hey!” Sho exclaimed indignantly.
“Shut up, you idiot!” Nino snapped without looking at him and started to wrap the handkerchief to his hand. “Why did you do it?” He asked calmly.
“I am sorry,” Sho replied almost inaudible. “I didn’t want to ruin your party…”
“It’s not like I was enjoying anyway,” Nino replied curtly.
Sho stayed silent since he had no idea about what to say. An uncomfortable silence filled the elevator. It was the restless silence of the words which had never been told. The words tried to break through the sealed lips of their owners’, only to fail one more time.
Just then, the elevator shook and stopped moving. Instinctively, Sho grabbed Nino’s arm, pulling him towards himself to steady the younger one on his feet. The lights above them flickered for a couple of times, before turning to normal. “What’s happening?” Nino asked as he swiftly got out of Sho’s grip.
“The elevator stopped, I guess…” Sho answered.
Nino made his way towards the panel, pushing the emergency button which didn’t work as well. “Awesome,” he said unhappily. “Did you see which floor we were?”
“I am sorry,” Sho answered while looking at the floor. There was no way he could say that he was too busy to keep his emotions in the bay since Nino was there with him.
“Perfect,” Nino snarled.
“So we are stuck here,” Sho said after a minute of silence.
“What a luck,” Nino snorted and went to sit to a corner. “Getting stuck in the elevator on my first week back in Japan. Maybe Japan hates me?” He asked sarcastically.
“It loves you,” Sho answered almost immediately.
“It must be just you who thinks like that,” Nino grumbled. “I have nothing but bad memories here.”
Those words hurt Sho more than he actually could have guessed. He gulped while wanting to say something. Anything was fine as long as it didn’t let Sho drown into his own misery. So he asked the first thing that came to his mind. “How is your mother?”
Nino threw him a side glance. “She died.”
“What?!” Sho exclaimed with the sudden information.
“Three years ago, I came back only once for her funeral,” Nino answered calmly.
“Why did I never heard about it!?” Sho asked hysterically. He knew that Nino was very fond of his mother. And oh God, even Sho was fond of her. She was the one of few that supported Nino and Sho on their relationship. She was a lovely woman, even treating Sho as his own son. The sudden lost stabbed his poor heart.
“You were probably busy,” Nino shrugged. That was a lie. Sho hadn’t been busy after he left his job and for God’s sake! He would have made time for her funeral even if he was drowning in work! Sho wanted to say something, but he swallowed it.
“And your father?”
“I haven’t talked to that bastard after my mother's death. He didn't even come to her funeral,” he replied coldly.
“I am sorry, Nino,” Sho apologized. He knew that it was painful for Nino beyond his understanding.
“For what? It's not like you are the one who caused her death.”
“For not being there.”
Nino laughed. “It’s not the first time. You were never actually there, Sho. You were always somewhere else after you decided to follow your parents' wishes.”
Sho chuckled, surprising Nino. He went to sit down to next corner. “You are right,” he said softly, looking at the ceiling. “I became someone else. Someone you didn’t know, someone you didn’t fall in love with.”
It was now Nino’s turn to stay silent. He didn’t expect Sho to accept it like that. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that but he jumped with surprise when he heard Sho’s soft voice again.
“Say, Nino… you used to say that we were meant to meet, do you think that we were also meant to fall apart?” Sho asked with a lonely smile on his face.
Seeing that smile, stabbed Nino in the heart. “You are so dramatic,” he chose to mock him. “Or maybe you are listening too much Aki songs. Either way, it sounds stupid.”
Sho laughed softly. “I am surprised you know about Aki.”
“I like his songs,” Nino shrugged. “And you? What have you been doing? Still working at your father’s company? It’s already your time to take over after all.”
“I am not,” Sho answered curtly.
“What?”
“Neither I am working in that company nor going to take over it,” Nino looked confusedly at his face. Sho sighed deeply. “I left my job a long time ago. And also cut my ties with my family too.”
“Why?!” Nino asked with a shocked expression.
“It didn’t matter anymore,” Sho answered calmly. Was there any reason to hide it after all those times? “I started working there because they would never let me see you again if I didn’t agree to work in that company in the first place. I guess they were thinking that I would come to my senses and break up with you when I start working there. Too bad for them, though.”
A silence fell between them once again, until Nino broke it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“To tell you what, Nino?” Sho asked sadly. “Yes, I was bullied by my colleagues and humiliated on a daily basis by my own parents but I didn’t care less since I was with you.”
Nino gulped.
“And you would never let me do it if you knew,” Sho continued. “Honestly, it didn’t matter. I really didn’t care about any of them but when you left… It was simply broken, so I resigned from my job.”
“Why..?” Nino asked once again. “Why did you hide it from me?!”
Sho looked at Nino fondly, not answering for a while. “Because you were worth to everything,” he answered truthfully. “You are still worth to every single suffering. That’s how much I am in love with you.”
“You are an idiot,” Nino said angrily.
“I know,” Sho smiled. “No matter whatever day today is, whatever I try to do, I suppose I'll end up loving you…”
Then the elevator started moving once again just as suddenly as it stopped. Sho wanted to laugh. Apparently, Karma was trying to give him one last chance to say all those words which Sho never had any chance to say.
The elevator reached the ground floor and Sho got up, also helping Nino. “It was good to see you,” Sho said lastly. “Farewell, Kazu.”
***
After leaving the party and a very confused Nino behind, Sho called Jun who knew everything. When he came to pick Sho in his car, surprised to see the injured hand, he drove him to a hospital first. Apparently, Sho was too occupied to notice how bad his hand hurt because he had to go through eight stitches and his hand would take some time to heal.
Then, Sho told everything to Jun only to get scolded by him. Earning himself a; “You should have said those long ago! Before he left!”
Sho was aware of that perfectly. It was just… he was too blinded by his own ambitions back then. Now, he didn’t have any pride. He was miserable without Nino. He wasn’t feeling like he was living without him at all.
And now, after three days of that fateful encounter with Nino, Sho was struggling with his piano in Matsumoto Recording Studio. It was already hard to play it single-handedly and Nino occupying his thoughts didn’t help him at all.
He sighed irritatedly as he stopped playing and placed his forehead on the keyboard, gaining an indignant sound from the black grand piano. I miss him, probably more than before. Seeing Nino only made him long for more, and telling those words he never got any chance to say made him realize that he had lost his last connection with him too.
He had been living a nightmare, rehashing every single word which he would tell Nino when he saw him again, in his head. And there he was, standing there in misery even after having finally said everything he wanted. He had said all those words to him and yet, he wasn't feeling like he had been released from his chains. The hollow in his heart only got bigger, stronger and harsher.
He felt a firm hand on his shoulder. “Go back to your house, Sho,” said Jun. “I appreciate that you want to work but you will hurt yourself more at this rate. You have been sleeping in the coach for three days already and you honestly need a bath.” Sho snorted. He wasn't actually sleeping for the last three days but Jun didn't have to know about it. “Go home, I need you as presentable as possible for tomorrow’s meeting,” Jun insisted and finally Sho gave in and he had no energy to question what tomorrow’s meeting was about.
***
The journey to his home was almost as torturous as his last days. He didn’t want to go to his house at all. The reason was simple. The house and everything reminded him of Nino. He plugged his earphones to his ears and put a very random music, turning the volume to the last, hoping that it would at least erase some of his thoughts. It was stupid, Sho knew that perfectly. After their break up, he and Nino had just gone back to before they met. So what changed to hurt Sho this much?
He sighed, knowing that he should move forward. He should stop waiting for Nino and obtain a life without Nino in it. However, he didn’t know how to do it when his heart only beat when he was next to Nino.
He turned off the music when he realized that didn’t really help to take off his thoughts. It was pitiful… What a misery. Sho would laugh at himself if he wasn’t feeling this bad. With that, he walked down the perfectly memorized street mechanically. The scenery of the cherry blossoms which was surrounded by the night was so insipid that Sho had to lower his head and follow his own steps with his eyes. The sound of his steps echoed in the street, making him count them.
One and two and three… The numbers followed each other just like his steps and he knew it was about time to look around himself. He shuffled around his pocket to take out his keys when he reached his apartment. When he found the keys, he looked up once again, only to find Nino sitting above the paving. “Nino?” he said not being able to believe his eyes.
Nino who didn’t seem as surprised as Sho stood up from where he was sitting, grunting a bit to the pain which caused by sitting too long. “You finally came,” he said calmly as he shook the dust over his black jeans. He was wearing an oversized t-shirt and a white cap.
“What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you, Einstein,” Nino said sarcastically.
“Why?” Sho insisted. They were over. It was over. So why was Nino here?
“I think we have to talk.”
***
With that, cautiously, Sho let Nino in. It was strange but also very normal to have Nino in that house. “Sorry about the mess,” Sho murmured as he held the door for him to enter.
Nino stayed silent as he took off his shoes and made his way to the living room which was way too familiar. He blinked as he looked around. Everything was same except the piles of papers scattered over the floor. “You didn’t change anything…?”
Sho wasn’t sure if he should answer that or not. He wasn’t even sure if it was a statement or a question, to be honest, so he decided to say something else. “Do you want something to drink?”
“No, thanks,” Nino replied as he walked towards the window and looked at the two metronomes which were placed on an empty shelf. It was the bookshelf that Nino used when they were living together. It looked exactly like he had left, only two metronomes placed on it. Nino gulped. He was so sure about that it was better for them to break up when he left Sho, however now he had some serious doubts about the decision he made five years ago. “Sho, we need to talk,” he said as he turned towards him swiftly.
“What?” Sho asked with a weird smile on his face. “I don’t think we still have something to talk without remembering the past.”
Nino ignored him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“About what?” Sho insisted to avoid.
“About everything!” Nino exploded. “Why didn’t you tell me?! Why?!”
“There's nothing to tell,” Sho answered firmly. “There was nothing to tell. Because none of them is your fault,” Sho exhaled a deep and exhausted breath. “You would blame yourself for them. Don’t try to protest, I know you would. And you are doing it now too.”
“Then why did you told me this time?” Nino sounded almost desperate.
“You want to know the truth?” Sho said trying to sound nonchalant, yet not being able to stop his voice from trembling. “Because I am so tired, Kazu,” he admitted finally. Nino flinched overhearing that statement, feeling his mind went blank. Sho continued. “Honestly, I am so tired of this,” he showed his chest with a soft, broken smile. “I am so tired of yearning for you. Five years, Kazu. For five years, I have been dreaming of you every second of my life,” Sho didn’t mind when a tear escaped from his left eye, sliding down and disappearing silently. “You were right,” he inhaled deeply. “Love isn’t enough to bound us together, but no matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much I struggle, you are the only one who can fill this huge hollow in my heart.” With that Nino started to cry too. “No, no…” Sho said desperately rushing towards Nino to wipe his tears. “Don’t cry, Kazu. Please don’t cry… I am not worth to your tears,” he tried to smile, knowing that it was nothing but a failure. His fingers ghosted over Nino’s soft cheeks tenderly, as if he was touching the most important jewel in the entire world. "I know it was all my fault-" Sho started regretfully once again only to be stopped by Nino fiercely.
"It's not!" Nino's eyes were burning with emotions. "It was my fault Sho. It was all my fault!” He placed his hands on both sides of Sho’s face. “I wanted to have every single part of you for myself and myself only,” Nino confessed. “I couldn't stand having you walk another path, leaving me behind so I left you first!” Nino’s tears were now streaming down from his eyes freely. “God, Sho, if love is not enough to bound us together, I don’t know what is capable,” Nino said desperately. “I love you so much that it doesn’t even make sense anymore.” Sho didn’t know how to answer to Nino’s sudden confession. Then Nino laughed a little taking his hands away from Sho’s face and took a few steps back. “But it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Because we had lost it long ago…”
Sho took a step towards Nino, and another one, and then another one. Until he was right in front of him. Nino was now trapped between Sho and the empty bookshelf. “Was that the reason for leaving me?!” Sho asked in a low tone, almost dangerously.
Nino gulped. “I know,” he said bravely. “I am not expecting you to forgive me.”
“Then why did you say it?!” Sho asked helplessly. He was angry. He was angry at Nino, at himself, at every possible thing.
“Because I am also tired of this!” Nino shot back, tears returning to his eyes once again, stronger than before. “Because I am tired of trying to hate you when you are the only one who could actually make me feel complete.”
Something felt like finally snapped from its cage and Sho slammed his lips to Nino’s soft and familiar ones, almost angrily. He was frustrated. He was frustrated by a lot of things but mostly he was frustrated they were suffering for five years for nothing.
Nino answered his kiss immediately, with the same heat. His hands found Sho’s hair, fingers tangling to strands of his hair, pulling it aggressively. He wriggled himself wanting to gain more contact. He moaned as Sho bit his lower lip. The kiss was messy, yet familiar and very aggressive, filled with the longing of five years. Sho’s hand settled on Nino’s waist, pulling him closer and tilting his head to get a better access to his mouth. He kissed and kissed Nino until his lungs couldn’t stand it anymore. He backed away only a few millimeters, just enough for him and Nino to store some oxygen to their screaming lungs. Neither of them was patient for a longer break when their lips meet again in the middle. There was not a single thing soft about the kiss since neither of them needed tenderness at that moment.
Soon, Nino’s oversized t-shirt was dumped and he felt the chilly weather of the spring night on his skin. He was trembling with both anticipations, want and need. Sho followed him just a second after, throwing his own t-shirt to somewhere which he didn’t care at all and pressing his body to Nino’s. He wanted, no, needed to feel him close to him. He had been craving everything about Nino and there he was, looking at him with love and lust filled eyes, nearly begging him to touch him more. There was no mistaking, no denying and no escape now. Both of them wanted it, both of them needed it.
Sho placed his hands around Nino’s firm hips, hauling him up as Nino wrapped his legs around his waist. Now, Nino was a bit higher than Sho, taking the lead of the kiss and caressing Sho’s face softly. He was a lot lighter than Sho had remembered as he held him firmly at his place, secured inside his arms. He wouldn’t let anything or anyone to hurt Nino anymore, not even himself. “Take me to the bedroom,” Nino whispered to his lips between the kisses. Sho could feel Nino’s hardness poking him from his black jeans and he himself wasn’t in a better condition than him.
“Are you sure?” Sho wanted to confirm.
“More than anything,” Nino said calmly, looking at Sho’s eyes truthfully. He wanted this, he wanted Sho. He had been yearning him for all those years…
Sho held Nino tightly as he started walking to their bedroom, trying his best to avoid papers. Luckily, their house wasn’t the biggest and their journey was rather short as Sho lowered Nino to their old bed carefully. He hovered over him, balancing himself with his one arm, he kissed Nino again and again, as if trying to fill the blank of the five years. When Nino started to whine, demanding for more, Sho remembered something. “But I don’t have any lube,” he whispered to Nino.
“What?!” Nino asked somewhere between lost in lust and reality.
“I… well… I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone…” he confessed.
“What?!” Nino said once again. “Were you doing a sex diet or something?!”
“Would you rather prefer me sleeping with random guys?!” Sho asked pettishly.
Nino considered that for a moment. “Okay, you win. I would hate it definitely.”
“So what now?” Sho asked.
Nino looked around searching for anything. “I don’t care. Use that stupid aloe vera gel of yours or whatever, I need you,” Nino said determinedly.
Sho chuckled and kissed Nino one more time before reaching for the aloe vera gel. He hadn’t been together with anyone for all those years but strangely, his body remembered everything perfectly. Maybe because it was Nino who was laying on their bed. Or maybe it was because they were in their bed like they used to. The fact that Nino remembered about his weird aloe vera gel made his heart beat faster if that was even possible. He had no idea and he also had no desire to find out the reason for it anytime soon since Nino was writhing under the ministration of his long and delicate fingers. Sho didn’t hold himself back as he pressed Nino’s pleasure point mercilessly. It was like re-remembering, and it was like rediscovering Nino all over again.
Nino came quickly, even to his own surprise. He had been yearning for Sho’s touch and his presence so much that just knowing that it was none other than Sho who was pleasuring him made him more aroused than ever. It was mysterious yet so familiar. Feeling Sho inside him, his movements, his warmth all over him was just so normal and Nino realized what kind of hell he was living through all these time. He threw his head back moaning with a voice filled with lust, he realized their intertwined hands. Sho was holding his hand all these time and Nino felt like crying once again. They weren’t simply making love, they were trying to make themselves to believe that it was okay; that they were finally allowed to touch each other, that they were together at that moment for real.
It didn’t take long for both of them to reach another stage and they became gradually louder. Nino’s moans were echoing inside the room, mixing with Sho’s own. Sho’s speed became faster, and the need of climax was just too strong and intense that none of them wanted to resist.
“I love you, Sho!” Nino screamed when Sho made him see the heavens. He was soon followed by Sho who collapsed on him. Nino wrapped his arms around Sho which Sho didn’t protest at all as he buried his face to the crook of Nino’s neck. He inhaled deeply for some moments and the room was silent with just the voice of their silent breaths filling it.
“I love you, Kazu,” Sho whispered after some time, not raising his head from the crook of Nino’s neck. He continued to breathe Nino’s scent which was mixed with sweat. Nino caressed his hair, holding him closer to himself. “I love you more than this whole world, Kazu,” Sho continued shakily. “I can’t breathe without you… I can’t see without you… I can’t hear without you… I am not living, I am only suffering every day without you,” Nino felt the hot tears on his skin and he tightened his arms around Sho. “You are the only one who could make my heart a whole, and you are the only one who can crash it over a billion pieces…” Sho was trembling with fear. “I am afraid of waking up to tomorrow. I feel like if I let my eyes close now and fall asleep, you won’t be here in my arms anymore.”
That moment, Nino hated himself more than ever. He was only thinking about himself, he was only thinking about how he didn’t want to be left behind by Sho but in the end, he was the one who walked away, making Sho suffer like this.
He pushed Sho away just a little, only to be able to look at his eyes. “I am not. I will not. I won’t go anywhere anymore,” He said firmly. “I can’t go away anymore. I know that it won’t be easy to prove that to you, but I will make you believe!”
Sho blinked as he looked at Nino’s eyes. More tears started to leave his eyes as if there was no way of stopping them anymore. He felt relieved. It finally felt home. It finally felt like he was really living. Nino wiped his tears patiently, trying to hold back his own tears. “Kazu…” Sho whispered his name one more time as if he was reiterating a sacred oath.
Then all of a sudden Nino gave in and started to cry his heart out. “Sho!” he hugged him, burying his face to Sho’s chest and let his fear meltdown by the warmth of Sho. He was safe in those arms.
They fell asleep like that. Tangled with each other, not knowing where the one started and where the other finished, they sought for each other’s presence. Trying to fill the five years of gaps, trying to fill the hollow in each other’s chest as they welcomed the morning.
***
The next morning, Sho woke up with the furious ring of his cell phone. He groaned, snuggling close to Nino’s soft body as he chuckled fondly.
“You should really get up and answer that phone,” Nino murmured, planting a kiss to Sho’s hair.
Sho didn’t want to. Honestly. The last thing he wanted to do for the next five years was probably getting out of Nino’s thin but soft arms which were holding him strongly. Nino stroked his back, up and down soothingly. “It’s okay,” he whispered encouragingly. Then Sho took a deep breath and got out of Nino’s soft arms.
“Yes?” he answered his phone.
“Finally! Why do I have to call you like a stalker?! Geez, you know that I am your boss, right?” Jun’s cranky voice filled Sho’s ears.
“You were the one who wanted me to go home! What now?!” Sho asked annoyed by his friend's sudden outburst.
“Yes, but I said that I need you back here tomorrow! And presentable! So would you please tell me where are you right now?!”
“At home,” Sho answered curtly. “And why do you need me presentable again?”
“Because you have a damn recording with Kazamasa-san and you are going to meet our new singer this evening!” Jun was getting impatient and Sho was aware of that.
“Which new singer?” He asked confused.
“You, Sakurai Sho, if you don’t get your damn ass here, I swear I will come there and rip that beautiful head from your body-” Jun started with a low and dangerous voice.
“Okay! Okay!! Keep calm, I will be there in an hour or so!” Sho said quickly.
“You better be!” Jun screeched before cutting the call.
Sho looked at his phone for a few moments confused while Nino was rolling in the bed with laughter while holding his stomach. “Stop laughing,” Sho said grumpily as he put the phone back to the nightstand and returned to embrace Nino.
“I can’t… It was so funny! Oh, God! I am grateful to you for showing me the scene of perfect Sakurai Sho getting scolded by his boss!” He said dramatically.
Sho pouted. “It’s not funny…”
“It is!” Nino insisted before pecking Sho’s lips. “You should go.”
Sho gulped. “Yes, probably… By the way, Kazu, I never got any chance to ask this but… why did you come back to Japan?” He asked, suddenly remembering.
Nino blinked. “Oh, that? I came back for work.”
“Then…” Sho started hesitantly. “You will be staying?”
A moment of silence filled the room. Sho’s heart was beating on his throat and he was afraid of Nino’s answer. “Yes,” Nino answered after a few seconds. “I guess, I will.” Sho flashed a smile and Nino’s heart ached to the sight of it. He had made both of them suffer for five years, for the sake of nothing. He leaned over to kiss Sho once again. This time, the kiss was longer than before and both of them were trying to convince that they won’t leave this time. It was a promise, a welcome back, a pleading at the same time and when Nino let Sho go, they were both reluctant to part away. “I will return to my hotel, okay?” Nino said.
“Why?!” Sho asked in panic.
“I am not leaving. Not again, but it has been five years Sho… I think we both need some time to think,” Nino said calmly.
“Kazu-” Sho tried to protest but Nino cut him.
“I am not leaving,” he said truthfully.
Sho bit his lower lip. He wanted to argue but also he didn’t want to ruin everything so he gave in. “Alright… Anything you say, Kazu,” he said and getting up to shower and dress quickly before Jun’s patience ran off.
***
“So you haven’t been listening to me for all these time?!” Jun was about to bite his head off when he confessed that he had absolutely no idea about what was going on there.
“Um… I am sorry?” Sho tried to apologize like a lost puppy which was scolded by his owner.
Jun huffed angrily. “I can’t believe! I really can’t believe a dumb like you manages to create all those touching songs!” Jun said while pacing in the room. “You are the shape of misuse of ability! I can’t believe you!”
“Okay! I apologized already! And the meeting is in the evening! We have enough time for you to teach me what I have to know,” Sho tried to calm his friend down.
“Before that, will you please explain to me what the hell were you doing when I explained everything to you for multiple times already!” Jun didn’t seem really convinced.
“I have no excuse,” Sho answered guiltily. “I mean, I do have some but-” however before he can continue with a girl from sound staff stormed inside the room.
“Aki-san! Where have you been?! We can’t start without you! And Kazamasa-san is already in recording booth!” She said rapidly while holding Sho’s upper arm, dragging him to the recording booth.
“The meeting was at five, right?! I will be there, don’t worry, MatsuJun!” He managed to say before the girl dragged him out.
Definitely, he had a long day waiting for him.
***
He somehow managed to get out alive from Kazamasa’s recording, hurrying his way to another booth. Since he was late that morning, all of his schedules seemed crumbled. He barely found some time to go to the toilet, let alone lunch or any kind of meal. His day continued like a crazy storm and he couldn’t do anything but obey the staff who dragged him from one room to another. He made meetings, he made corrections, he directed recordings until one of the staff burst in to inform him about yet another meeting with this new singer.
Sho heaved a sigh. He didn’t have any chance to see Jun after their talk so he had no idea about who this talent was. He rubbed his eyes as he followed the staff to the meeting rooms trying to calm his nerves. He didn’t like to be this unprepared but he at least had Jun there to back him up if he needed it. The staff knocked on the door and opened it. Sho took a deep breath, ruffled his hair for a bit to distract himself and walked past the staff going inside the room. “I am so sorry for making you wait-” he started only to forget the continuation of his sentence when he saw the new singer who also stood up to greet him but stopped before doing it, clearly shocked.
“Kazu?” Sho’s chin was dropped with surprise as he looked into the eyes of the real owner of every song that he wrote so far.
“Sho? Why are you here?” Nino asked as confused as Sho himself.
“You two know each other?” Jun asked finally.
“He is…” Sho started not sure how to explain it. “Um… he is the one…” he stammered.
Jun blinked a few times. “You don’t mean…?” He was fast as always, catching up with the situation. “Oh my God… He is the one who you are writing those songs for!” He exclaimed overwhelmed by the twist of the fate.
“Wait, what?” Nino asked confused.
“Ninomiya-san, he is Aki,” Jun explained. “He is the one who was going to write your debut song.”
“Aki…?” Nino was far too gone to register that situation.
“And oh my God, I can’t believe this…” Jun continued to talk. “Sho, I met him four years ago in Vienna. He was singing an Aki song on a sidewalk with his guitar!”
Sho, whose brain stopped working, couldn’t really register the situation.
“Aki is… Sho?” Nino mumbled mostly to himself.
Jun stood in front of him, shaking him a little. “Sho, he is here!” Jun insisted. “He has been singing your songs for all these time!”
And finally, those words made sense for Sho. Nino has been singing… Nino has been singing his songs… He gulped, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by it.
“You are really Aki?” Nino asked once again, this time seems more composed.
Sho only managed to nod.
“Why?” Nino asked firmly.
“Because music was the only thing that I could still feel a connection with you,” Sho answered truthfully, not being able to find a reason to lie to him.
“And all those songs…” Nino started but Sho cut him.
“And all those songs were for you. Only for you. They were love letters from me to you,” Sho said and Nino suddenly started to laugh. Sho blinked with surprise, as the sound of Nino’s beautiful laugh filled the room.
Nino doubled over with laughter, also feeling his tears starting to overflow again. How stupid he was… All these time, he had listened to Aki’s songs, because everything he wanted to hear from Sho had been gathered in those songs. “I am such an idiot…” Nino said between his tears and laughter. “All these time, those songs were everything that I wanted to hear from you… All these time, I thought that you moved on, continued to your life, forgetting me for good…” Nino sobbed. “And here I am standing in front of you, while you screamed your love to the world for me…” He tried to wipe the tears, but they were replaced with new ones immediately. “How much I made you suffer… And how much you made me feel loved…” He buried his face to his hands. “I don’t deserve you…” he whispered finally.
And those words finally snapped Sho from his place. He moved around the big meeting table at a flying speed to embrace Nino. He circled his arms around Nino, pressing his body to his. He kissed Nino’s hairs, whispering sweet nothings to his ears.
Jun smiled as he listened to the confessions of each. He was witnessing a miracle and he was sure that sometimes, miracles made the world a better place. He slid out of the room silently, closing the door behind himself. They would be fine, he was sure of that. They would be fine from now on.
***
After that Nino debuted with his first song, written by Aki.
And Aki never wrote songs for anyone other than Nino.
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Date: 2018-07-09 11:39 am (UTC)How sad that if they had only communicated with each other properly back then, they wouldn't have had to go through all that suffering! But I'm so glad that Sho didn't wait around for his parents after that, and chose his own path. I love that his music reached Nino, and that eventually they found their way back to each other <3 Love a happy ending!
no subject
Date: 2018-07-10 09:34 am (UTC)Sho thought he was protecting Nino and Nino thought he was releasing Sho from himself but then again, if they had communicated enough, it would be better haha ^^"
They kind of meet again at the opposite side of the world again!
I am so happy that you like it, really! >////< thank you so much for giving your precious time to read it! (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)